How does this joke go?

The punchline is: “So much for your fucking canoe!”

I know that it involves a guy stabbing himself with a fork, or at least I think it does. I would have put this in the punny pirate thread but I’m not positive it’s a pirate joke.


I don’t remember exactly how it goes, but the gist of it is about a guy captured by some sort of savage tribe (sure…pirates…why not).

They tell him they’re going to kill him and use his skin to line a canoe, and then give him a last request. He asks for a fork, and the puzzled bunch hand the fork over. He starts stabbing himself all over, yelling “So much for…”

Well, you know how it ends.

A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a New Yorker are captured by cannibals. The chief cannibal tells them that they are going to be killed, and their skins will be used to make canoes.

The chief, however, gives them the choice of how they want to die. The Frenchman says, “I will take ze sword.” He takes it, says “Viva la France!” and runs himself through.

Next, the Englishman says, “I will take the pistol.” He says, “God save the Queen!” and shoots himself in the head.

Finally, the New Yorker says, “Gimmie a fork.” The chief cannibal thinks this is kind of odd, but gives him the fork anyway. The newyorker starts stabbing himself all over with the fork. The chief cries, “What are you doing?!” and the newyorker screams, “So much for your fucking canoe!”

The joke as I heard it is not a pirate joke and it goes something like this:

A French guy, a British Guy and a guy from New York are walking through a jungle when all of a sudden cannibals appear and take them prisoner.

They are being carried to the village and put before the chieftain. He says that they are all going to be skinned and their skins used to make canoes.
He also tells them that they will have one last wish.

The French guy goes first and wished for a hand gun so he can shoot himself so he doesn’t have to feel the pain of being skinned. The wish is granted, shouts “Pour France” and so he shoots himself.

The British guy wishes for a sword so he can stab himself before being skinned. The wish is also granted. He shouts “God save the Queen” and kills himself.

The guy from New York wishes for a fork. All the cannibals are puzzled but the chief grants the wish anyways. So the guy takes the fork, starts stabbing himself and shouts “So much for your fucking canoe!!”

Hahah thank you!!

(Of course it’s a New Yorker. :smiley: )

The joke works really well if you really drag it out, kinda deadpan-ish, until you get to the very end, then with wide eyes, scream at the top of your lungs “You’re not going to make me into an F-ing canoe” while pantomiming stabbing yourself with a fork.

It’s even funnier if while drawing out the delivery you forget to even mention the canoes, then at the end proceed with the stabbing yourself and screaming about canoes.


And sometimes it’s better when it’s not even said at all.

But I digress, I sure there is SOMEONE (okaaay, many someone) out there who hasn’t heard it.

But a joke this long does take some practice to get the right delivery/punch.

In this country, of course, the New Yorker is a Newfie.

matt, you mean when you tell the joke he’s a Newfie?

Oh, Lord, matt, that reminds me. Way back in 1974, I ventured forth from the safety of small-town New Jersey to go to Dalhousie University. (In Halifax, Nova Scotia, for the geographically declined). All my life, I’d heard all these jokes using Italians and/or Poles (Pollacks) as the targets. I get to Dalhousie (as a freshette, a female freshman!), and there are precisely the same jokes, but using Newfies and Cape Breton Islanders as the targets.

I’ve heard that in Minnesota, it’s Swedes and Norwegians (Nords?, Norse?).

But a Newfie would never have been the New Yorker in this joke back then, because here, the New Yorker is thinking quickly on his feet and showing chutzpa. I’m hoping this means the attitudes towards Newfies have changed.

Down here in Texas, it’s Aggies and Democrats.

Oh, there are plenty of jokes in which the Newfie comes out on top (usually, as you say, through chutzpah and horse sense, and/or through a Torontonian making a fool of himself.)

Example: A Newfie is in Toronto jumping up and down on a manhole cover and going, ‘67! 67! 67!’ A Torontonian comes by and says, ‘Hey, that looks like fun! Can I try?’ The Newfie steps aside and the Torontonian starts jumping up and down on the cover. Suddenly, the Newfie reaches down and whips away the cover, and the Torontonian plunges into the sewer. The Newfie puts the cover on, gets back on it, and starts jumping up and down going, ‘68! 68! 68!’

Matt, that made me laugh out loud! Thank you!

[hijack]Clothahump, I just want to mention that I absolutely love your name, although unless it’s a bent Pooh reference (I hope it is), I have no idea what it means.[/hijack]

I heard this one as the Englishman/Frenchman/New Yorker version, with the punchline being “Here’s your goddamn canoe!”