I have heard it alleged that the less a man talks about sex or less acts sexual around a woman, the more “sexually inclined” and physically open the woman becomes toward that man.
Is this true? Ladies… insight please
Women are put off by crudeness and an air of desperation from a man, or I know I am, anyway.
Footnote: If my OP is accurate, is it not also true that such a situation can possibly backfire on a guy? In other words, some people may start to wonder, “Is he gay?” if he never makes sexual advances at the woman, even though he actually wants her and is straight as an arrow and just being a modest gentleman?
Arden hit it on the head for me - crudeness bites.
I hate it when a guy is just flat out vulgar, I keep waiting for the pre-teen giggling to start. For some reason, I always equate that with being immature.
In my experience, crude talk about the act about to/ currently happening effectively kills the spontanaety (sp) and will turn me off fast.
Or maybe I’m a bitch 
.
One can show their interest in a woman without flat out propositioning her in a overt manner.
I don’t think it’s a question of myth or fact–I think it’s opinion. And even then, I think it varies.
There are some men who can get away with speaking very sexually with a woman. On the other hand, there are men who just piss women off and irritate them when they try that. Much has to do with the rest of the man’s personality. If he is acting immature, it isn’t going to work. However, if he can do it well and do it seductively, sometimes it can work.
The basis of the thought may explain why some guys like to do the whole, “If she thinks I’m gay, she’ll open up and get close to me because she doesn’t see me as a threat” mentality. I don’t go for that. I am never more attracted to a man who acts non-sexual than I am to someone who seems very confident in his sexual abilities.
But that’s just me.
Arden & 3-bunny said it well. If there’s an immaturity about it, it makes one want to run like hell. But there’s a delicate balance, as your follow-up question suggests. If a guy never flirts or mentions anything sexual, one can wonder if he’s even interested. I’d think one could accomplish a lot with flirting instead of talk that seems “sexual.” As in, “God your eyes are beautiful” vs. “I’ve been thinking all day about spreading those gorgeous white thighs.”
I had a guy I was seeing for, well, let’s face it, pretty much just for the awesome action between the sheets. He oozed sexuality, and he rarely failed to bring it up in conversation with me. But then, that’s what my relationship with him was about, and it got me pretty steamed up–0 to 60 in 3 seconds flat. But not everyone could carry it off like he could, saying those things without seeming ridiculous or off-putting.
mops her brow with her mousepad whew, shouldn’t have brought him up. Bob, if you’re reading this board… thanks for the memories, man.
I do not disagree with that at all. However, I wonder how long into the relationship or friendship, without sexual advances, would it begin to be damaging? If the man shows no overtly obvious sexual interest (even in a non-offensive context) it seems a woman could start to lose interest over time.
Sure, it would be wonderful to save your experience together within the confines of marriage, but I am one who believes that people shouldn’t jump right into marriage. It may take a few, possibly sex-free, years to know if you really want to be together forever.
I think a good fictional example of what I am driving at could be illustrated by Scully & Mulder’s relationship of the X Files. But that is FICTION. Not saying that kind of thing can’t happen, it just seems very unlikely and extremely rare.
I guess I worry too much. It’s just these things pop into my mind and I have to wonder about them.
Something else, too, is whether or not what he says is appropriate to the situation. Now, I’m not above screaming ‘f*** me!’ on occasion (although the asterisks are kinda hard to pronounce), but it usually fits the situation - i.e., in the final frantic moments of lovemaking.
But if a man’s opening salvo is “Hey, lemme git my dick in you…” it just lacks something. Like appeal.
Arden and Cranky are right. A man can make his interests known without having to be quite so blunt.
Hey, Cranky - I had a ‘Bob’, named Terry! Woo, what that man could do! They’re not very common, though…
Well, quite frankly, I am not exactly an “eloquent” speaker, vocally that is. So, if say something about sex or am feeling sexual, it doesn’t come out very well. I try to avoid a Beavis and Butthead mentality as much as possible. Some men just are gifted. I can’t imagine too many women NOT falling for just a VOICE like Barry White’s, regardless of what he is saying, his voice is a female magnet.
One way I have always used to express my feelings, is through writing original poetry or letters. However, although the saying goes, “The pen is mightier than the sword.” it rarely is as mighty as the spoken word. I heard a PR lecture once about public speaking. They say that the written word loses more than half of it’s impact, “feeling” or point, because it lacks tone, vocal inflection, and verbal mood, not too mention body language. You get the picture. I’m not good at body language either.
I have often had the poetry thing kind of flop for me. It’s not my writing that is poor, it’s just that my meaning and feeling get lost somewhere between the lines. I haven’t tried reading my poetry aloud to someone whom I have written it for. Maybe I should, although it would be embarassing. But this only applies to existing relationships.
What about new relationships? I would never go up to Ms. Single Beauty and say “Hey baby, nice butt, can I bang ya?” That is beyond stupid and immature. So how do you “flirt” with a new person without going overboard and without seeming like you are not interested enough??
Flirting is something I have a long way to go to master. What flirting I do-do, never gets me anywhere. “Hello” and a friendly smile don’t seem to get any results. handshakes don’t do it. What does? I do not try “too hard” if I can help it. It’s really hard to determine what is “just right” though. Why does it have to be so confusing? …sigh…
MagicalSilverKey
I would recommend checking out the flirting tutorial thread right here in MPSIMS. It’s mostly good fun, but also contains some good gems for flirting hints.
If you’re willing to share, what age group are you currently in?
You turn a pretty good phrase, and there are a good number of women out there that like a man with a good vocabulary.
The hard part if finding them.
-Doug
Because if it were simple, straighforward, and clear, nobody would ever get anything else done. Ninety percent of all first-sex-with-new-person is taken up by “the chase”, including the “surrender”. This works for gay or straight, although in the gay male version the chase tends not to be quite as prolonged. On average.
YES!!! Watch a woman one on one with an ATTRACTIVE gay guy. She becomes Marilyn Monroe, Ava Gardner and Jean Harlow all rolled together. Talk about seductive. However, she also knows that she’s SAFE. It’s very strange.
I thought that was more a “You call that old-school camp? This is old school camp.” competitive nellitude thing.
Thanks, dublos, for the point to my thread. That really is what I had in mind when I started it.
MagicalSilverKey - You’re right. The whole “game” of flirting… the chase, the tete-a-tete, the seduction… can be a very thin tightrope to walk. I’m a fairly good flirt online… where I can think about my reactions before I make them. RL is another story. I’m much shyer there. So I know the tightrope. But a few pointers (and if you want more, head over to the Flirting Workshop to avoid hijacking your thread into a flirt discussion thread) First, like any skill, you need to practice. Practice with those you know and feel comfortable with. I will often make flirt with some of the guys that I work with. It has a couple advantages. 1) I’m at ease with them because I know them. 2) They know that I’m dating someone, so they know I’m not serious. 3) Hi Opal! 4) Usually, they are also dating/engaged/married, so I don’t have to worry about them becoming fixated on me. It’s a great way to start practicing, without the pressure of “Isthisgoingtoworkwillshelikemeohmygodwhatifshedoesn’tflirtback?!” It’s a fun way to start.
Now, for your OP, I’ve got to agree with the other ladies here… Crudeness and crassness are big turn-offs. To me, especially if it’s a guy that I don’t know, he’s making an awful lot of assumptions that he has no right to be making. A guy that turns a subtle phrase, compliments me, or speaks to my mind before he speaks to my body is far more likely to see me a second time than a guy that tells me where he wants me and how from the moment he speaks.
And it’s not so much a guy that doesn’t talk about sex, for me. I’ve had some very frank discussions with guys that I’ve later dated. It’s more how you say it and what you say than the talking about it at all. And, as far as in a relationship, or on it’s way to one… you have to just try to read the signs. I’m, personally, one that likes to talk openly with my partner about sex. It doesn’t dominate our conversation, that gets tedious. But being able to be open about it on the phone, in e-mail or face to face makes it a lot easier when you do finally consumate. (Or when you get together again) And, I’ve found, that when you’re, say, 1200 miles from the person you’re dating (;)) the talk sometimes helps relieve a little mental stress and mental tension concerning the relationship.
“You’re black, kettle,” said the pot.
::D&R::
God… DAMN! Fucker, fucker, fucker…
::D&R::
Grumble, grumble, bastard…
Chief used a smiley! Chief used a smiley!
new sig material?
TruePisces - The woman who so distracted ChiefScott he used a smiley…
:eek:
I was there… I saw it!
(smiley intended!)
Regarding the OP, I’m gonna chime in here to point out the obvious: some women like sexual talk, some don’t! Some like it in the right situation, but not at other times… human variety!
Approach sexual talk with women carefully, and if you sense that she’s NOT thrilled with talking about it (she WILL let you know, if you’re listening!), then talk about something else (or risk being an asshole, and possible sexual harrassment charges!).
Over the course of an extended platonic relationship with someone, the topic of sex is almost certainly going to come up at some point or another, and if you (a guy) squemishly avoid it, she probably WILL think you are strange… maybe gay, maybe not, but still strange! Be tasteful until a woman lets you know that she doesn’t care… and you’ll be OK…
Some of the most interesting sex-chats I have had were with a woman who was a co-worker… she broached the subject first… and we had many a long and explicit talk about various sexual topics (most instructional for me!).
But, let me stress, SHE broached the subject first!