I had no idea this question was considered offensive/nosy/an attempt to compare.
I always ask, because it seemed like a perfectly innocuous and pleasant conversation-starter in that kind of environment. I am shocked and honestly saddened to learn otherwise.
A very genuine question - what DO you feel comfortable talking to the other parents about? If you just don’t like socializing at the playground, that’s very cool, but I really enjoy the opportunity for a bit of adult interaction and I know I’m not the only one. I always figured “Ask 'em about their kids! That’s sure to be something they’ll be interested in talking about!”
True dat, but I guess I found the OP question a little odd. People very rarely ask me what I paid for something, and I would think it strange to have friends or aquaintances who did often ask me that. OTOH, I can talk about prices and what we paid for our stuff with my friends and not feel like it’s out of bounds or violating any cultural taboos. I’m not sure why I would ever want to know exactly what someone paid for something, but I might wonder about price ranges for the kinds of equipment I don’t know much about.
I am so bad at remembering what I paid for things that my usual honest answer to the question is “I don’t know.” I have told people what I thought I paid for something only to find out later I was off by an order of magnitude. If someone asked me what I paid for my house I would answer quite honestly “It was between 150 and 300 thousand dollars. Do you need a more specific figure?”
I have never found this sort of question offensive and when my son was little everyone seemed to ask everyone which kids were theirs, how old, names, etc. It’s what parents do. Of course, out here no one cares what preschool your kid might be going to.
One meel-ee-yon dollars. mustache twirl and maniacal laugh
I dunno. I don’t remember how much I paid for 99% of the crap I had and if someone wants to know how much my coffeemaker cost, well, if I don’t tell them and they stop by kohl’s or target or wherever, they’ll probably get a good idea of what I paid for it. It’s not like I only shop at www.supersecretrandompricingonshitforyourhouse.com.
I’ve always read in etiquette books that it was the height of bad taste to discuss the price of merchandise. Imagine my surprise throughout life to be informed by scores of people, when I never even asked, how much THEY spent on stuff. The braggarts voluntarily tell me how much their wedding rings, boots, leather coats, cars, houses, sailboats, and school tuition for their kids cost. I didn’t ask, I don’t care, but they tell me all the same!
I’m the oddball here, because if someone asks what some mundane thing I own cost, I generally don’t mind giving them a ballpark figure. MacBook - about $1000. Nail polish? about $8. Bedspread? $50 something from Bed Bath and Beyond. And if I DO mind, I can honestly say “I can’t remember”. Or “it was a gift”, or that old standby, “I don’t know, my husband was the one who bought it.”
It’s a lose-lose for me when someone asks me that question.
If I answer with the dollar amount, I’d played right in their hand and leave them the opening to gleefully remark how I overpaid, or tell me I should have waited for some secret sale only they know about.
If I dodge the question (using any of the responses above), it ALSO plays into their hand because they can sneer and think I have something to hide because I’m embarrassed to divulge the price I paid.
Of course, I only have to deal with this with rude-ass clueless people who think that I’m not telling them the price out of shame. But then again, only completely rude-ass clueless people would even ask in the first place.
This SUCKS. I don’t want to give them any satisfaction. What to do??? I need a shrewdly tactical response that’s essentially, “None of your fucking business.”
The correct response is to fake a heart attack. Or hold a banana, shoe, or any nearby object, up to your ear and say “sorry, I’ve got to take this”.
That’s what I want to do. In reality though, I cave in and tell them the cost. I work in an industry where a lot of people I encounter are obsessed, or close to it, with getting the best deal. A lot of times when I’m asked the question, it’s so they can imply I’ve been ripped off, or that they could have got it for cheaper, or both.
My SIL once made the mistake of complaining in my hearing because, after a trip which had taken me to half a dozen US States, three locations in Mexico, and three other countries, I had brought her “a pile of cheap crap”.
Next time I went on a trip and after I’d distributed the gifts, she said “oh, and what about me?” “Sorry, all I ever bring for family is cheap crap. Since you don’t like it, I figured you didn’t want any.”
People asking how much I paid as part of market research? I’ll be happy to dig the bill, my own market research results if any, whatever. People asking just because? Man, I have such a horrible memory, can’t remember! And if they say “oh c’mon, you just bought it, the ticket’s still in your hand!” - I put it into my wallet and say “no it’s not!”
My brother’s wife does this to me and my wife. We recently went to the Inn at Little Washington and she just kept flat out asking how much it cost, and ignoring obvious attempts to deflect the question. I think a lot of times people ask this question so they can judge you one way or another, either you don’t spend your money appropriately, or you live to lavishly, or whatever.
