People who don’t have enough imagination to decide if they like a piece of art have to be told how much it costs before they know if it is any good.
I agree that it’s a rude question but I think you also have to keep in mind that people are not necessarily asking to be smug or dismissive, they probably don’t know much about how to make polite conversation about art displayed prominently in someone else’s home. It might even be an attempt to be social and show an interest in the object you obviously take pride in. So yeah, if you want the conversation to go smoothly without embarrassing the other person just say “I don’t remember” or “Oh it’s nothing extravagant” or some other vague answer that doesn’t strongly imply it’s a rude question. Many people will pick up on your evasive answer. The ones who don’t, then you can pull out the snappy replies.
This is really bizarre reading all of these posts with snappy comebacks etc.
What is your goal in this situation?
Being intentionally rude to a person that is probably not being intentionally rude is really pretty immature. What do you think you are gaining from that form of communication in this instance?
My goal? I know I was rude to the guy at my holiday party last year because it was the first time someone had the temerity to ask such a thing.
Then it happened yesterday and threw me for a loop, thinking the first time was an isolated incident.
My goal is to find a polite way to diffuse a scenario that is uncomfortable for me. I admit to not handling it well the first time. The second time I answered the question and immediately regretted it so I wanted guidance on how to deal with it when it happens again.
Rude person - How much did you pay for that piece?
You - Anal sex.
Rude person - …you had anal sex with someone in exchange for art?
You - No, I just thought you were bringing up uncomfortable conversation topics so I thought I would contribute.
Then it is simple: “I prefer not to say”
And the feeling behind it and inside you should be one of understanding that the person doesn’t necessarily know your rules (love for your fellow man, golden rule, etc.). If you are angry and say those words, they will know it.
I have a didgeridoo in my living room, and frequently get the same question. In fact, it’s rare for anyone to ask me what it is and then not ask how much it costs.
Like you, I’ve found this a bit off-putting, and I’ve wondered why everybody asks. Nobody asks about more conventional travel souvenirs in my house, such as urns and statues.
It can’t be that my friends are inherently rude, because they’re not. If they were, they wouldn’t be my friends.
And it can’t be that they’re especially nosy, because there’s nothing to be nosy about. We’re all professionals in roughly the same income bracket, and my friends know within a fairly narrow limit how much money I make.
Nor can it be that my friends are questioning my taste, and wondering whether I buy cheap crap. The people who ask about price are usually struck with wonderment at the didgeridoo, and praise it as a unique and beautiful object.
So why do they ask?
The problem, I think, is that the didgeridoo is an unfamiliar object, and your woven bamboo may be the same. People feel a need to categorize and compartmentalize the unfamiliar, and whether we like it or not, one of the metrics for doing so in a cash society is price. It’s like asking what an object’s made of or how it’s produced–it’s information that helps people define, in their minds, what it is.
Sometimes I still give smart-ass answers, as per this thread. But I’ve gotten past getting angered at the questioners. It isn’t worth it, at any price.
Immediately regretted telling them how much it cost? Can you feel all their eyes upon you, “He paid $10,000 for that?”? 
I think it was either Ann Landers or Miss Manners who advised this reply to such questions: “I’ll forgive you for asking that question if you’re forgive me for not answering it.”
Haaaa! Good one.
I had learned from Ann Landers to say “Why do you want to know” but like Clockwork said, they will probably say, “just curious”.
I think the reason one wouldn’t want to answer this question is because one might feel judged. Sometimes people ask me what my shoes cost, after complimenting them. Let me tell you something…shoes are one of my very few indulgences. I have had the same tiny t.v. for over 20 years, because every time I think of getting one that doesn’t make the actors look like big headed oompa loompas, I think, “I would rather have shoes”.
If I were to tell some folks what I pay for some shoes, I would be judged for sure. They would tell me I should be saving that money up to purchase a home, or send my kid to college or something.
I have been saying, “Oh, I couldn’t answer a question like that! It wouldn’t be classy of me to answer that.” I think now, after reading this thread, that I probably can think of a nicer way to handle it.
ETA: BobLibdem, I bet it was Miss Manners. She had the coolest responses!
I think it’s important to remember that 99% of the people who ask you this question mean no harm by it, they’re simply trying to take an interest in your home and possessions and have unintentionally committed a social gaffe. You can easily embarass them into silence and make them feel very small with a somewhat icy reply that’s it’s none of their business, but the graceful thing to do is to deflect the question while allowing them to save face with something like “oh, gosh, I’m embarassed to say how much I paid for that.”
I don’t ask how much things are, but I wouldn’t get all bent out of shape if someone asked me. If the cost is such a minor concern, tell them and move on. What’s the big deal? I mean, if someone asked me, I am certainly not going to let someone else make me feel ashamed for how much I paid for something. Isn’t that what we are really saying when we say we won’t tell people how much we paid for something? Because we don’t want their opinion of us to change? Otherwise, so what?
Interestingly, I find “I prefer not to say,” to itself be a rude thing to say. That’s a refusal to engage, which is demeaning to a guest, or really to any human being who has personally addressed you. It suggests that a question may or may not be legitimate, but the respondent’s ownership of the answer is more important than the questioner’s interest. Talk about insulting!
The question asked of the OP would strike me as rude (for one thing) because in my culture it is rude to introduce the question of money into a discussion of somebody else’s life or interests. People can choose to talk about money matters, but the subject should be first raised by the person whose money it is. As noted, this is a varying perception, perhaps completely absent in some cultures, and so my response would try to clue the questioner in to my cultural expectations. Voyager and others have made suggestions along these lines, but I find some of the tones just a little confrontational.
Rather than overtly challenging reasons, slightly “misunderstanding” the question in least-invasive terms can often be helpful in cushioning the blow here. One could just say, “oh, it’s not for sale,” breezily, with a smile. This compels the questioner to repeat or restate the question, drop it, or say something different.
If they press on baldly (“No, no, how much did you pay?”), that’s when I’d deploy one of the other suggestions in the thread, like sandra_nz’s or Acid Lamp’s.
If the questioner actually is interested in buying a similar work, they’ll restate the question in those terms, and the discussion can then turn easily to where and how to go about this, and what the buyer-to-be might expect to pay for something similar, rather than the price of the particular piece at hand.
But there’s a deeper matter here.
Right. Thinking of works of artistry (which includes great cooking and “crafts” as well as “fine arts”) primarily in terms of their price is philistine. It betrays a lack of appreciation for its deeper and more enduring values, and, if pressed, insults those values.
The price a work’s present owner paid is not important (unless you’re sufficiently interested to be in the market yourself). If the amount of that past transaction were $1,000 more or less, what difference would that make to the appreciation of the work’s presence here and now? None.
Now, I don’t necessarily fault people for lacking taste, or simply familiarity with a category, as Freddy the Pig mentions. I don’t have a familiarity or appreciation of all art forms, and I assume that’s because I haven’t had the context opportunity to develop the relevant sensitivities. I try not to announce that I don’t get it–unless perhaps I’m seeking help in getting it–not to conceal my own lack, but to respect those who do have the appreciation.
It’s conceivable that questioners like the OP’s may be expressing some level of genuine appreciation, but have little means for articulating interest except in terms of money. If true, this is a sad comment on our larger culture, but the correct response on an individual level would be to kindly turn the conversation toward a discussion of those other values.
Yes. Perhaps comment on how the work makes you feel. Point out some non-obvious feature, inviting your guest to take a closer look. Give them another framework for approaching it than as consumer or investor or gawking tourist.
Well, once you’ve been burned a few times you are cautious. I used to own a horse (I was NOT wealthy at the time, like Nzinga it was something I sacrificed a lot of things other people take for granted to afford.) But as soon as some people hear it all of a sudden “you’re always acting superior” “you think you’re better than us” etc. It was even something mentioned to me at my evaluation! “other employees say you’re flaunting your wealth and it makes them uncomfortable” HAHAHAHA. My “wealth” indeed, with my 13 year old car and 15 year old TV, and roommates. I mean, I laugh now, but at the time the whole thing was the cause of some tears not to mention doubts about my job security.
You’re right – it’s not just “being honest”, it is being rude.
The worst etiquette faux pas is pointing out someone else’s mistake.
Use the deflection techniques discussed in previous points. Never tell someone they are rude. (Especially in public. If it is someone you have a close relationship with, or a child, etc. you can teach them about it later.)
And if as you are eating dinner someone picks up the wrong fork, just smile and keep eating – don’t point it out to them.
Actually Priceless: The Myth of Fair Value (and How to Take Advantage of It) discusses some research showing that knowledge of the price has a definite effect on appreciation.
For example, if you give two glasses of the same wine to two people, and tell one it is cheap swill and tell the other it is a very expensive vintage, they will have a different perception of the wine. They’ve actually shown different physical reactions in brain scans with such experiments.
(I still think it is rude to ask for all the reasons you point out.)
Just answer, “Oh, I prefer not to say,” or “Oh, I bought it so long ago, I really can’t recall.” Both get across that you’re not comfortable answering, without being too rude about it.
Rude person here:
It is not rude to ask an honest question. It is rude to presume the intent of a person’s question. You can always use ‘Why do you ask?’ if you are unclear about the intent. It is rude to presume others know what makes you uncomfortable.
If you are going to take offense without knowing if offense was intended, and respond rudely, you might as well use my response in post #12. Don’t show off your art if you are unwilling to hear the questions and opinions regarding it.
Here are actual rude comments:
My kid could do that.
Man did you get ripped off.
I have a skin tag that looks like that.
Why didn’t you just answer the question? Honesty actually is the best policy.
OK, I retract my previous comment that asking the price is not at all rude. I still think it’s not, but it shows a lack of social awareness. And I agree it would be rude to point that out in front of others. Even if done politely, it could stop the conversation cold and embarass the asker.
I like TruCelt’s idea. Building on that, I would gently ackowledge the question while not answering it, then lead the conversation to a more productive place. “I don’t recall, but the interesting thing about this piece is…” Everyone gets to save face and you can have the conversation that you really want to have.
This is the key concept to learn about etiquette/manners. They exist to make the social interaction smoother.
In IT, when implementing computer protocols, the adage is to be strict about what you give out, and lenient about what you accept from others.
For every action, look for the avenue that smooths the interaction. Anything that escalates the conflict or disrupts the interaction (asking someone the price of their art might make them feel awkward, calling them rude for asking the price) is the wrong answer.
Strive to do the right thing yourself, but if someone else does the wrong thing, you should assume they are human and made a simple mistake and try to find the best way through.