Wait.. You changed your phone number because someone hadn’t contacted you? I don’t understand the logic if this. If he decided he didn’t want to contact you, there is no need to change it since he won’t. If he does decide to contact you but you don’t want to anymore you can ignore him or block him.
Unless he turns stalker, why change your number?
This. One or two days is good. More than 4 days means either “not interested” or “intentionally making the other nervous”.
Hahaha the number change had nothing to do with him.
(bolding mine)
It didn’t? :dubious:
Regarding the aforementioned husband, neither of us played any games with calling/not calling/pretending to be busy/not being busy/whatever, and as a result, we both were able to find someone who wasn’t interesting in playing silly relationship games. If you like to play games like this, I wish you all the best, and hope you find someone who likes playing them as much as you do. 
I always just made the next date at the end of the first one. If they were interested in me, they’d say “yes.” This waiting-to-call stuff is bull crap, AFAIC.
Yeah I mistyped. Sorry.
The guy should ask the girl out again after breakfast, but before he goes home, otherwise she will feel like a tramp.
Seriously, all of my relationships over the last decade were with women I already knew from socializing in a group. The sexual chemistry had already built to a point that the date was a formality. The biggest issue was figuring out if you were going to be friends with benefits or go for something more and those conversations didn’t happen for at least a month. Making another date ASAP was a way of reassuring both parties that there were no regrets, they had fun, and they want to do it again. Relationship stuff would come later.
OK, I read it the same way JBDivmstr did and was wondering what in the hell was going on there.
Anyhow, my general rule is that unless there is some crazy, obvious, electric mutual attraction between you two, send a nice email/message after the date or the next day or wait at least a day, if not two, before calling. (I’m a male.) I don’t think of this as a game, at all, but just giving somebody a little space, a space that I would appreciate myself.
Hah, yeah, I kind of do.
This WAS meant to be a more general question, I swear. But since people asked, in my case, I hooked up with some guy on Friday night (who I met via OKCupid, an online dating website, so it’s not like we’re friends) and he hasn’t contacted me since then. It’s not like I was expecting much, but I do feel slightly shitty about it now. I feel like I should be feminist about it and embrace the fact that I made a conscious decision to have sex just because I wanted to, but in actuality I feel slightly used. Oh well, it was fun at the time.
To clarify about my comment re: not calling this guy, I don’t think it’s game-playing to want to know that someone is interested in you. In my last attempt at a relationship I did call the guy first probably 80% of the time. I finally figured out that he would keep sleeping with me as long as I kept showing up, but that was as far as he would go. I don’t really want another relationship like that–it’s bad for the soul.
I’m aware that the tone of forum posts can be misunderstood so read the following as inquisitive questions rather than rhetorical ones:
Is “used” what you really feel like? Could you describe what you’re feeling in more detail?
It seems like both he and you had sex just because he and you wanted to. Should he feel used as well?
I’m a 30 year old guy and my feeling is, it’s not looking good for a future relationship. At this stage, I feel, if he calls and asks you to dinner, then he is subtlety suggesting a relatively respectful FWB relationship where you guys go out and have a good time every couple of weeks. If he calls this weekend and asks you out to a bar or something, he just wants to fuck. If he doesn’t call at all than he is scum, and online dating for one nighters is pretty much what he does.
I just said that we had sex because we both wanted to. That doesn’t change how someone feels. This was not a one night stand; we met in a dating context. That doesn’t mean that dates will continue, but if everything appears to be going fine and you’re having lively conversations with someone UNTIL you bang them, I think it’s natural to assume that they were not interested in you as a dating possibility. It is these mismatched assumptions that lead to a feeling of being used, accurate or not.
Oh, I agree. No more dates for him. I’m just deeply annoyed that I accidentally left a brand new pair of tights at his place and now I will presumably never see them again. Those cost like $10!
He’s not gonna call. He wanted a hookup and he got it, he’s long gone now.
And yeah, it was a one night stand. For him, anyway.
He’s a dick. NEXT!
I can’t disagree with this. I have nothing against one-night stands or having fun with casual sex, but if you were looking for a relationship, and he acted like he was looking for a relationship when all he was looking for was sex, then he misled you and he is, indeed, a dick.
Wouldn’t it be easier just to not pick up when the guy calls rather than changing your number?
If I’m at all remotely interested in seeing the person again, I’ll send a very short “thank you, I had a nice time” email the next day and then the ball’s in his court. But if I don’t, at the very least, get an email reply to the thank you in 24 hours, I assume he’s not interested and just move on.
It’s hard to be too emotionally invested after just one date.
I just wanted to add one more thing, probably irrelevant by now.
If a man is really into you, he will close the deal. There won’t be any waiting period, or should I second-guessing. I find if I have to call him and do the pursuing, it’s because he’s not that into me. So I don’t pursue. If he wants me, he’ll know how to find me. And he won’t wait around for a week to do it, either.
Holy shit, this thing is still going. Definitive answer: call when you feel like it. This thread is making me start to disfavor women, and also the whining pukes who date them. What the hell is the point of even beginning to “see” somebody who doesn’t even “click” enough that you know intuitively when to call, or when to abstain.
Confirms that dating is for losers who couldn’t get laid at a whorehouse – and that goes for ladies too. Who the fuck dates? “Let’s have some coffee sometime, maybe this Friday after work!” Grossly disgusting and feeble. Pull out the Smith-Corona, type a Christmas Missive and tell all to The One, might as well.
ETA except for those who have a “type” – then you should go through the charade to ensure you “get” your whatever hipster fairy girl ringlet ethnicity skin-color. Christ, grow the fuck up. (Talking to self).
ETTA whatever happened to that hipster obsessed guy? I had a vivid dream about a week ago envisioning going Wolfe or Thompson underground and “becoming” a hipster.
To me, what this says is that people read way too much into something that isn’t meaningful. It’s apparently meaningful to individuals, but the meaning varies so much it doesn’t really communicate well.
The person may not have called because he’s under the impression that calling too soon may make him look bad. Or he may not have called because he’s not interested. Or he may not have called because he’s like one poster here and wants to be chased because he likes attention. And I don’t see how you can guess, unless something you talked about on the date clued you in on which of these is likely.
At the last post, though, you gave a piece of info that makes me want to advise, “Call him and ask for your tights back.” At least this is an excuse to call that won’t make you seem like you’re interested in pursuing him, if that’s what you don’t want to seem like.