What if he wants to go “out”, you know, to the club?..
Your stuck wondering.
Just a thought.
I hate to add a “me too,” but I have personal experience with this. I’m 25. I dated a guy a few months ago who was 19. BIG mistake. We tried to convince ourselves that we had something, when it was purely physical. And he was far too immature for a committed relationship. So before you start picking out china patters, make sure it’s going to last.
Wow. After reading this thread, all I have to say is…
You people use an equation to figure out the right age of a potential date? Man, I would’ve so failed math with your criteria.
:eek:
–Yumanite, whose current SO is only 18 years older than her (and the youngest boy she’s dated yet).
I am amazed with the OP. (I mean no disrespect though!)
Here in the UK I believe it would be considered very normal for one partner to be a little older, and we are talking of only three years.
As a father of three daughters, the ages in this case would not worry me one bit, (maybe the drummer in the band bit might though!)
Good Luck, hope it works out well for you!
The age is no problem but you knew that anyway, didn’t you? You’re on a “just-talked-to-an-incredible-guy high” and needed an outlet. Which is very cute, even to a cynical old (and somewhat patronising) thirty-something like me.
Go for it and enjoy yourself.
The drummer in the band bit isn’t the worrisome part to me.
If you like him and want to see him in a more ‘exclusive’ type relationship, this is the part that will probably end up breaking your heart:
“And he’s visiting from NYC, staying here in Cleveland for a week!”
Now, if you just want to go out on a date with him, more power to you.
I just re-read my post, I’m a little calmer now. I’m fine, I was just all psyched-up yesterday.
He is staying in Cleveland for I don’t know how long, probably until sometime in June. I have no clue why I typed he’s staying for just a week. My mind didn’t know what my fingers were typing!
No, he is not Geddy Lee, the bass player from Rush, but my friend thought that’s who I was talking about!
So, it looks like everyone is saying the age difference is not a problem. But now I have another question.
I believe him and his story, that he is a drummer and his band is looking for work. But how did they get the money to come to Cleveland in the first place? He told me this elaborate story about how their music was stolen. And I believe him. But my friend doesn’t. She remembers when she met a street guitarist in Stratford that told her some elaborate story, and he turned out to just be a high school boy. He introduced me to his bandmates, and when I sat down to talk to him he was writing some lyrics I think. How can I find out for sure (politely) if his story is true? I really do believe him, but I want to be sure…
And I need to find out if he is even interested in me! Or even girls, for that matter… he did have a picture of Johnny Depp on the table next to him…
Merla
Just take it easy, get to know him, and don’t put yourself in any compromising position with him if you already have concerns. (By compromising position, I mean, don’t run off alone with him until you know him a lil better. Get to know each other as friends, in the company of others.)
I don’t think the age is a problem and I have no clue if he might be dangerous, but if you have a concern that he may be lying to you, then it is wise to take it easy and be a bit more careful. (I know you said you believe his story, but you are concerned about it because you posted it here as a question.)
How did their music get stolen? What exactly was his story about his band? I’m curious if they are from NYC, why they are out of work and came to Cleveland without a gig lined up.
Personal experience. I was 21, dating an 18-year old.
I consider her to be the great love of my life, even 9 years later (I’m now 30). We lasted about 2 1/2 years. I see nothing wrong with it, other than he’s named “Geddy.” Were his parents big Rush fans?
I Hate Geddy Lee with the fire of a thousand hells.
I’d suggest just hanging out with him, getting to know him better. If you have doubts about his story hang back a little, don’t go all out on him.
3 years isn’t a major difference. The smallst age diff I’ve dated is 2 years (he was older, actually all the guys I’ve dated were older) and the guy I’m pretty much in love with (but not dating, complicated. I’m not going to get into it all here) is about 8 years older then I am, but often acts like he’s my age.
It all depends what you are comfortable with. I remember a 30 something year old divorcee with 2 kids being very interested in me :eek: but I didn’t feel comfortable with that. (He was a friend of a friend) I also personally feel that too much younger isn’t good either. I have the hots for one of my brother’s friends, but he’s just 16. I’d feel icky going that young for myself, even though I’m only 20. (Probably close to jailbait age for me too… lol)
Just go with whatever is comfortable for you. Like I said, get to know him better and hang out with him if you want that. But if you know he’s not gonna stick around try not to get too involved (hard when the heart falls into it, I know too well, but you have to try right?)
I think this is an interestingly worded question. I wouldn’t get my panties in a bunch until I found out if the guy wanted to date & then age is just a number 
Three years isn’t that big a deal. The big concern is the maturity level, and also, as someone pointed out, what “level of 18” are you? If you’re still in high school, chances are, he’s in a mindset well beyond where you are. If he’s been in college, or if he hasn’t, he’s still moved past that high school mentality, and that can create a barrier. If you are in college, then that shouldn’t be too much of a problem.
I don’t know, I just saw May not too long ago, so I got a bit of creepy going on in my head. But I’m sure you’re not a crazed stalker You seem to be prettey enamored by this guy, so make sure you take it slow. You obviously noticed him for a few days, so things are starting off a little off balance. Give him time to catch up with you in terms of the endearment levels. This way, you don’t end up getting persuaded into doing anything you might regret (hey, it happens).
And if you’ve got reservations about this guy’s story, move slow. One good way to find out if his story rings true is talk to some of his other band mates when he’s otherwise occupied (writting lyrics, having a smoke outside, taking a piss). If they tell you pretty much the same thing, chances are, he’s telling the truth. If the stories are rather different, I’d be a bit more cautious. But don’t let three years interfere. If you’re both on the same level, things should work out fine.
I’m 28 and getting married to somebody who is 23.
My fiancee’s best friend from High School is currently married to some guy who is like 50.
When I was 21, I was really good friends with a girl who was 16. I really wanted to go out with her in a second, but I kept convincing myself I had to wait until she was 18 and I missed out on my chance. (Turns out she was interested, but because I wasn’t making a move she assumed I wasn’t and moved on. Damn the luck! OK, fine, damn my wussy ass!)
My official opinion, the age isn’t a big deal. 3 years is nothing. Nobody would even blink twice about it if you were 20 or 21. So if age is the ONLY thing that is stopping you, I wouldn’t let it. Not for 3 years.
Let me chime in with the “maturity” posters. If you are still living at home and going to high school, you should stick to dating people in that situation.
But wait, J.C., you say, I know you personally, you snake, your fist two high school boyfriends were seniors and then you moved on to college guys. Yes, yes, it’s true. But I wasn’t crazy about any of them.* You don’t need to be careful until you start thinking in exclamation points.
*FYI: playing a stupid game called “going out with the type of boy my parents approved of while becoming really good friends with the guys who made me crazeee!!!”
“First two high school boyfriends.” There was nothing kinky going on.
Follow Anna Nicole Smith’s example. As long as he’s still breathing, you can still date him no matter how much he resembles a corpse!
I wouldn’t concern myself with the age factor, within certain limits of common sense. At 18 I had a long-running fling with a 36 year-old, at 23 I dated a 19 yr. old for several years, and at 30 I’m sorta-kinda dating a 21 yr. old. However, situations like this are well beyond the bounds of propriety, IMHO.
I think you’re fine, as long as you get along well. To put it in perspective, when you’re 21 he’ll only be 24. What’s wrong with that?
Good luck!
–IDB
One of the nice things about being a regular SDMB reader, Merla, is that you’re likely well-armed with the healthy tools of skepticism and logical inquiry.
I’d say first that if it should develop that he lied to you, that’s an excellent signal to take a deep breath and a couple of steps backwards. Of course, a small exaggeration from a guy trying to impress a cute girl (or vice-versa!) is not the end of the world, but the more complicated the lie, the more into creepy territory we get.
Having said all that – I don’t quite follow what it means that “their music was stolen.” Can you elaborate on that a bit?