I have a nice house, that I keep spotless,
I hate cats,
I am a positive, happy person,
I do not own a television or a computer,
I have a disability that has totally removed my ability to “please” a woman,
I love to read,
Obviously I’m not anyone’s idea of a good catch.
I say that too. And sometimes add,
“Because there’s nothing worse than thinking about those leftovers all day and coming home to find out they were eaten, am I right?”
Bankruptcy?
ducks & runs
You blend your margaritas?! Heathen!
I only like the traditional lime ones anyway - don’t have much time for the fruity ones.
A friend of mine uses this one: “Because I still like shtupping goyim.”
I was hoping someone would say,
“I credit good aim and cheap ammo…”
Bonus points if said dead-pan serious
My sarcastic answer used to be “Because something is obviously terribly horribly wrong with me, but none of my friends have the heart to tell me what it is.” But then, like DianaG, that kind of flip answer made me realize that people don’t get irony or self-deprecating humor and then I get a lesson in self-esteem. So I just use the “Oh, I know, right?! Who knows?”
Recently, a second date actually asked me if I was afraid of commitment. I told him I simply don’t see the point. That’s the serious answer: I’ve been so fiercely independent for so long that I can no longer figure out why I’d need to be married. I just don’t get it. You can have a long-term, monogamous (if you so choose), perfectly committed relationship without ever getting married, so I can no longer think of any good reason to do so. I figured if I’d wanted marriage badly enough, I’d have done something to make it happen by now, but obviously it hasn’t meant that much to me, so… still single.
I used to say, “Got anybody in mind?” Usually that shut them up. But once, when it didn’t, I was introduced to my future wife.
I never get asked.
Well I did, once. On a dating site, some guy messaged me and was astounded that I was single, and wanted to know why. “Um, because I never got married?” I spent about an hour (before I finally put him on ignore) trying to re-answer the re-phrased question. He just. couldn’t. understand. it.
Thanks. I think.
“Why? You interested?”
That probably cost me a few friendships back in college.
I have heard several times: You’re XX age and have never been married, what’s wrong with you. I have always responded with: You’ve been married twice - what’s wrong with you.
(Oddly, no one who has ever asked me that was only married once.)
Tell them, " I can’t help it. I was born that way."
Nobody asks me this. I think they pretty much figure it out at sight.
“I poop my pants.”
My son says in regards to women in physics: The odds are good. . .but the goods are odd.
For best effect say this after unfocusing your eyes and making a slight straining sound.
Oh, sure the shredder makes a lot of exhaust but you should see it eat through a ream of paper!
Yep, me too!
“It is neither a mistake nor an accident that I live alone.”
That usually shuts them up.
I like that answer. But then, hey, I married one 
I think it’s interesting how the general assumption is that being single is something that happens TO someone instead of something that someone would CHOOSE.
