I’m getting married this year, and both my bride and I are over 50, and have fully stocked households that we will have to merge. Like the OP, I really didn’t want a lot of gifts, and was inclined to put “No presents” on the invitations. But I checked, and Miss Manners says this isn’t allowed.
But we have come up with a plan that I think will minimize the number of gifts. I’ll be at liberty to disclose it, and how it worked, in a few months.
The other day I came up with an idea that we probably can’t use, but that would be really great: a reverse directory. All wedding guests have to go to my Web site and agree to take one of the items I’ll have to get rid of when I move in with my sweetie! Take my sofa. Please!
What one could do is have a website for the wedding festivities that one includes on the ‘save the date’ postcard. Amidst the information about dates, venues, and naked baby pictures of the bride and groom, list some bio info for those who don’t know the New Other Half; in that bio, mention the charities. This way the guest may get their own ideas. Sort of like a pre-wedding program?
Yeah!! You could have a potlatch.If you run low on stuff to give away, let me know. I’ll send along a van-load or 2.
Nope. Much of that stuff is mailed to the bride and groom, either before or after the wedding. You don’t see it on the table at the ceremony, but it’s being delivered.
I am terrible evil. I give blenders. Its my idea of a gag gift, but my friends are so bent that they get it. If I can come to the ceremony/reception, I bring it, if not, I have it shipped to their home. I also buy something off the registry that they want…but lets face it…how would you know that you got married if you didn’t have at least 3 blenders?
I am suddenly feeling churlish and rude. Congratulations to everyone who is getting married soon. I hope your day’s are special and perfect.
I can see this catching on. My Sweet Baboo doesn’t have a lot of stuff due to his career choice, but I have seen other people try to combine households.
I have not read every post, forgive me. But I had some friends with a similar issue, they needed nothing, and just wanted people to attend.
Still, the urge to give a gift is very strong to try and over ride, be prepared.
Here’s what my friends did, and it seemed to work pretty well. They included a note with the invites, explaining they really did have all they needed, and wished only for a gift free wedding, as unusual as it seems. Them give them choices. If they must, please donate to our favorite charity…blah, blah.
You might think that covers it - it doesn’t. People are going to call you, your Mom, his Mom. Be ready, and present a united front. Just script it for them so they are repeating what the invite note effectively said. Then include that you have already preselected a needy/worthy family to whom all gifts will be donated.
BINGO! That you’re going to regift all seems to be the final straw, as it were. It conveys that you are in earnest.
I have another friend who is in very similar situation to yours. She asked my advice and I opened my mouth to repeat the above. It occurred to me to come back and ask: What did you finally do? How was the idea received? Anything you wish you’d done or would do differently?
My friend’s daughter just got married to a military man. They’ll be stationed a few thousand miles away in Alaska. They discreetly spread the word as to their plans, which would make hauling gifts very inconvenient, and I didn’t see one wrapped gift at their wedding. I think we were all smart enough to send money.
P.S. There’s no way in hell I’m attending someone’s wedding without bringing a gift.
Not to be speaking for our dear flatlined, but I THINK that the marriage to Sweet Baboo, USMC, did not go forward as planned, and instead a couple of years later she found herself happily hitched to Beloved Butthead, e-e-e-e-vul lackey of Big Oil.
My immediate feeling is that she does not regret how things turned out for her.
I do hope that Sweet Baboo, USMC, returned safely to WVA, and found a suitable partner with whom to spend his golden years.
I just had two friends get married for the first time but they had all the stuff they needed already. Instead they signed up for a website that lets people “buy” your honeymoon. It breaks airfare and hotel and other items into different price points so people can buy like 1/4 of an airplane ticket, or 1/2 a night at the hotel.
I apologize for the delay. When I posted the message above, I intended to reveal the “secret” plan in three months, not 43. (Of course, this obviously won’t be useful to flatlined, but someone might enjoy it.
We had a surprise wedding. We invited about 30-35 of our closest friends and family to an “engagement party” at a nice restaurant, and said we’d tell them there when the wedding would be. When they arrived, we handed out invitations that said, “The wedding is NOW!”
We did tell a few key people in advance, but most everyone else was really surprised. It was fun, unique, and we got almost no gifts, just as we wanted.
I know this is a zombie, but I wanted to reply to one of the new responses.
Bringing gifts to the wedding itself is burdensome to the couple. We hadn’t anticipated this, and we had a lot of things to bring home in our car already, including the leftover food and booze, and all the things we’d had to bring with us for the wedding, like the chuppah canopy. We ended because of the gifts people brought to the wedding, we ended up having to use my mother’s car, as well as having someone who had a van volunteer to bring the last of everything. That was even after sending some food and booze home with guests. And this was a supposed “No gifts” wedding. We tried to make it “no gifts” by asking a few trusted friends and our rabbi to informally spread the word, and by not registering anywhere. Most people who sent us gifts anyway sent them to the house ahead of the wedding, but still, a lot of people brought them.
We had about 300 guests, and even though we succeeded in discouraging gifts in about 2/3 of the guests, and about half of the gifts we did get were cash, that left still about 50 people, maybe 30 of whom brought things, half of which were bigger than a bread basket, to the ceremony.
I hate to sound like I’m complaining about people’s generosity, and FTR, I got every thank you note written and mailed within 10 days of the wedding, but it was burdensome to have to bring gifts home from the service, which was not at our home.
When I send a wedding gift, I always send it to the couple’s home, or if they are not yet living together, the bride’s home, in the weeks before the ceremony.
