I just met the man of my dreams… sigh
I swoon just to think about it. His name is Geddy… such a nice name, don’tcha think?
You see, I’ve been eying him for weeks. I go to the library pretty much every week, for two reasons; I love to read and you can get movies for free. I’ve seen this guy sitting at the computers online almost every week. I’m a little shy, so it took me a while to say something.
I have a research project to do on Emily Dickinson, so I needed to go to the library TODAY. But my parents weren’t home, and my brother, (AKA Vanyel) was at work. Therefore, all the cars were gone. No biggie, so I had to walk. I do it often in the summer, it’s not very far, only about a ten minute walk. Luckily it was warm today.
Soooo, I walked out of the library and saw HIM. In the coffee shop. Writing and listening to music.
I vowed today would be the day I would get up the nerve to talk to him, and I did! We talked for almost an hour!!!
He is a drummer- he’s in a band! And I have this thing for drummers too! And he’s visiting from NYC, staying here in Cleveland for a week! And he might play at the local brewing resteraunt!!! He has looong hair- in a ponytail, and a gohtee. He is so good looking! And he’s so friendly! He is writing a novel, just like me! And he even holds doors for me!
But… he’s 21. Is this too old for me? Technically not, since I am 18. But is it morally right?
I don’t even know if he’s interested in me, I gave him my email but I don’t know if he’ll talk or we’ll see each other again… I hope so!!!
So let me know for now and for future use. How old is too old for a guy to date me?
I’ll just chime in and say that it would depend upon your own morals since they are, at best, subjective things. Legally? It’s fine. Personally? I wouldn’t even worry about it. I’m 22 and I’ve dated 18 year olds. When I was 18, I dated 21 year olds. I can’t think of any scenario in which that would be inappropriate, but perhaps I’m just being unimaginative. Just be careful.
21 is not to old for 18, but deciding if you want to date someone older is your decision. My first serious girlfriend was 27 years older than I was, so not an issue.
If you like him, go for it. Don’t let age issues get in your way.
If you’re 18 and he’s 21, that doesn’t sound too old to me. What’s more important is having the same level of maturity. The thing you need to ask yourself here is, what do you want to get out of someone who’s only in town for a week? If it’s just a date, or sex, then you know what you’re getting into so go for it. Just don’t delude yourself that this is something more than it us.
By the way, do you really think in all exclamation marks?
Well, first you probably want to meet him – that really needs to be the first step. If you have his email, nothing is lost by dropping him a line to see what’s up. If he just has your email and he drops you a line, hey, it’s a way to strike up a friendship. If something comes of all of it, neat; if not, you had a good chat this afternoon, you might be pen pals – whatever.
Now if you’re just asking about dating ages and morality on a theoretical level, I wouldn’t see a problem with ages 18 and 21. If you’re still in high school I’d run it by the parents first (even if not, it’s not usually a bad idea to see what your parents think), but I wouldn’t think the age gap itself would be a major issue.
My rule of thumb is, +/- 4 years of my own age. I have a theory that this means you were in high school about the same time and would therefore share some of the same cultural references. I came up with this theory when I was about 26, so I wasn’t in danger of dating minors.
In your instance, I’d say go for it.
I’d guess that the “drummer in a band” will be a problem before the three-year age difference will.
Well, the standard measurement for setting an upper limit is 2x(your age-7), so in this case that would be 22.
Going only by age difference, I’d say no. I dated an 18-year-old freshman in college when I was a senior, and we didn’t have any problems with the 3-year gap. Your mileage may vary, of course.
Still, I’d advise taking this slow and gradual. And remember, even if you’re younger than him, don’t let him treat you as anything but an equal.
I met my now-fiancee when I was 20 and she was 18. A few months later, I was 21 and she still 18. Now I’m 21 and she’s 19.
If he were 31, then you’d have more opposition voiced here (though of all my relatives, three are married to men ~ten years their senior, I think). But 3 years is not all that much just for dating purposes.
Ayup, your too young for me, but you sound absolutely great for someone that age. One thing to look out for would be, well, you know, what kind of partying y’all do.
If’n he’s a drinker and you aren’t … or if you are … do be careful.
My uncle married his wife when she was 16 and he was 33. They were married for 49 years, until his death. They had five kids, lived all over the world (he was Navy until he retired). By all accounts, it was a happy marriage.
On the other hand, that was a different time – after the honeymoon, he got on a train for the west coast, and then a ship to the south Pacific for two years to fight the Japanese; they didn’t really live together until he came back and she was 19.
While I’m hesitant to draw absolute lines in the sand concerning age, I would almost certainly not recommend that a 16 year old in 2003 marry anyone, must less someone twice his or her age.
But I can’t see any harm at all in an 18 year old dating a 21 yeard old.
I’ve dated considerably older than me… it all depends on maturity. If you feel comfortable with someone, there’s no need to hold age against each other. Now, if it’s a problem with the parents, it’s a different matter, of course. But if your parents are cool with it, it’s silly to hold love back because of society’s molds.
Maybe I’m not such the best person to ask, because all but one of my relationships have been with older guys and I intend to marry a guy 8 years older than me… but 21 is nowhere near too old to date you, if you like him. That’s what counts.
I don’t think there is any problem with 18 - 21 simply based on age, alone.
On the other hand, I would suggest thinking this over on two counts:
it sounds as though you are still in high school, so you may be a “young” 18;
you’re 18 and you’re actually worrying about it. (If you think there might be an issue, there may be an issue, based on your own feelings or on outside influences such as your family’s reaction.)
I am not warning against your striking up a friendship. Go for it.
I am suggesting that if you’re concerned, you might want to sit down and figure out why you are concerned before you leap into a relationship. (Which could be premature on my part since you don’t even know if he’ll want to become involved, anyway.)
