I am a first year at U of T St George. I’m doing alright, and I usually get 80s in my evaluations.
But because of my anxiety and depression, I am a bit off. I don’t talk at all if I can help it, and if I could, I’d get through every normal day without socializing, because for some reason, I feel guilty whenever I socialize. I even avoid my loving parents whenever I can. I’m also worried that, in the world of research, I would have to give a lot of presentations and take part in conferences.
I also have very low tolerance for paperwork, or bureaucracy. I rarely even check my email or student account, because I absolutely despise dealing with university finances, admin, etc etc. Since I’m literally in a perpetually low mood, I can’t focus on those administrative things, because, at least when I’m studying, I’m studying things that are essential for doctors and researchers.
So essentially, I am very driven in science and math. I love solving problems in those fields. As hinted above, I’m also a really compassionate person, which is why I want to be a researcher - I want to help a lot of people.
I’m just worried that I won’t even be able to convince anybody to grant funds for research.
What are you doing to treat your anxiety and depression? It’s going to be difficult to have any kind of successful career if you can’t interact with people or work within a bureaucracy. While individual researchers sometimes toil alone, as you know, they still need resources, labs, materials, etc.
The good news is that depression and anxiety are treatable, and more is known about them every day. You need to start now to address your issues, so that by the time you’re ready to be out in the working world, you have the necessary skills to function in the job you want.
I say this as someone who was told to get treatment for anxiety in college, but kept putting it off. I spent years of my life underachieving before I dealt with my issues. When I look back, I often wonder how different my life could have been had a sought treatment when it was first recommended to me.
My son is involved in medical research, and I see a bigger red flag with your comment about having a low tolerance for paperwork and bureaucracy. Research is ALL about paperwork and bureaucracy. There are protocols to be developed and adhered to, parameters to be stayed within, endless status reports, funding guidelines that must be followed strictly, publication requirements that must be observed, lots of time-consuming meetings, and a bunch more things that can stress out even the most emotionally level person.
And that doesn’t include the presentations and conferences that you’re worried about. But if you want to do research, you have to do all those things. It’s a feature, not a bug.
Resolve to yourself that if you want to do research, you need to work on all the skills a researcher needs, not just science and math.
Forget medical research, you’re going to have a hard time functioning in life at all if you can’t bring yourself to read your e-mail and deal with basic things like tuition.
In my experience, a person with anxiety and depression can do anything any other person can do if the anxiety and depression are well controlled. There’s no substitute for direct medical advice from your doctor, but here’s what works for me:
1). A healthy diet, plenty of water, and a good 8 hours sleep a night.
2). Plenty of aerobic exercise. I try to do 45 minutes a day. Unless you’re in very good shape already you probably won’t be able to do that straight away. Start with 20 minutes every other day and work your way up. Exercise releases endorphins which helps to stabilise your mood. This is the so-called “runner’s high” and it really is very potent. However, it will probably be a good couple of weeks before you start feeling the benefits from exercise so stick with it!
3). Cognitive behaviour therapy. This is a form of “talking therapy” designed to get you to correct the negative thought patterns which exacerbate your anxiety and depression. It’s a relatively new treatment but it’s proving to be extremely effective and, as I understand it, it’s rapidly becoming the first line treatment for anxiety, depression, insomnia, and a host of other psychological conditions. As with exercise, it takes a good couple of weeks before you start to feel the benefits so persistence is key.
4). A daily anti-depressant. Obviously, I won’t suggest a specific one here. That’s something you need to discuss with your doctor. Anti-depressants have proven effectiveness, and research shows that if you combine them with cognitive behaviour therapy you get even better results.
5). A low dose beta-blocker. Again, this isn’t a recommendation, but it’s something you might want to discuss with your doctor. Beta-blockers don’t treat depression or anxiety directly but they are helpful in controlling some of the symptoms of anxiety. I suffer from panic attacks and before I started taking beta-blockers I used to get them all the time and they were really bad. I’m talking heart palpitations, chest pains, tremors, nausea, sweats, the works. Beta-blockers don’t stop the anxiety, but they do help control the palpitations, tremors, etc…
6). Natural remedies. There is not much evidence that natural remedies are particularly effective, but they’re cheap, easily available, and very safe. I take camomile tea, valerian root, and lemon balm, all of which are available from your supermarket and/or health food shop. However, I’m no expert so definitely ask your doctor if you should take them just in case there are any side-effects and/or drug interactions I’m not aware of. As I say, they may not do much, but every little helps.
7). When all else fails, a low dose of Valium. Valium is extremely addictive (like heroin level addictive, seriously) and so it really should be used as a drug of absolute last resort. I rarely get anxiety or panic attacks these days but I still do very occasionally and if I can’t ride them out I take a low dose Valium and I feel better in about 20 minutes.
I’ve gone from being almost crippled by anxiety to being confident in my ability to do anything I set my mind to. You may well find that you don’t need all these treatments. You may only need one. Who knows? I do, however, think you’re right to be worried about your ability to carry out a demanding job like medical research if your anxiety and depression aren’t under control. That said, millions of people suffer from anxiety and depression and still get to do everything they want to do after they’ve gotten it treated. Talk to your doctor about the above methods, find out what works for you, follow his advice, and give it your best shot. I think you’ll find that once your illnesses are controlled, you’ll find it easier to do the stuff you’re worried about. Hell, I used to dread presentations a few years ago. This August I’m giving a best man’s speech at my friend’s wedding and I’m almost looking forward to it
Bottom line: Anxiety and depression can be beaten. It won’t happen overnight but once you’ve gotten them in hand the sky’s the limit. Good luck
Succeeding in a medical research career while being “a bit off” is certainly possible, and for all I know may be practically mandatory in certain fields.
Coping with anxiety and depression is a distraction though, beyond the element of interacting positively with others. Concentration can be impaired by negative thoughts and worries. You’ll be more effective without these fears dragging you down.
So getting professional help for the problem is desirable in my opinion.
Your first priority should definitely be getting appropriate treatment for your depression and anxiety.
Having said that, one potential problem I see is that, in addition to the potential stressors of actually being a medical researcher, before you get there you will have to get through medical school and/or a PhD program, both of which can be very stressful and trying experiences even for people without predispositions to anxiety and depression. Fortunately, you have a few years before you get to that point, and hopefully you will be able to get your symptoms under control.
In my experience, being introverted and socially awkward (as intrinsic character traits, not as symptoms of depressive or anxiety disorders) are, to say the least, not obstacles to success in scientific research careers. Most of the people you will be competing with and seeking grants from will likely have similar personalities.
Since you are a university with access to research hospitals, you’ll have a chance to try to get summer positions/student jobs in labs. That would give you a first-hand look at what you’re up against. You might want to start sniffing out labs that work in areas you’re interested in, and see if there are even volunteer positions you could get involved with. It may be something more for when you’re an upperclassman, but at least keep it on the radar.
All those institutions on University Avenue south of Queen’s Park are stocked full of labs, so you really have potential access to a lot of different areas of inquiry.
BTW - welcome to the boards. It’s an awesome place. You might want to post a “Hello, I’m new!” message in MPSIMS just to let a broader bunch of folks get to know you.
I didn’t know that I had problems with anxiety until my third year in college, when I had a really tough organic chemistry lab. Prior to that course, I thought I was just your run-of-the-mill “worry wart”. But that lab class provided a “perfect storm” of stressors that brought out the crazy person that dwells within.
Still, I made it through college, a graduate program, and a post-doc without falling to pieces.
But in retrospect? I really should have gotten myself some help back in college. Not necessarily pharmacology, but at least some strategies for dealing with stress.
I didn’t really have friends when I was in college. Part of it this is due to my extreme introversion. But it also didn’t help that I was so mentally drained from stressing out all the time that I didn’t have enough energy to cultivate social interests. I’d retreat to a special snowflake cocoon every evening, because without it I’d be a hot mess. Special snowflake cocoons are safe and comforting. But they don’t help you grow into a butterfly.
In my experience, neuroticism and scientific research go hand-in-hand. Particularly obsessiveness. And anxiety often accompanies obsessiveness. A little bit of obsessiveness is actually good thing. I’m obsessed right now over the manuscript I’m writing, and it’s a fabulous feeling. So it may be that you possess traits that will allow you to compensate for your weaknesses.
But I would definitely try to work with someone who will help you learn some coping techniques. Because all the things you hate? Chances are you’re going to be dealing with that stuff no matter what field you go in. Now is the time for you to embrace “things you don’t like”. Not run away from them. So I would do whatever you have to do to get over your stumbling blocks.
This is my first post.