Ok, I just had my heart broken a week ago. Since then, I’ve had a longing to be with my friends and family. I spent Sunday with my buddy Bryan and that helped. Keeping busy is good, but you have to do something that will occupy your mind, I’ve found myself spending every spare minute thinking about HER. One brain activity that has been helpful for me is Sudoku, you need to find something you enjoy like a puzzle or even some artistic outlet. I have tried sketching/doodling but it’s all coming out as women (not skilled enough to draw specific women). Oh and have music or television fill the silence, I end up talking to myself when it’s quiet and the subject of my discussions is usually HER. I have spent a lot of time on SDMB, which is kind of like having friends to talk to.
I am also consumed with trying to resolve being HER friend at some point (see this thread).
I’m not good at this stuff, so I don’t know why I’m trying to give advice.
Having just been through (and I would suppose still technically in the middle of, though getting better) the same thing I can give you a run down of what I’ve done to make myself feel better.
Week one: drinking, not quite to excess but enough that I can distract myself without everything reminding me of her
Week two: self delusion, kept telling myself that I was better off, and even though I didn’t actually believe it it made me feel a little better for a while.
Week three - present: Threw mayself obsessivly into my hobbies and even picked up a new one, writing, at the advice of someone here (I apologize but I can’t recall who it was). I tried throwing myself completely into my job, but that ended up depressing me more as I am not a huge fan of my work and acting as though it was all I had in my life was not pleasent.
And if it makes you feel better appearing high maitenence (hell, even being high maitenence) is not a universal turn off for guys.
I always try to keep busy and be with other people. I’m one of those girls who perversely enjoys wallowing in despair, which I know is not good for me, and being with other people doing stuff usually helps me snap out of it. So I usually curl up and sniffle for awhile, then force myself to get out of the house and act like a human being. And then there comes that time when I am able to look back and be like, I am SO over that now. It does come eventually, thank God.
Jog. Run long, run hard, and run fast. It feels like you’re beating yourself down and picking yourself up all at once. You won’t even notice the miles ticking by.
Well, that’s something I guess. However, I’ve lost so much weight that most of my clothes are falling off. I’m not going to look super high maitenence in sweats.
I get in my car, pop in the Everclear and drive around the city bellowing “Santa Monica” at the top of my lungs. I do this for a long time. Then I get on the rowing machine and smash the living hell out of my legs and arms, followed by enough crunches to make me almost puke. Then I go get fucked up and play some video games. Sober up, do some more singing and driving. Repeat as necessary.
Then I pathetically start calling all my backups to see who is single and who is not, and sniff around to see if anyone wants to have a tawdry fling to help me rebuild my self-esteem.
Shit - I don’t have any backups. I was talking to my girlfriend who just got married (sister of Mr. Heartbreaker, actually), and she was talking about her now husband’s good female friend who had her nose out of joint about the wedding. Apparently, the groom was her “backup”. I guess many women have a “backup” guy that they figure they’ll end up with if no one else comes along. That, in and of itself, strikes me as a little sad. Worse though, is that I have NO backup. Well, unless my dog counts. But I’m pretty sure he doesn’t.
<sigh> Broken heart and no backup. It’s a sad, sad day in the Wonderland household.
OK, there’s the bright side, right there – you won’t end up with some guy you don’t really like!
Sure, you may be down for a while now (and sorry, I don’t have any creative ideas for combatting that). But at least sooner or later (probably sooner rather than later in your case, too) another guy will come along – who you’ll be with because you want to, not because he was your “backup plan.” Think of all the girls (and guys) who end up marrying their backup plans, and rotting in a hell of their own making. You’re in a far better position than they are, even right now.
About the middle of January, I signed up for a marathon in June. I’d never run a marathon before but I knew that I was going to have some free time for a while. Training kept me busy until…
Marathon day, June 5, 2005, Rock n’ Roll San Diego. It was my birthday, biggest party I ever had. Finished in 4:00:23 (just couldn’t break 4 hours, dang it!)
Still not dating by the Fourth of July, when my brother brought one of his empoyees to the family picnic.
I get into my apartment, pop in the Bombay Sapphire and fly around my condo bellowing The Wall or The Promise Ring or “Messages” by OMD at the top of my lungs. But it doesn’t work. All my broken hearts are festering and making me irretrievably bitter.
“Backup”? What’s a backup? If I found an actual love, that would work, but it hasn’t happened yet…
C’mon woman! Some guy you liked turned out to be uninterested. That’s a shame. I’m sorry to hear it. But aren’t you still a whole, healthy, self-contained organism capable of finding everything you need live and thrive? You are entitled to your few moments of sadness, but how do you get over it? You simply live. Get on with it. Are you really going to let some outsider, who didn’t appreciate you enough to begin with, deprive you of happiness? He shouldn’t have that power over you. He doesn’t have the right.
I’m sorry, but there is no trick to it. You just need to decide to dust yourself off and get back in the race. You can do it tomorrow, or you can do it next week. Time makes it easier, but once you have wasted time, you can never have it back.
I dunno… some have opined that I don’t really have heart, and shouldn’t give such advice. I disagree. I have one. It even works. I just don’t let anything get to me for very long. And even when something does get to me, I don’t let it show. I know, it sounds like a deodorant commercial, but it works for me.
Backup plan?! How much would it suck to be someone’s backup? No thanks.
Heh - Are you going to start singing Gloria Gainer next, 'cus that would be super cool.
FWIW - I totally agree with you. I never get het up about men so I’m really wigging out about the fact that I’m feeling all mopy about this one. I think perhaps I’m transfering all the stress from the rest of my life onto this one thing and making it a much bigger deal than it should be.
Be that as it may, I still feel crappy. Again, though - I really do think I have an ulcer and maybe I’m interpreting the upset stomach, and nausia, and burning insides as heartbreak when, in fact, all I need is some Pepcid AC.
Heh - I was with my friend walking though the mall wearing my Seven for all Mankind jeans which I refuse to get rid of because they were $270. I started running with her stroller (containing her son) and my jeans actually fell right off.
It didn’t help that I was wearing silky underwear, but DUH-AM, that was NOT what I wanted at that particular moment in time. I managed to catch them before they actually hit the ground, but barely.
So, I’ve had to go and buy a new pair of jeans. grrrrrr.
Well, this is not creative at all, but, since it hasn’t been mentioned…
How about taking out a personal ad? A lot of the online options are free, up to a point. Not necessarily to try to find someone, but just to put together your “Relationship Resumé.” See how great a catch you really are. And, if guys write to you saying, “WOW! can I date you?” you can shoot them down. Now that will make you feel better!
:mad: