I belong to another message board devoted to a particular health issue. Most of the people there have similar experiences and stories, and I can see how cyber attachments can develop.
In my situation, there’s a lady about 10 years older than myself who is convinced that she’s in love with me, and that I should run off with her for a wild weekend of whoopie, despite the fact that we’re both married. That is something that in real life has a less than 0 chance of happening.
It was kind of fun at first, but she’s become increasingly bluer and persistent in her pressure on me. I’ve tried on a couple of occasions to get her to stop with the come-ons, but it’s not working.
I’m afraid the only way it will stop is if I tell her no more contact, set my e-mail twit filters on kill, and disappear from that board for a while.
Have you tried the blunt approach? “Look…I’m flattered by your attention, but I’m happily married and frankly, your persistent sexual references are making me uncomfortable. If we can’t keep the conversation at a friendly, G-rated level, I’m afraid I won’t be able to converse with you at all. I hope you understand.”
If that doesn’t work, bail. No sense feeling all resentful toward her. You can go back under a different name or something.
Honestly, I’m not sure there’s much you can do. I’m not familiar with that aspect of law, but would a restraining order be possible or enforcable in this case? It sounds like it’s all directed through the message board and email, not personal contact. Have you talked to the admins of that board? Might be a step to take. Other than that, delete her emails and otherwise just ignore her would be my advice. My opinion, YMMV, offer not valid where prohibited by law or haircolor, etc
Sorry, the suggestion was tongue in cheek, I just didn’t follow it up with a smilie.
I suppose you could go to the mods about it, ask them to tell her to knock off the inappropriate behavior. Get a throwaway email addy specifically for that board, and then hide it. Maybe if that happened, she’d be so embarrassed (and ticked at you because of said embarrassment) she’ll ignore you. Do they have an ignore function? You could put her on your ignore list.
I have the feeling that on the SDMB such behavior would get a person banned. At any rate, you’ve given her a chance to salvage the G-rated friendship and she chose not to. At this point your best option is to just ignore her. Oh, and if there is the slightest chance that she might pursue this in the real world, make sure you have a printout of all your interactions with her online just in case.
If it’s a message board, why is it a problem? Just don’t read her posts. Does the board have an “ignore” feature? Put her on ignore.
Does she live in your town?
Unless she’s sneaking into your house to boil bunnies, it shouldn’t be an issue.
I agree with suggestions to just ignore her (literally and figuratively). There was a case in Calgary very recently about a guy who cyber-stalked his ex-girlfriend relentlessly, causing her no end of trouble. His sentence? One year in jail. Computer privileges NOT restricted.
In other words, don’t even bother thinking about things like restraining orders; it sounds like it would be way, way more trouble than it’s worth.
Block her IMs and emails, ignore her on the boards, and it doesn’t really matter if she goes away or not - you won’t be participating in her little fantasy any more.
I mean no disprespect, I have a sense there is more to this story.
My first clue is “It was fun at first…”
If I’m married and someone is coming on to me, there is no “It was fun at first…” She gets put in check right at giddeyup. Is it possible that you’re suffering a little angst because she wants to continue to play a game you willingly played? If you were flirting (or worse) with this woman, and now she’s looking to boil your rabbit, you have to accept some responsibility, don’t ya?
That doesn’t change the fact that if you said “stop, we’re all done” she has an obligation to stop. But it seems a little incongruous that she’s giving you a full court press without the slightest encouragement from you. It doesn’t seem logical. At any rate, if you encouraged this in any way it seems to me that you bear some responsibility for her advances.
If she’s irrational, any contact–even in conflict—is better than no contact. State your case plainly and respectfully. And then ignore her completely—especially if there is an “ignore” feature.
Maureen that’s the problem with Firefox. You open a bunch of tabs and by the time you get to this one, responses have already snuck in without you being aware of them. :smack:
I was responding to VunderBob’s OP.
Sorry for the confusion.
smilie.