I am curious about whether my reaction to praise is unusual or common. If I receive praise, especially if it is unexpected, it makes me feel uncomfortable and ‘shy’. I immediately try to down-play that which is being praised or try to give credit to someone or something other than myself.
Lately people have said “I think your photos are good enough to sell” and whether that is true or not is beside the point. They sound genuine. And it immediately makes me feel a bit nervous and shy (I think uncomfortable is a strong way of stating it)
I immediately say things like “Well, the camera does most of the work” or, I took loads of not-so-good ones" or I just go quiet.
(I do thank them of course, it would be rude not to)
What about you? How often do you receive praise? How do you react to it? How does it make you feel?
I should add that I do also feel flattered by the praise, but not without the shyness/nervousness.
A music teacher cured me of the habit of reflexively downplaying things after receiving praise on my performance. She told me, “This person wants to tell you that you did a good job. If you put yourself down or play it off, you are implicitly contradicting them and belittling their effort in coming to praise you for ‘not that much’ and that is rude. Smile and say thank you and leave it at that. It doesn’t make you full of yourself.”
It was an interesting interpretation that has stuck with me.
For me it feels awesome and I love it. I usually been and say thank you.
I work in an industry that praise is regular and times of my life I sought ways to down play it by pointing out mistakes they may have overlooked. Tow things happened. I Becker more confidant in my skills. And also realized that downplaying it was dismissive to the praiser. Let hem give the praise without telling them they are wrong in doing so.
I hate to contradict your teacher but I disagree that it’s rude. In fact I think it’s rude of him/her to say it’s rude and to use words like ‘belittle’.
When I praise other people I don’t find it rude of them to downplay it. I just recognise that they are being coy and try to reiterate the praise
If I respect and trust the source of praise (and agree with it to a certain extent) there is no finer feeling. At times, I’ve defined the meaning of life as earning the respect of people you care about. (I wouldn’t categorically say that’s the only source of meaning in life, but --again-- it’s a fine feeling.)
If I don’t think the people offering the praise know what they’re talking about, then I’ll accept it politely and really not care.
If I think the praise is empty flattery, then my opinion of the people offering it goes down.
If the praise is about how much they enjoyed something I did/created/said, rather than how clever I am to have done it… then I’ll be happy to have made them happy.
I hate being praised. It makes me very uncomfortable. A casual ‘thanks’ or ‘nice work’ I can shrug off, but anything more than that is too embarrassing.
I’ll go with chizzuk, and agree that for praise from from strangers a “thank you” and a smile is the one-size-fits-all answer.
If you’re absurdly pleased, it covers your self-satisfaction. If you think it’s excessive it ends the situation without bringing more attention to yourself.
If you know the person and want to extends the conversation, then you can do whatever seems right. But “Thank you very much” is easy to remember, and almost never inappropriate.
I think there are many things that are acceptable in the context of a teacher-student relationship that aren’t in casual social interactions, and that kind of advice is one of them. Learning how to behave graciously as a performer is definitely within the purview of a musical education.
It makes me feel awkward. Most of the things for which it happens are things I’ve done that I’m quite enthusiastic about - so, after saying thanks, I generally try to divert it into shared enthusiasm for the product, rather than for me as the producer.
I soak it up and spend an amount of time relative to the amount of praise received walking around like I’ve got a foot-long dick. Praise goes straight to my head.
I had someone explain it to me much like chizzuk’s teacher did and I tried very hard to stop contradicting the praise and just smile and say thank you. The effect that had on me was that I was more able to feel good about being praised. It was like I was finally able to let the compliment sink in because I wasn’t busy denying the truth of it. Did wonders for my self esteem.
I think chizzuk’s teacher is right, and after a few times of you downplaying any praise it is guaranteed that I will never praise you again, you being so ungrateful and all. I don’t know when that habit got into our lexicon. If I say, “That is a lovely dress” and you say “this old thing?” That means I am obviously blind to compliment it.
I have a good self-image (although I do think I have a realistic understanding of my faults as well as my good points) so I receive praise and compliments very well. Unless the person trying to compliment me is skeevy, my response is a genuine ‘thank you!’ and a smile. It’s not a big part of my self worth, what people say to me about me, but it’s nice to get positive feedback.
I know a ton of people, most of them women, who get nervous/uncomfortable about compliments and praise. Some react very poorly, by shutting down and ignoring what you’ve said, by trying to downplay or dismiss, or even by insulting themselves. While technically I agree that it’s rude to contradict someone’s evaluation of you or your skills, it doesn’t annoy me. I don’t think it’s something some people have much control over. But it does make me very sad - I feel like people who reject positive feedback about themselves have some very deep-seated emotional issues and feelings of unworthiness. It’s certainly true of my friends with this problem.
I like complimenting people and do it a lot, so I’ve seen the full range of reactions.
If I downplay, it’s not to be rude. It’s because I honestly do not believe I deserve the praise. I don’t want to be praised when I didn’t do anything.
But I have learned to just say thank you, as I am usually truly thankful that the person wanted to make me feel better, even if they actually made me feel worse. And, if I did try really hard, then I’m really, really thankful.
Makes me suspicious. Not terribly suspicious but vaguely like the praiser has some other motive than noting some trivial thing they saw. I’ve done some things I thought were praiseworthy and gotten noting for it and been praised when I’ve done nothing at all. It seems random.
Depends on the praise. The 3 most common I get are:
If someone says “you’re so smart/clever”, I just say thanks and smile. No embarrassment there, years of tests, assessments, college scholarship offers and admission to good grad schools and being around the general public has proven it’s true, just a plain ol’ factual statement.
If someone praises my ability in a fitness class (strength or form etc) I get very embarrassed. Partly due to how fit I used to be (compared to now) and partly due to me still being overweight.
If someone tells me I’m good looking, I want to die on the spot. No doubt the next words coming out of their mouths are “tell me - where are you from” or “what’s your background”?