How NOT to break up with your Internet boyfriend

The BBQ Pit
1

You could just tell him you’ve got cold feet and don’t want to meet.

You could 'fess up that you’re not so much a virtual twin of Jessica Alba as you hinted, and hope he really does love you for your mind after all.

Or… you could not get on the plane, and then claim you were abducted from the airport, raped, stabbed, and left in a ditch. Of course, the downside to that plan is that police then have to burn hundreds of manhours finding you, and it’s really embarrassing when they discover you safe and sound in your home the whole time.

Next time, consider creating a fake persona right from the start, and faking your own fatal illness, or something easier along those lines.

2

Oh, come now. In today’s modern world, hasn’t “I’ve been raped, stabbed, and dumped in a ditch” become the equivalent of “I’m busy washing my hair?”

You’re living in the past, man.

3

I’m still on the fence regarding whether hurricane non-evacuees should be fined for their rescue costs. This dumb bitch, on the other hand? Make her pay. Big time.

4

Unfortunately, she’ll be late for her first court appearance and confined for the duration of her trial when the judge doesn’t buy her “I was gang-raped by a squad of invading left-wing Columbian guerillas who burnt me at the stake and then disembowled me and hung me from a tree by my intestines while they listened to Frank Sinatra albums” excuse.

5

[dripping contempt] Luxury. [/dc]

6

For a minute there I thought Jennifer Wilbanks had taken up Internet dating.

7

Metacom, can I use this for the next time I’m late for work?

8

Update:

The article provided by Bricker said:

Well, it’s happened.

Hope she gets the jail, the fine, and has to pay the costs.

9

I don’t think she needs to go to jail. Just giving her a bill that she’ll be paying back for the next 20 years should be good enough. Even better if they just garnish her paycheck.

10

What would have been really classic is if the guy who was stood up had listened to this tale of woe and then said, "well, uh…so you want to get together tomorrow night?

11

I can’t resist. (A flash video)

12

This photo caption made me laugh

13

Whoa. Grade-A nutcase.

WTF??

14

So - did that guy ever marry Jennifer Wilbanks?

Sorry for the hijack - but looks like this girl was studying the “Jennifer Wilbanks Guide to Dodging Your Problems” manual.

Wouldn’t that be sad? If this guy comes back and wants to get together after Crews has “had a chance to clear her mind”…

15

It takes a special kind of drama queen to fake a death/mutilation/dismemberment on the internet.

LOOK AT MEEEEEEE! :smack:

16

Sorry for the hijack, but…

This has always confused me. Six months or five hundred dollars? In what universe are those remotely equivalent? Are there truly any people who would rather spend six months in jail than pony up $500?

17

The worst part of this story is that Neil Diamond’s ‘Kentucky Woman’ is going to be stuck in my head all day.

18

I’d rather be gang-raped by a squad of invading left-wing Colombian guerillas…

19

But we can still be friends, can’t we?

Regards,
Shodan

20

So why didn’t she just tell the guy that, but tell the truth (or say she didn’t know anything about it) when the cops called? :confused: :confused:

Did the guy call the cops first?