How about: “Even I can see your religion is nothing but a tissue of lies!”.
And if someone lays their hands upon you, I’d suggest gripping their hands to keep them in place, and start wailing in a melodramatic manner, “aargh, he burns! The Saviour burns!”. Or something to that effect.
You could say “please not now, but thank you”
The feeler healer aside, do you honestly not understand how ugly religion can be to an atheist? Not just uninteresting, but full on offensive.
May I ask what religion you are following now? It doesn’t sound as if you are an atheist or agnostic, as presumably you would not believe there were demons for Christians to worship if you were.
(Eru, but I hate it when you people make me be serious in a thread. I’ll get you for this.)
So if members of the Church of Satan came up in their traditional garb and started praying for you, you’d thank them for the prayer? Or is the ‘prayer is harmless, say thanks and move on’ only for your religion and not others?
Dude, where are my wisecracks? Given your signature, you of all people should understand.
Start cracking wise immediately or I marry Buttercup.
Something along the lines of “If I accept your God, will you accept that he is a fucking prick for letting me go blind?”
The problem with your response is that it does not include the word “Butterflies!” and thus will not prompt my ocelot to go for the throat.
Why must you always try to restrain my murderous impulses?
I’ve been there so yes I do know. And there are many beliefs I could get equally offended with today. But that would be my issue, not theirs.
Sounds more like their problem to work out. As if you ever want someone to respect your viewpoint you need to respect theirs.
And these religious folk don’t in general respect the atheistic viewpoint, so you have no reason to respect theirs. So saying “please not now, but thank you” basically would use their own viewpoint against them in getting exactly what you want.
Two responses spring to mind:
“Okay. You pray for me, and I’ll think for you.”
Or, if time presses and brevity is a virtue, “Hail Satan”.
I have had to bite my tongue on a couple of occasions to avoid using either response and offending a neighbor doing a kind favor.
“Oh! I’m so glad I won’t be going through this coronavirus ordeal alone! Doc just diagnosed me as contagious. Good thing you’ve got god on your side, eh, pal?”
That would be me (Atheist), wouldn’t care one way other other. If I’m right, it makes no difference. If I’m wrong, thanks for the intercession!
I’m an atheist. And just because something is fictional doesn’t mean it can’t be worshiped. Fictional things can be talked about and written about; why couldn’t they be worshiped?
Bilbo Baggins is fictional and doesn’t exist. Bilbo Baggins is also a hobbit. These two statements are not contradictory.
Well I did recommend caning the offending party, who’s fault is it you’re not using a manly cast iron … what did you call it? mobility cane? You remain an enigma (checks spelling). You have all the opportunity to be a ruthless overlord, but for some reason your mobility cane is still not a modified cattle prod. What are the minions supposed to make of that? When some holy roller starts hurling prayers at you, you let them feel the power of the lightning god…in the calf if you’re in a good mood, behind the left ear if you really want to make an impression.
And you can take Buttercup. She broke Westley’s heart on one of their voyages and remained in Patagonia with one of our predecessors.
One wonders whether electrifying a mobility cane would be a problem if it came up against an innocent person in passing. Those are the ones you swipe back and forth, right?
It is perhaps the case that electrocuting random people would be no problem at all. One does wonder.
How about telling the person that lays hands on you,“a little lower and a little slower. Ill tell you when you have it right”.
For the life of me I can’t understand aggressive aggrieved atheism. Even when I was an atheist, I was at least properly brought up to be polite. Just say thank you and move on. It’s no skin off your ass. They are trying to be nice, according to their lights. Why can’t you return the favor?
Personally, I think everyone making an effort to be nice should at least merit common politeness in return.
There seems to be a great deal of this whining about strangers being rude even though they are trying their best to be friendly. People who get into a frothing rage because someone cooed at their baby (“she assumed it was MY baby! And she assumed it was a boy because she was wearing blue!”). People who mention how pleasantly slim you look (“Doesn’t he realize it’s because I have cancer???”)
Just calm down.
Well, he mentioned the dude laying hands on him. That’s not cooing at the baby, that’s randomly grabbing a pregnant woman and rubbing your hands all over her baby bump. Without hyberbole it’s still a hell no, and with hyperbole it’s a hell yes we’re beating them to death with the cane.
And also, as noted, I consider Christianity to be quite literally demon worship, and accepting blessings from such a demon is sort of akin to accepting financial donations from white supremacists. And this is true even if the person petitioning them on my behalf doesn’t recognize that they’re terrible.
ETA: And it doesn’t help that the demons in question are fictional - the person is trodding on my moral sensibilities and I don’t even get the demon’s blessings out of it!
For me, it has nothing to do with “aggrieved atheism.” It has to do with uninvited touching. I do not like people to touch me unless they have been invited to do so or it is part of their job, such as a physician.
Unwanted touching is criminal battery. If I crack wise, then that’s the nicest thing I can do to someone who aggressively touches me without permission.
Oh. MyGod. The 1990s called. They want their callous ignorance back.
Which, if you do right, can invoke Braxton Hicks contractions which are highly amusing (to watch someone you don’t particularly like deal with).