Oh, OpalCat, I think a lot of people have thought that they were in love, but later on were able to look back and see that it was lust disguised as love. When you’re with someone that you have a lot of chemistry with, are highly attracted to, and you’re making out with them frequently, it seems only natural to me that it some cases, that chemical free-for-all can fool you into thinking that you’re in love.
Quite frankly, I’m puzzled by the idea that you’d be okay if he just wanted to do her and that’s all it was for him, but the fact that he felt that he loved her is what repulses you.
Human emotions can be quite complex, and so can hormones, and people get caught up, and people make mistakes. Okay, so looking over the linked threads of the OP leads me to believe that he may indulge in the love drama just a little too intensely lately, but he seems to be recognizing that. And he hasn’t even killed a girl and buried her in his backyard yet. Cut him some slack.
I can’t get into bashing the OP. Sure, he freaked out when he didn’t get what he wanted, and that’s not cool, but neither is grabbing someone’s junk, making out with them, but telling them you just want to be friends… then kissing them again.
She was messing with the OP’s head, probably really enjoying it too, until he scared the crap out of her. She sounds like a manipulative, power-tripping jerk.
Ah. We have arrived at the delicate matter of what may be the source of the… obsession. As much as it makes me wince, I guess this should be properly adressed. OK, folks, upping the ick-factor here. Yeah, as if it wasn’t bad enough already.
She’s a girl of 20, who looks like she’s about 13 or something like that. She clocks in at around 5,4 feet, 88 pounds or thereabouts. She’s tiny.
Add to this the fact that she’s drop-dead beautiful, and you have a particular combination that made sparks fly from places in my subconscious where I didn’t even know I had places. I think she fit my fetish profile pretty much perfectly. She set off a SAM-battery of knee-jerk mental reactions that had been sitting around gathering dust since Og knows when, all this time programmed to lock on to and fire at a target with just those precise qualities. She practically made sperm shoot from my ears on sight.
Yeah, I need to see a Freudian. Right now. :smack:
He is attracted to her for her looks. ONLY. He admits she has no other redeeming qualities that attract him. Yet he is willing to MARRY her. What happens when she starts to age, and isn’t so attractive anymore? Yes, I find it very disturbing that he would consider such serious steps as love and marriage based on something that isn’t even going to LAST.
I think you should take into account that he’s wired to be a man, and I know it sounds like a cliched stereotype, but there’s something to that whole biological instincts thing. Men are naturally hunters and conquerors, are programmed to chase down the prey until the thing is his. She dangled herself in front of him for quite some time, freaking grabbed his junk! Where I come from, you just don’t grab a guy’s junk unless you mean business, and to do so repeatedly, that was just not cool. Of course you’re not signing a contact to have sex if you do grab junk, but really, it’s just not done.
Yes, it is something that somehow along the way got out of control. But I would have thought that you, of all people, Opal, would have some understanding and empathy when it comes to that subject, and not so demeaning to the OP.
Not now, for Og’s sake. Only at the very height of desperation, with brain cells swimming in testosterone. Heck, I really wouldn’t even want to live with her. For crying out loud, she insists on smoking inside the house. She would be having, you know, parties and shit. And Og knows that she’s not capable of paying the rent on any regular basis.
Holy crap. Was that supposed to help my case? I’m starting to think this should be in the pit… and I should be the pittee.
Yes, I know. I used the wrong verb tense there. I didn’t mean my post to really be any kind of personal attack, simply a statement of fact that it makes me quite literally sick to my stomach* to contemplate the possibility that the man I am in love with might be with me for strictly physical reasons, and not because he loves who I am. Now, in my case, I know that’s not true and I have to remind myself of that… but being the worrying type it does cross my mind from time to time, especially when I read things like your OP. I admit I have a huge inability to understand your mindset. I have had purely physical relationships before, but that is what they were, and it was acknowledged on both sides. The idea that you might declare such strong feelings for someone you admit has very little to offer besides OMGZ VAGINA!!1! is just sort of frightening to me.
*not sick in the “you make me sick!” sense, but sick in the “punched in the stomach, emotionally” sense.
Sometimes it takes a big disaster like this to teach us some important lessons. Hopefully you can use what you’ve learned to make sure next time things go much better.
I am pretty amused by this OP. Look, a lot of us have been there, maybe not to the same degree, but we know. Shit happens. And ya, next time, just let it go and forget about the nasty messages.
Read Bukowski’s Women if you haven’t already. If you’ve read it, re-read it. Tonight. You are the perfect audience at the perfect time to read Bukowski and really appreciate what a minority of us feel should be Nobel Prize winning writing.
He has a story about a woman who plays with his junk. No, rubs his junk raw for religious regions. And he finally bonks her. You know what, in real life, he finally marries her and they live happily ever after (sorta, watch the Bukowski tapes for some happily married interaction for posterity).
Well, yeah, dude! Girl who sets off every single “SCREW NOW!” synapse you own and makes you wanna fuck knotholes gets naked with you, grabs junk and CT’s you into the stone age and you didn’t use it as an excuse to go for a little date rape. You admit your attraction might be borderline pedo/ephebophilia with all the power gradient baggage that comes along with THAT particular fetish and you didn’t use it to get what you wanted–you respected the limits a lot better than a lot of guys would’ve. Yeah, you flipped out at the end and got all stalkery, but I can sympathize with that–been there, done that myself a time or two…
So yeah, you might very well be a tad creepy but she sounds like a royal biznatch who could use a sound spanking.
I read the OP with some embarrassment for my gender and, oddly some jealously for your passion.
I can’t help thinking you’ve lost perspective, need to stop thinking with your genitals, and seemed to have crossed that fuzzy line between love/lust/interest and obsession/stalking.
The other part of me, numb from my separation & impending divorce, yearns for that feeling of falling head-over-heels for someone. That feeling where a person shines bright in your mind with seemingly endless possiblities available.
My mind is so battle-scarred, my emotions so drained at times from the metaphorical ball busting, that having that level of passion about somebody is sorely missed.
But is it ever morally defensible to go as far as Bonsai Girl did in flirting and what for all intents and purposes seems to have been foreplay? After all, it doesn’t sound as if the OP was like an office jerk who keeps asking the pretty young intern out to lunch even though she keeps saying no.
You can put up red flags the size of a supertanker, but if you’re “grabbing the guy’s junk”, as the OP puts it, and sleeping naked with him, he is not going to see them. End of story.
I thought I would be able to shake this thing off, but now I’m starting to wonder. I guess that when I wrote the OP, and actually up until just now, some sick part of my brain was still thinking that she would show up once more, that she would call me again. Now I guess I’ll have to realize that no, she won’t. Absolutely not. She’s just gone. I really scared her off.
I’m having serious trouble here. I’m completely unable to consentrate on my schoolwork. If this continues much longer, I’ll flunk my exams big time. I still obsess about her. The whole awful scenario still keeps playing over and over in my head, all day, every day. I can’t get to sleep at night until way too late, and therefore, I can’t get up in the morning. Simple tasks seem completely impossible. I have no energy. The horniness is all gone, heck, right now I don’t think I could get it up if she was standing naked in front of me, but now all I want is just to talk to her, hug her, say I’m sorry, buy her coffee…
How long does it take for this kind of shit to wear off? Right now I really feel like this could be the end of me.
