How many Jewish-American Princesses does it take to change a light bulb?
Two: one to get the Diet Pepsi and one to call Daddy.
How many Taoists does it take to change a light bulb?
Many hands make light work.
How many bikers to change a bulb?
None, they’d just get busted again after the next round.
How many cats does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one, can you dig it?
Q.What do you do if you see a spaceman?
A. Park in it, man.
How many male chauvinists?
None, let the bitch cook in the dark.
How many men does it take to wallpaper a house?
Only one, if you slice him thinly enough.
How many oboe players does it take to change a light bulb?
- Just one, but she’ll want to make it herself.
- Just one, but she’ll spend two hours seaching for the perfect one.
How many Deadheads does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One to screw in the lightbulb, and hundreds of thousands more to follow that dim-bulb around the country long after it burns out.
How many Romulans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 500.
One to screw in the bulb & 499 to blow up the ship out of shame.
How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 3. One to do the actual work; one to torture the Federation Starfleet engineer to find out how lightbulbs work; & one to spy on the others & report back to Security.
How many Vulcans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 2, but who wants to wait in the dark for 7 years until they start? 
How many Ferengi does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
"The lightbulb is MINE! MINE I TELL YOU!"
How many Borg does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
“MOMMY!”
How many boxers…
None. The promoters will fix it.
How many efficiency experts does it take to change a light bulb?
None, efficiency experts only change dark bulbs.
How many Intel engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
1.99967523, but that’s close enough for non-technical people.
How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?
How many did it take this time last year?
How many sound technicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One, two, test one two
How many real estate agents does it take to change a light bulb?
Nine, but we’ll take eight.
I’m sure I know more, but these are the only ones I can remember off the front of my head.
How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. You got a problem with that?
How many lawyers?
That question is not relevant to the issue at hand.
How many Jewish mothers?
Never mind, I’ll just sit here in the dark
How many Americans?
One.
How many women with PMS does it take to change a lightbulb?
One.
ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE?
Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light
bulb. They don’t even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would
sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured
it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn’t be able to
find the lightbulbs despite the fact that they’ve been in the
SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did,
by some miracle, find the lightbulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair
that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the
STUPID lightbulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!! AND
UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID
#)#((^*&% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN. WHY??? BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS
HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!! IT’S A WONDER WE HAVEN’T
ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP
THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE.
That’s how many
Courtesy of Jillgat, who knows what she’s talking about:
And then they have to make all those referrals.
And then argue about whose name comes first in the by-line of the article. And form some sub-committees about the issue, too, about collaborating with other service agencies. Get in turf wars about funding streams.
Form a “darkness victims” panel that goes out and speaks to community groups and school groups about it.
And then the People of Color will claim that darkness affects them differently and that the mainstream culture is presenting the material in a culturally biased way. it’s really a socio-economic issue when it comes down to it - the unreliability of electricity for some groups of disenfranchised. Meanwhile, corporations and pharmaceutical companies never have to worry about the power going out for them. . .
your humble TubaDiva
How many trolls does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they goad the trollstalkers to do it just to look for them. But it’s OK, the trollstalkers are all janitors.
How many young ladies to change a lightbulb?
One, I don’t need a guy to “help” so let go of the ladder.
And if you peek up my dress again you’ll be losing 2 “bulbs” when I get back down to you.
How long did it take a stuffy prig to troll?
(Shhhh… but I just posted my first troll on another thread. I probably won’t do it again, but I was curious. This post is my documentation that it was just a prank, and not a massive attack of jack-assedness)
Don’t worry folks. My leg’s getting better, and I’ll be back to my normal lifestyle, and out of your hair soon enough. A Special Someone will be back soon, too, to keep me off MPSIMS. I can’t believe I did all these posts in under two weeks. My apologies
How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
None. The bulb has to want to change. (Thanks to Miss. College for that one.)
How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They just “empower” the old one.
(I think that how that one goes.)
For the gamers in the house:
Q: How many id software employees does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They just design a cutting-edge socket and wait for some fans to screw in the bulb themselves.
How many homosexuals does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one to put the new one in.
But it took the entire ER staff to get the old one out.