How to speak to a woman...(sarcasm alert)

Someone sent this to me and some of it made me chuckle:

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT
She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.

She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.

She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.

She does not TEASE or FLIRT - She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.

She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.

She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.

She does not GET YOU EXCITED - She causes TEMPORARY BLOOD DISPLACEMENT.

She is not KINKY - She is a CREATIVE CARETAKER.

She does not have a KILLER BODY - She is TERMINALLY ATTRACTIVE.

She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.

She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.

She is not HORNY - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.

She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.

She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE

She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.

She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.

She is not a TWO BIT WHORE - She is a LOW COST PROVIDER.

Speak to a woman?

I don’t get it…


Yer pal,
Satan

An excellent list, Shirley!
But it didn’t mention interrupting a lot. Gotta do that, talkin’ to them femme types. See, if you don’t interrupt at least twice in one sentence, how ya gonna know if the little dear unnertans what it is she’s supposed to be thinking?

Veb

You know, when you have to ask her to get you a beer or move out from in front of the TV…


Your Official Cat Goddess since 10/20/99.

Semper Ubi Sub Ubi

She is not FLAT-CHESTED, she is ALTERNATIVELY PROPORTIONED.


“That’s entertainment!” —Vlad the Impaler

It’s like Grandpappy said, “There’s three schools of thought on how to win an argument with a woman. And none of them works.”