Again, folks – in most cases, the people asking are not close friends. They are more acquaintances and very often people whom I may never have in my home a second time.
“More than you make in a year at your crap job feeding swill to the unwashed masses, you ass-nugget!”
It makes me uncomfortable when people ask personal questions that are none of their business.
Well, the polite way to ask the general question is, “Where did you find it?”
That’s fine, but in the US, many people think it’s rude to ask what someone paid for something or to talk about their personal finances in any detail. Where I’m from, it would be like asking an acquaintance personal questions about their religious beliefs or sex life, so one would be totally taken aback by the question. Only a close friend would ask, and then only with a good reason.
Most of the responses given in the thread so far don’t seem rude to me, and even the most aggressive responses suggested seem directed more at what to do if the person persists in asking, which would be incredibly rude.
:smack: Sorry OP. I did read it, but forgot about that as I went through the thread. Well then it is inappropriate. Unfortunately, I don’t have an answer for you since I would probably just answer the question. I typically answer questions even if deemed inappropriate, as long as the person asking isn’t intentionally being rude.
I’m also a bit baffled why asking about cost is a such a rude question. It’s not like I’m an undercover IRS agent secretly trying to audit you.
I agree that the question is quite rude. It stems from an attitude of art as investment, rather than valuing beauty over resale value.
It is not at all uncommon however, for Americans to be mystified by Japanese art forms. We are raised to think of “crafts” as separate from “Fine Arts”, and crafts are always far less expensive. There are some artists, especially potters whose work has increased in value over the years, but it’s simply dwarfed by the cost of paintings, and sculptures in more traditional materials. Most Americans can not conceive of paying $15,000.00 for a perfect brush, or an exquisite paper.
So, my rule of thumb is: “When someone asks you a question you don’t wish to answer, answer the question you wish they had asked.” In this instance, you might respond with information about the artist, the craft, maybe write down the webpage in case they’d like to see more of his work. Use it as an opportunity to educate.
If they persist in asking after that, simply respond with “I don’t know what the value would be today, I’m sure I wouldn’t part with it for anything.”
Winner!!!
I had conversation as follows with a family member.
Aunt: Can you look at my computer here?
Me: (tap tap tap) Ah, you’ve got a virus that fucked up your computer. All better now.
Aunt: I’m sorry, what did you say?
Me: You’ve got a virus that fucked up your computer. All better now.
Aunt: I heard what you said, I just don’t appreciate you swearing around me.
Me: Then don’t ask me to repeat it if you didn’t like it.
I had social engineering questions like that. Passive aggressive bullshit and far from true etiquette at all.
The link the OP provided really does make me want to know how much that stuff costs. They’re really very interesting pieces, and I wish I made a better attempt at making having art a better possibility. Asking how much it costs is certainly gauche, but isn’t there a way for the OP to lead the person asking to where it would be easy to find out?
“I got it at Gallery X, where similar pieces range from [small number] to [big number].”
Maybe that’s too much information for the OP to be comfortable revealing, I dunno.
I think you should politely decline to answer, though If this question bothers you so much why are you inviting all these people to your home?
FWIW I don’t really think asking about the price of something like that is rude. With a small amount of research the price of almost anything can be found on the internet.
… which is *exactly *what an undercover IRS agent would say.
It is treating the art as a commodity, instead of as a beautiful object to be enjoyed. FDH has presumably gone to some trouble and expense to build a beautiful space, and has generously invivted these people to enjoy it. They are asking about the logistics, instead of enjoying what she, as their hostess is offering.
If someone prepared a delicious dinner for you, would you ask the price of the ingredients at the beginning of each course? You might try to show interest in the process by asking about techniques and spices, but never price.
So, what I’m trying to say above is; treat the question as if it were just a poorly worded attempt to show interest, rather than a cheapening of the offering by narrowing it to its fiscal value.
I don’t think you’re going to win with this one. There are a lot of people out there who lack basic ettiquette, but no one is going to take kindly to you calling them out as inappropriate. You can either cater to them, or teach them a lesson. Unfortunately I think if you go with the second option there will be many more accusatory stares from the crowd in your future. A lot of people think being honest in this fashion is ruder than whatever the original rude person did…
Whenever I feel like someone is asking a rude question I don’t want to answer, I usually blow it off with an incredulous chuckle, and then say ‘I don’t know why you would ask that’, followed with something blunter like ‘That’s rude’ if they persist. I’ve sure hurt some feelings and/or made people feel awkward by doing this, but they deserved it, and I haven’t made any enemies. I usually make a point of being extra-friendly right after I shut them down so they know that my reaction wasn’t because I don’t like them personally (even if that’s the case). The same technique works well when disciplining children FWIW.
That is just silly.
They are acquaintances who have the potential to become friends. They might be friends of friends (like one guy who asked the question was invited to my holiday party as someone’s date). In some cases, I am hosting non-profit Board Meetings in my apartment and these people are board members who have never been to my apartment before.
What should I do - give any potential visitor a questionnaire before I invite them to my home to assure they aren’t going to make an etiquette guffaw?
That’s one of the reasons it is rude to ask. If the item is extremely valuable (or an expensive item for a person of that income level), the asker might be embarassed or ashamed that they can’t afford such things. The host might sound like they are bragging about their possessions, which is crass. By asking you are putting the host in the awkward position of insulting you by answering, or insulting you by not answering. That’s the very essense of a rude question.
It makes other people uncomfortable when people overreact to - or refuse to answer for no apparent reason - an innocuous question.
The correct answer would have been “Well then, let me put the fucking virus back.”
“How much did that cost?”
“I don’t know. I found it trash picking and thought it was cool! What will you offer for it?”
later, Tom.