How my staring problem helped break the ice

I have a staring problem. I’m not ashamed to admit it. When I was younger, people used to be uncomfortable when I stared at them, unfortunately this just encouraged me to do it more in order to annoy them. However, I (eventually) grew up, and realized I’m just coming off as a creep by doing this, so I started becoming more aware when I was staring inappropriately at a person. I also became terribly embarassed at the concept of someone seeing me leer at someone. So whenever I found myself looking at a particular non-facial part of someone’s body, I would quickly correct my gaze to something else.

Having said that, there is a woman who sits next to me in one of my classes that dresses very provocatively. Namely, she wears skintight shirts without a bra on, so when she is in class she is in a very ‘perky’ mood if you know what I’m talking about. I find this terribly distracting, and constantly have to remind myself not to look in that particular direction for fear of someone else (her, or other women in the class, out of 60 students I’m one of only 3 guys in the entire class :stuck_out_tongue: ) might see me. So lately to avoid the temptation to look in that direction I look at her face. :wally

And not surprisngly, this increased eye contact has worked out very well. She’s a great person to hang out with- we’re some of the only people in class that actually discuss stuff and raise our hands to make comments. She’s really funny and I like hanging out with her. Even better, she’s part of my group for our group project.

It made me realize that if I had looked at my desk instead of her face (to avoid looking at other body parts). I would have appeared like a total introvert to her, and probably wouldn’t even be given the time of day. I usually try to participate a lot in class, and normally this hurts me socially, because the more I talk, the more it makes other people feel like morons apparently. However, if I break down social barriers by interacting with my classmates as much as the professor, we are able to see that we’re all just human beings, and there is no need for competition, insecurity, or embarassment in the classroom. ;j

I have the opposite problem. You would make me very uncomfortable if we were having a conversation. I can’t maintain eye-contact with people when talking to or listening to them. I think it comes off as me being bored by their conversation but it really isn’t that. I would be useless at games of stares (although I can do it easily against the dog or cat)

At school I would sometimes get into trouble, and be called to some teacher’s office. Most of the teachers at the time would repeat “Look at me when I’m talking to you!”. I dreaded this, as I couldn’t do that. It probably made me seem defiant, but really I am just incapable of sustained eye-contact.

(I have no problem staring at boobs though)

Yeah, well, the whole problem I had was the boob-staring.

I have kind of a similar problem looking at people in their eyes, mainly because as a kind of fidgety person, my gaze will always shift to some unusual part of their body. So if someone has some pronounced mole, my eyes will be drawn to that. Everybody has eyeballs, they’re not as interesting to me to look at as, say, some unusual blemish, or a scar, or a peice of jewlelry, etc.

however, I value people giving me eye contact, so while it is difficult for me to maintain eye contact, I do my damndest just to keep a stable line of interest going between me and the other person. The only way I can really communicate wtih someone who isn’t giving me eye contact is if I can’t give them eye contact (such as when I am driving, or playing an instrument, etc)

Womenses have eyes? Well I’ll be damned.

And you’re a doctor.

Hang your head.

I’m not trying to be rude here, but are you sure that the other people in your class “feel like morons”? People are often perceived as know-it-alls if they speak a lot during lectures at my uni. (You see lots of eye rolling and sighing when they speak.) Obviously your uni might be different. Australians tend to have tall poppy syndrome.

Congrats on making a new friend, by the way!

I suspect strongly that she knows her nipples are distracting, as she has unleashed them upon the world intentionally. And therefore she is impressed with you for being able to maintain eye contact and not simply holding conversation with her mammaries.

So many one-liners, so little time.

However, it’s been my experience that eye contact and a warm smile go a looooooong way to breaking the ice. It works with both genders, too, although you have to be careful about appearing to make a come on.

Unfortunately, the boobelage fixation means you’re a guy, and you’re still breathing.

This information has been gleaned from overhearing classmates talk amongst themselves from time to time, and some professors taking me aside and explaining that while they are pleased to see my enthusiasm, the more the class devolves into a dialogue between the professor and I (wth the students becoming little more than audience members) the less likely someone else is going to chime in; profs are always goading the ‘quiet/shy’ people in the back for discussion. The reason I talk so damn much is because that’s how I study and learn- I get more out of the class through dialogue than simply dictating and memorizing what the professor says.

shrug Another possibility is that she uses her physical assets as a ‘screening method’ for people around her. She certainly doesn’t seem repulsed around me- perhaps its a relief from getting stared at by so many other people. Like I said, I’m one of only a few guys in the whole class, so if I’m leering, it would be terribly obvious to the entire class. The fact that I don’t spend a lot of time ogling her inappropriately would hopefully send a message that I’m not a total wierdo/sicko/one of the above. ;j

Okay, I just thought it might be food for thought. What class are you taking, by the way?