I feel like crap/depressed tonight

I haven’t posted on this site for a while and kind of forgot my old account name, so I just made this new one. I knew that Yahoo Answers was probably going to make me feel worse with all of the trolling and whatnot. I don’t really know who to speak to about how I feel tonight. I don’t have anyone I can call. I’ve been dealing with so many problems lately and am starting to feel like no matter how much effort I make, my life just feels like one horrible problem after another. I hate my accounting job and have no idea what I really want to do for a living. I’m in my 30s and it just feels like crap to still not know what to do with myself.

I generally don’t like most people…or at least prefer not to be around them, but I wonder what type of career would allow me to be as introverted/reclusive as I am. I was thinking about working in a lab, but you still have to work with other people and possibly overbearing doctors . I’m just curious, what types of jobs would you look into if you were not a people person? I love science, research, anything involving space travel, animals, nature, and am extremely strong for a chick lol I’m sorry for this post sounding so disjointed and self-centered. My biatch neighbor’s dogs are barking like crazy and it’s definitely not helping my anxiety tonight. Anyway, thanks for any advice :slight_smile:

I can completely commiserate with you. I’m also in my thirties, reclusive, and trying to change jobs. I do know what I want to be, though, after a lot of therapy, so that makes things easier. Still, I’m running into endless issues trying to get there, which flares up my anxiety and makes it even harder to keep going and interacting. It’s exhausting.

For what it’s worth, I can corroborate that your idea of a lab being a good environment for loners is right. I don’t know about medical labs, but research labs are pretty welcoming of people like us, and research comes in practically any flavor, so it can be a good place to start exploring.

Hang in there.

I think you’re right…Working in a lab may work very well for an introvert. What type of job did you find? You don’t have to answer if it’s too overwhelming to talk about. I only have an Associate’s. Do you think it’s possible to get a decent research job without a Bachelor’s? I’m doing hypnosis for stress mgmt lately. It’s been helping a little for times when I’m overwhelmed by all of the socializing/politics at work. Is therapy helping? I was thinking of doing CBT. My friend swears by it.

Some of us are self-employed. For example you could sell on eBay (buy stuff at auctions, garage sales, thrift shops, whatever).

PS. It’s against Straightdope rules to have multiple accounts; you need to contact the website or mods to get this straightened out.

I can’t get it ‘straightened out’ because I don’t remember my username or my email address. It’s in my old computer that crashed.

Sorry to hear you’re feeling down. I’ll let you in on a secret - you don’t need to know ‘what you want to do for a living.’ Most of us go through several ‘careers’ in our working life, looking for the best fit. You don’t need to be defined by your job. For many of us, it’s just a way to earn enough money to do the things we enjoy doing. And that’s okay.

There are many career options suited to introverts. How much re-training are you willing to do? For example, would you go back to university if needed?

I totally agree with what you said about it not defining you and trying to find the best fit. I would definitely go back to college, but only if I was sure about the type of career I would be working towards. I’ll be the old lady in class lol but it’s better than staying with my crappy accounting job. Btw, thanks.

I used to work with computers/technology research, but it did require a Bachelor’s, although mine was pretty unrelated; a degree I got just to get it over with. I managed to get a better-suited degree while having that research job, so that would have been a great path if I wanted to stay there. It was very tempting at times. That also makes it harder to leave and start over, though.

I’m now taking a little break from that path to see if I can start over and get a new bachelor’s degree and get a firm foundation in science instead, which is what I had always wanted to do. I’ve been dipping my toe in it for years now, but I can’t quite manage to make it work. Part of it is life (being in that tight spot where I have both young children and ill parents to take care of), part of it is the anxiety of going back to something I was never quite good enough at, and part of it is having unrealistic expectations. I’m really good at the latter, it seems. At least I have stopped translating every setback into a clear sign that I should abandon this path. But I still teeter on the edge.

Therapy has always been useful to me, especially as an introvert. It helped me through treatment-resistant major depression, PTSD, and many lesser issues, so I’m a big fan. It doesn’t hurt to try

How did you end up in Accounting? My high school was a kind of accounting/economy major prep, and I was always awful at it, even though I love math. Most people I know who majored in Accounting ended up starting their own businesses, it seems.

ETA: Martha Beck’s “Finding Your Own North Star” was a fun and useful read when I was trying to pinpoint exactly what I wanted to get into.

Aww, man…I just wrote this really long reply to you and it got erased! RAR! I got logged off because my friend called when I was writing my reply. I’m trying to remember everything that I wrote…

I feel whiny now after reading about how much more you’re dealing with -_- I’m sorry that your family is sick. I think that if you really want to work in science, it’s possible. You can go to school part-time, instead of full-time. It would take longer, but a lot of classes towards degrees are just ‘filler’ classes. Maybe you can take some online classes from a decent/accredited college. That way, you can be with your family and study at the same time. I’ve heard that some Ivy League schools offer online courses. ???

What type of therapy did you do to help PTSD? I did ‘talk’ therapy for a while, which seemed to upset me more than it helped. I’d like to try CBT because I’ve heard that it deals w/solutions rather than analyzing your past. I went to a psychoanalytic therapist who used the phrase ‘inner child’ during sessions lol I was like, OH HELL NAH!

I got into accounting because I’ve always been good at math. It’s good money, but it doesn’t feel like a career to me. I’ve never met an accountant who treated it as anything other than a job. I never got my CPA License and that’s probably why I’ve stuck with the evil corporation I work for.

I’ll check out that book. I could use something positive right now. Maybe it will give me some clarity and some answers to all of the questions piling up in my brain. Anyway, thanks for the reply :slight_smile:

How are you feeling today?

I’m definitely trying to find a way to make this new degree work, I actually moved away thousands of miles from my husband for three months to help my parents and to go to college for free, but the caveat is that I can’t really attend classes (too far/no childcare). So I’ve been preparing on my own and just showing up for the midterms, which was exhilarating until I failed an exam and now I’m stuck in a pity party. I can still make it work if I get all my ducks in a row asap, but the self-doubt is crippling. I would love to do it all online (no interacting with people, yay!) but there isn’t enough demand for the type of program I want, so it’s not available online.

About therapy, the part of it that really helped with PTSD was that I a) kept going, kept showing up, even if I felt I wasn’t making any progress b) went on medication for a while, and tried tons of different meds and c) got to the point where I was willing to face my specific trigger and try again. But it took a good five years to get there, and many of those were about showing up for my session and shutting down every suggestion my therapist made, because my depression just did not allow me to do much of anything. She was really smart and listened to what I said I needed from her and didn’t forget it, and once I was able to do more, she brought it back up. That helped a lot. “Get it done when you’re depressed” helped in the end too.

Anyway, just out of curiosity, as a little girl, what did you want to be when you grew up? I’m coming back to what I always wanted to be, even though I spent many years denying it, and it is so interesting, I think. It feels right, somehow.

Hey there :slight_smile: I’m doing okay today. You? Things have been a little hectic since my move to Colorado from NY. I hear you about liking less interaction with people. That’s one of the reasons why I left NY. It just started to feel like Disneyland. Sometimes even getting groceries can be extremely irritating for me, as so few people have a concept of personal space. Is it just me, or do people somehow always want to have a conversation with you when you’re feeling extremely introverted/anti-social?? -_- That, to me, is the worst. Sometimes I feel like I should just buy everything online so as not to deal with people, but then I’ll be an even bigger hermit lol

I wouldn’t be hard on yourself about failing. If it makes you feel any better, I once failed a class at massage therapy school lol I just missed way too many classes. It was very humbling at the time, but if you’re busy, it makes things a lot harder. I NEVER failed anything in my life, so failing a class at massage school was freakin’ embarrassing. It took me a whole month to tell my father about it. Once I switched to part-time, I got A’s. It’s understandable that you failed since you didn’t go to class. If you went to every class and studied 5 hrs/night, I could understand you feeling a little crappy about it, but you’ve been busy.

Have you considered getting a nanny through a reputable online source? I would look on Yelp, maybe under ‘babysitting’. That being said, Yelp does have a lot of fake reviews, so I would Google anything and check the BBB before making any decisions. I would also set up a nanny cam. I don’t have children, but if I did, the thought of leaving them w/a stranger would cause me a lot of anxiety. That’s why a nanny cam’s good. Anyway, just my 10 cents.

So, what type of program are you interested in? It sounds mysterious lol You’re lucky about your therapy experience. The one I saw recently was awful. She kept forgetting details about everything, would cut me off in mid-sentence, and even laughed when I mentioned my interest in working in space travel. I know there are decent ones out there. I’m going to keep looking. I have ‘triggers’ too. I had a pretty traumatic childhood, so strangers who get a little too physically close to me aggravate me to the point where my heart rate will go up. It feels crazy, but I know it’s a PTSD reaction.

What did I want to be as a little girl? Hmm…I haven’t been asked an interesting question like that in a while. I wanted to be many things, but I think an athlete, an astronaut, and a chef were my main interests. I think those 3 things still are things I would like to do for a living, but the athlete thing would never work as I’ve had too many accidents/surgeries to ever fully recover. I’m also too damn old lol What about you?

Btw, is noise a trigger for most introverts? Or is that more of a PTSD thing? I’m usually at home on the weekends because of how noisy and crowded most places are. I’m starting to feel like an old catlady as I bake my pie and compare natural pain relief products on Amazon :stuck_out_tongue:

My only input is that I, too, consider myself to be introverted, but chose to be a banker by profession. I find that talking to people, one on one, and sharing experiences is the most delightful part of my job. Dealing with numbers and systems being a close second.

I treat the time that I spend with customers as little throw-away experiences where they get to talk about what’s going on, I get to give input and personal experiences, and then I don’t have to see them for a long while.

Really, it’s the problem-solving and commiserating that I relish most.

I would suggest two things:

Limit your costs. Close all non-essential accounts, and consolidate any debt possible.

Consider a career choice that gives value, intrigue, and excitement to your life.

You’re lucky to be an introvert who enjoys speaking to people lol I’m not in any debt and have been doing well financially for a while, but yes, value, intrigue, and excitement is what I need in a career. I want an exciting career that makes me feel proud at the end of the day, even if it means making less money than I am now. Thanks for the advice :slight_smile:

So you’re a massage-therapist accountant?! Sounds like the perfect tax season combo!

Thanks for the ideas! I do have a ton of anxiety about leaving the kids with anyone, but I’m hoping I can find a good mother’s day out for my youngest in about six months. I need alone time to survive, and right now my only chance is to stay awake at night. My original plan was to take the first few (easier) exams while life is still this hectic and hope it will get better when the courses become more difficult, but the fear of failing over and over is hard to beat.

I’m studying Physics. I don’t mean to be mysterious about it, I just have a very hard time saying it outloud/typing it, because it still feels like a pipe dream. Funny you mention wanting to be an astronaut; I grew up wanting to be the person in the control room giving the astronauts their instructions and calculating their orbits :slight_smile: I got over that after I couldn’t go to Space Camp, but I still love Physics the most.

That therapist sounds absolutely awful! I’ve had relatively bad luck with social workers (not sure why they can be therapists) and much better luck with actual psychologists, but even then, it takes me a good while to get a good rapport going. I need them to be able to give me or discuss with me credible, published data from time to time, because that’s the kind of thing that feels reassuring to me, versus finding my inner self or trying mindfulness or drawing pictures or trying to hug me. So I tend to be picky when considering a new therapist. Forgetting important things you said during a session is awful, though, it’s not as if she can’t just take notes and read them.

Btw, with one of my therapists I had the chance to take some kind of psychology career test (called MAPP), and while the results didn’t surprise me (it said I should be a scientist and should not be a jailer), it was interesting and reassuring. Maybe something like that would help you out?

FWIW, I don’t have issues with noise and closeness, and I love large cities chock full of pedestrians, my issues are more about small talk and one-to-one interactions. I find that pretty exhausting (I get that I shouldn’t become a banker either).

Rosapants, have you considered a work-at-home job?

@ Solved
I also need alone time to survive, but if staying awake is the only way for you, isn’t that exhausting?? I stay awake at night to get some peace, but I also sleep during the day like a vampire. Are you getting enough sleep? If not, it’s pretty hard to memorize things for school. You need sleep!! If you love physics, what’s the problem? So, you failed an exam…It’s not that big of a deal. I failed neurology at MASSAGE THERAPY SCHOOL, but I got over it. I took a test that my friend told me about. It’s based on learning styles http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Learning_styles I learned how to take better notes and memorize things better. I’m a visual learner, so redrawing diagrams of the human body helped me learn much faster than listening to a boring lecture. I wish I had known about this test earlier. Maybe check it out :slight_smile:

I agree about social workers vs therapists. Haha, you mentioned drawing pictures. What did they ask you to draw? A butterfly? I probably would have walked out like “Here’s your butterfly. BYE!” lol Yeah, her forgetting major events was frustrating, but the laughing at my dreams thing bothered me the most because it reminded me of my father. He’s always laughed or criticized my desire to work in a science-related field. He’s very sexist/old school. It just brought all of that pain and insecurity back into my life. I’m going to take that MAPP test. Not a jailer? lol Have you taken the Myers Briggs? I got INTJ, which is considered one of the more scientific types. As good as that sounds, I still also fear that I may not be prepared for all of the classes. That being said, if it’s something you love, you make it work, ya know?? I’m seriously considering hypnosis for memorization and reading up BEFORE the classes starting in January…I’ll do anything it takes to become like the nerds…even if it means having no social life for a while. How are things at home? Have you considered delegating anything? At least get a Roomba! :stuck_out_tongue:

Yeah, small talk sucks. I tend to just keep my headphones on as much as possible. I also listen w/o adding much to the conversation to prevent any long/boring discussions. If they keep rambling, it’s okay to be like, “I really have to get going. My children are waiting for dinner”…or something similar. Always appearing busy has been working for me. My creepy neighbor is starting to get the hint, finally. Don’t let the bastards win! If it’s someone I have to talk to because of work/something similar, I try to steer the conversation to something we’re both interested in so I don’t end up talking to them about their stupid fishing trip or whatever. That’s been helping me, but I still have problems w/neighbors. I tend to care much more when it’s someone I have to see on a regular basis than when it’s some stranger at a store. It’s so lame to fill up silence with rambling. I wish I could scream at my coworker, “WHAT A SNOREFEST! DO YOU NOT REALIZE HOW BORING YOU ARE? FFS, NOBODY GIVES A CRAP ABOUT YOUR PET FERRET.” lol

I hope everything is going well with you. If you only have to be there for 3 months, can’t you just put off school for now? You could always enroll for January and maybe just take a class or two online in art or something easy that could be used towards your degree. In the meantime, just studying at home to prepare may help take away some of your self-doubt and anxiety about failing. Just my 10 cents :slight_smile:

I would love to. I just don’t know that much about work-at-home jobs. Do you know of any that wouldn’t require being on the phone much? Thanks :slight_smile:

Thanks for your comments! I decided to just suck it up and try to study as much as I can and laid out a nice schedule. I’m not sure if it’ll be enough for these exams, but I can always come back next year and try again. I have nothing to lose at this point and I can’t seem to keep myself away from studying Physics anyway.

Btw, I used to have an at-home job with minimal phone time; I worked for a translation agency. The only phone calls I had to make were to call my translators and assign them jobs if I had a last-minute deadline. It was a good job for an introvert.

How are you doing?

I’m great. I’m making chocolate chip pancakes, so I have no complaints :slight_smile: I also got asked out by this really hot guy today lol It’s so good to finally be single again. Now I have time to sort it all out. That’s great that you’re going all out. It’s good to keep going/face your fears. Translation agency sounds decent. Was the pay any good?