How to Deal With A Pesky Brown Noser?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I got a real problem at work. I got a covert brown noser, and only I work close enough with this guy on a daily basis to see his true colors. I can’t flat-out accuse him of it because he has everyone fooled (including himself). I can’t backstab him for it would only backfire on me. Believe me, I’m not jealous of this guy, but he’s a subtle legend in his own mind. I mean, his ego could be bigger, but his one-upsmanship is bad enough…and he’s a real opportunist.

He makes me sick. :mad: What I do? Put a punching bag in my cubical for hourly stress relief? :frowning:

Any advice?

  • Jinx
2

How does one brown-nose covertly?

3

If you can, get away from him, try to not work on projects with him. Sucks, I know.

4

Perhaps something like an email to the boss “if you walk by Jinx’s cubicle right now, you’ll catching him screwing around on the internet, oh and that report you wanted for next week, it’ll be on your desk in two hours” So the boss casually walks by Jinx’s cubicle, and ‘notices’ him on the internet doing non-work-related stuff. Jinx get’s in trouble and the brown noser gets a few brownie points.

5

Can you elaborate on the brown nosing?

6

Yeah, I’m with Sleeps. Need more information.

Is he good at his job? Is he intelligent? Is your management intelligent?

I’ve worked with very intelligent brown-nosers who were promoted quickly. A big lesson learned for me when I was younger and hated the butt-kissers: Yeah, that brown-nosing to the bosses? It’s really effective when it comes to building client relationships and selling the product, because lots of people like their butts smooched. Most management will see a good brown-noser as a good salesman.

It’s the Machiavellian types that I can’t stand.

7

I believe you’ve answered your own question. Management is blind. Have you ever known a manager who really had a clue? In this case, they don’t even know our products! They’re just widgets (as taught by every business school) we shuffle out the door. With management being blind, the butt kissers get promoted while the ones who deserve the credit (and foolishly believe management is noticing) are left behind. I couldn’t live with myself if I have to stoop to butt kissing.

8

Do you guys really need me to spell it out? Haven’t you met the chameleon? Ok, here we go - how to be a covert butt kisser 101: Start by getting in good with the bosses immediately above you. Pal around with them. Spend more time in their offices than in yours. Shoot the breeze about golf or whatever the boss likes, but wrap it around some shop talk to look like you’re being productive. Then, start inviting them to go to lunch with you. (No, you do not have to pay.) Blow off your prime obligations knowing that your partner will HAVE to pick up the slack by leaving your partner in a fine Catch-22. Most of all, never ever invite your partner to join y’all at lunch - despite the fact that you two work together like peas in a pod - because said lowly partner is unworthy of being in your awesome presence. Last, start dressing like the boss, carry a blackberry and blue tooth like him, i.e., clone yourself!

Ulterior Objectives: Be the biggest fish in a small pond. Stick your nose into all other’s business to see what tasks you can worm into to gain as many feathers in your cap as possible. Do all you can to make yourself look good. Master the one upsmanship thing to covertly put people down…esp in meetings. Always talk like a big shot, but spin your bragging into making sound like how you’ve done everyone a big favor “I did it all for you, ya know…not me, you…” Be a legend in your own mind. Yes, you can fool all the people all the time!

Meanwhile, sure I could SLAM this guy so easily on so many counts of slacking in his prime duties, but it will all backfire on me because managers are SO BLIND to who really does the work in the office! Even talking with managers, they don’t care about details, just the bottom line. So, like, on one purchase where our bottom line didn’t reconcile, they couldn’t comprehend why - because the devil is in the details which they handwave away.

Not sure what exactly is the “Machivelian” type. Ends justifies the means, right? But, in the office, what’s that equate to? Backstab and break all ethical rules just to meet the deadline? If so, oh yeah…that’s my “buddy’s” mentor! :rolleyes:

It figures…just when I have a job I like. And, it’ll get worse as two key managers (both with a voice of reason) are leaving. Now, the clowns (including this joker) will be running the circus. I doubt I can speak to these ex-managers before they leave…without it backfiring on me somehow. (Please understand we have a glut of managers and 10 worker bees! Ah, “In Search of Excellence” at its best!) :wink:

Clown to the clown,

  • Jinx
9

I should add: Luckily, we’re not in sales. We contract to the gov. He does not contact the client, and gov contracts is a whole different world, anyhow.

…Being stuck in his shadow is going to drive me ballistic, however. :mad:

10

No one at work mentions their Blackberry any more after my little campaign wearing one of these on my belt (you make a clip with paper clips). Weeks later people would get me to show people “your Blackberry”.

The accompanying jokes write themselves really.

11

Backstab and break all ethical rules…to make more money for yourself.

12

I’d like to suggest that if it’s easier to get ahead in your company by brownnosing as opposed to actually getting work done, your problem isn’t with the brownnoser. It’s with your company. Find another company or start your own.

13

It sounds like a jealousy to me, but it’s understandable.

I don’t have a brown-noser coworker (hate that name, btw), but I do have a coworker who’s so friendly and garralous that it can be annoying. She talks to bosses, subordinates, and co-workers in the same, laughy informal way. People gravitate towards her (she had a huge group in the break room celebrating her birthday the other day) and even people who don’t work with her know all about her. Meanwhile, I’m the quiet mouse who sits in the adjacent cubicle who squirms every time the phone rings. I socialize with others and participate in water cooler gabbery, but for most of the day, I’m a busy beaver typing away at the computer.

I try to control the jealousy by telling myself that I couldn’t handle the kind of stress that comes with being “the life of the party”. People who put themselves out like that are bound to step on toes (and it’s happened in this coworker’s case). I prefer instead to be well-respected and seen as solid and dependable. I may not get on the fast track with a style like this, but I don’t want to be on the fast track.

Can you seek out your own mentor? Someone in leadership who you can “chum” around with? Besides being on top of your game and never letting him “one-up” you in meetings, I don’t know what else can do.

14

Well, you could always find ways to turn his brown nosing against him.

Tell him the ‘big report’ isn’t done because you got too drunk last night. Then once he’s told the boss, walk in and drop it on his desk.

Tell him the boss is really into Hello Kitty figurines / Baywatch memorabilia / Nazi paraphernalia. Tell him that’s what you got said manager for his birthday.

Stare at him intently for 3.5 seconds before answering any question. (that’s just fun)

15

Don’t be so sure that management is blind. I’m in my (shit, I just realized I jumped into a new age group) mid-30s, and maybe I’m a slow learner, but I’m “getting” things now about the workplace.

  1. People like their asses kissed.

  2. You’re your only true advocate. The best way to do this is frequently in small doses ensure that those around you know what you’re doing, using buzzwords: client names, percentage increases, saved time, etc. Think how the MBA thinks and use that knowledge.

  3. Management likes people who can get others to do their work for them. How better to prove you’re a good manager? If the work is getting done, believe it or not, but management sees this type of person as an asset. And it’s all on your hard-working back.

  4. Not really related to your situation, but if you make lots of money for the company, you can do anything you want or say anything to anyone below upper management, with no fear of repercussion. Not only that, but you’ll be promoted quickly. It’s quite amazing to watch people be complete assholes to work with to everyone equal or below them and then watch them get promoted.

Your ass-kissing buddy seems to know what he’s doing.