AlTeRnAtE CaPs.
When people who are experts in the field in which you are asking a question provide you with answers, say “I googled that, and I think you’re wrong.” And then go into a long-winded diatribe about the hegemony of professionals.
Sock puppets. Dozens and dozens of sock puppets. Victory in internet debates generally come down to numbers.
Snark.
When it looks like your opinion is outnumbered, point out how you are getting e-mail from lurkers supporting you.
Repetition…repetition…repetition
Repetition…
…and self quoting
And posting post after post faster than people can respond.
Throwing numerous cites into a long-winded response (also known as a Gish Gallop), and posting follow-up replies faster than anyone has time to verify that your cites say what you claim they say.
Almost - you forgot not to break paragraphs - but you need to use comic sans. Like this:
Never, ever break your thought into cogent paragraphs, or even sentences. Do NOT use periods, EVER, and commas only every 400 words or so. You’re just giving people an excuse to stop reading. 'cuz people can only appreciate the lightning speed at which your mind works if you explain everything in run-on rambles that cover every subject and idea on that subject that you’ve ever had at least since sixth grade and most people are too slow and ignorant to really catch on unless there is an unending stream of text drilling it into their brains and man my dog is cool you should see what he did to the insurance salesman yesterday and besides they tried that idea in april of 1917 and it was obvious to me even before that that it would never work and a better way to do it is with raspberry jam and even a dork like you should be able to figure that out.
This is an effective method. The moment you see something you don’t agree with, shoot off a response into the Quick Reply box, and ask questions later. Continue doing this for every post you’d like to respond to until there are at least three posts in a row by you. Anything less than three just shows people that you’re not serious.
Gee, I didn’t know that had a name.
Bonus points if some of the cites are links to journals which require a paid subscription, or are written in foreign languages, or (ideally) both. This will convince your adversaries that you subscribe to esoteric periodicals that they don’t, and that you speak foreign languages fluently enough to read professional journals, and that therefore you are right.
Dead links are helpful, too. They make it appear that your library of bookmarks on your chosen topic is so vast that you can’t maintain it. This is one of the hallmarks of an expert.
Rational wiki doesn’t say, but I thought it came from Usenet, in talk.origins or alt.atheism. I argued with Gish, back in the day. I’ve stopped doing that, because…
The way to be totally convincing on the Internet is to pick and opponent and argue with them endlessly. For years, if necessary. Never once, ever, acknowledge that the other guy might have a point or be right about anything. Be sure, when picking your adversary, you pick someone as [del]crazy[/del] [del]OCD[/del] [del]fanatical[/del] dedicated as yourself. Otherwise right in the middle of a five year long argument, your adversary may just stop arguing! Can’t have that.
This is why I left Usenet. 
Exclamation points!!!
Also, if you can find a quote from a founding father that some how could be made to be relevant to your point, you have this and all future arguments. It doesn’t even matter if you are arguing with someone who is not from the US.
If your opponents try to use facts or evidence to refute what you say, tell them that that’s just their opinion.
If someone tries to dismiss what you say by saying its based on opinion or doesn’t make logical sense, imply they are too stupid to understand your arguments and helpfully repeat everything you’ve already written. It is important that this ‘explanation’ contains no new facts.
You are the norm. Anyone who says their experiences differ from yours are either liars or freaks. Or freaky liars.
No I’m not.
You’re just jealous.
Takes one to know one.
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Parsing makes you infallible. Especially if you can do it after every sentence.
Nazis. Won’t someone think of the Nazis?
Everyone who disagrees with you is either a Communist, or a Nazi but probably a Nazi.
La la la put your fingers in your ears and say “First they came for the…” and mis quote Pastor Martin Niemöller however suits you best.
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Call people a Nazi, everyone HATES this. Once my grandmother got into an arugment with Hitler and she called him a Nazi and even he hated it. So when a person makes a valid point call him a Nazi and/or compare him to Hitler
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Use social networking, like MySpace or Facebook. It obvious the more friends you have on a social network site, the more intellegent you are and the more correct your opinons are. The more friends you have the more “cool” you are. Your correctnes is proportional to your coolness.
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Post a fake pic. Even if you’re right, it’s better to be WRONG AND UGLY than right and correct. People will listen to you if they think you’re hot.
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Bring up their weight problem. Since a majority of people in the West are overweight, you can always say “He (She) doesn’t know when to stop eating, if she can’t do a simple thing like that how can she be right?”
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Call people an AIDS boy. Nobody likes AIDS. And since even among gays, the AIDS rate is climbing despite knowlege of how to prevent it, it gets under people’s skin and makes you sound convincing
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Only talk about easy subjects. Start topics like:
I think it should be illegal to push wheelchair people down hills for the purposes of gambling. Or “I am against using fuzzy kitty cats as decorative orniments on wedding cakes.”
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If you can’t sound convincing trick your opponents. For instance, mention Linux. No one really knows what this is, and everyone is afraid to admit it. So while you’re being convincing on the Internet, they’re busy googling, “Linux.”
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Criticize grammar and spelling. Point out it doesn’t matter how effective their arguments are, if they mispell a word or put in a typo they’re stupid. Point out, even though there’s never been a rule where a sentence can’t end in a preposition, if they DO, do this, then that means they can’t be right about anything else
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Use Wikipedia to support your claims. Make a claim, then run to Wikipedia and change it there to support your fact. Don’t forget to include a reference to a book that no one has immediate access to, so it looks like your claims are properly referenced.
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Always get in the last word. ALWAYS, did you understand, don’t let the other guy get in the last word. Even if it means you keep a thread going till the second coming you ALWAYS get in the last word. Do you got that? 'Cause if you don’t…