I’m aware of any number of positive steps one can take to deal with one’s own shyness. But if I have to work with a painfully shy person in my professional life, are there things I can do to make it easier for them?
I can’t just take the self-help stuff and turn it around and use it on them. “Hello, Mr Jefferies… here’s your file… by the way did you know you deserve to feel good about yourself?”
Any tips would be useful.
I’m pretty shy myself, so I have a few comments.
First, if you are calling him Mr. and delivering files, I’ll presume that his office “rank” is higher than yours. This may limit your options a little.
I’m curious what you want to achieve. Do you want to establish a personal relationship? Do you want to help him fit in better in the company? Is his shyness interfering with his job and you want to help him out, because…?
Also, what you perceive as shyness may be just social awkwardness due to poor social skills (that’s one of my big ones - thanks, Mom and Dad!).
So the answer is, it depends. Perhaps the best you can do is be friendly, and be someone he can talk to in absolute confidence.
it is my belief that shy people can be the most powerful and important people you’ll ever work with, i think there are things stirring in their little minds that are just begging for a little bit of attention and when released they will go a long way-
i think it’s quite noble of you to be willing to step out of your way to help this person, i wish more were like you- people who arent shy simply dont understand how someone could ever possibly be this way---- not saying that i am powerful or important, but my painful shyness has really affected career opportunities even when i was full of excitement and skilled for the job, oh well- thats why i submit to other hobbies–i just worry a bit about my future
it sounds like your situation at work is quite specific, care to elaborate?
Off to IMHO.
**DrMatrix - GQ Moderator
See, now, that’s what I think! 
I am shy, actually. I can go through severe stress winding myself up to walk across the office and ask someone for help. But I have more or less got to the place where I can just do it anyway, and usually, as long as I haven’t let myself get into a panic attack, the people I talk to turn out to be nice. I think my shyness is often based on fear of rejection.
However I can’t necessarily assume that about others. Also, as you say, I’m quite convinced that shy people are often goldmines which just haven’t been opened yet. I really want to enable them to communicate because (a) I know I’m a really good friend and really worth knowing, and loads of people miss that because I’m shy, and (b) it’s probably doing their heads in, being so shy. Therefore helping them out, if I can do it gently and positively, is The Right Thing To Do.
I’m assuming of course that if they’re not shy at all, and just genuinely don’t care for me, they’ll communicate this in some way.
While I was really crippled by shyness a few people took the time and effort to not walk away when I ran out of pre-prepared witty banter. Those people will never lose my gratitude. Maybe that’s one of the best things I could do - just keeping being friendly till they tell me to bog off?
The situation I’m posting about is both specific and general. I’m studying for an MSc in Library studies, it’s a professional qualification and I need to use the time here - and on placement - to network. Whether it’s a stereotype or not, there are an unusual number of quieter people on this course, and definitely a significant number of people who seem to find communication really really hard. If this is in any way representative of the way it’ll be on the job, I’m going to have to learn to be nice, friendly and approachable, and make people feel better. In point of fact it’s something I need to learn anyway, because there are always folk like that around, it’s just that in busier settings they tend not to get noticed.
First, make sure they want to be helped.
Are you sure he’s shy? He may just be an introvert.
When I deal with shy people, I try to engage them in light conversation that they’ll have no problem deciding what to say.
“Where did you grow up?”
“Did you like it there?”
“Do you come from a large family?”
That takes the “Hope I don’t say something stupid” option out of the equation. Eventually they learn to be more comfortable with simple conversation.
Obviously, you don’t want to delve into real personal stuff. Keep it light and generic.
I don’t think the people I’m concerned with are merely introverted, though of course they may be that as well. One or two have attempted to befriend me via email but prove very quiet, almost to the point of rudeness, when I talk to them personally. I just have a feeling for this situation that it’s a shyness thing.
You could always feed them Powdermilk Biscuits (in the big blue box).
I smell trouble for you. One of the first rules of dealing with shy people is to recognize that they will instantly make you their best friend, and be crushed when they find out they are just a project to you.
That is not true. I don’t do that.
This is actually an excellent suggestion. I need to work out a list. I also need to find some way to segue into it that doesn’t make them feel like they’re suddenly being interrogated.
I think I’ll be pretty sensitive about making sure people actually want help. I usually am. I don’t want to force my good intentions on people for the sake of it, I genuinely want to get to know them, IF they genuinely want to get to know me.