The women and children shelter just received a whole babies room of stuff from a couple today that had a stillborn child. It’s always so sad. I need to stay out of depressing threads.
I worked with a woman whose baby had died a few months before I met her. This was in the UK, so similar maternity leave arrangements - she was entitled to continue her maternity leave, and she used that to phase in a gradual return to work. I think initially she was too devastated to contemplate working, but was able to later on. However, she found dealing with stressful situations quite hard - I think the extra emotional effort on top of what it took her to function was hard.
The thing she seemed to the hardest was explaining that her baby had died, so if you can I would make sure everyone who works with or contacts her is aware of the situation. It may feel a bit like gossiping or intruding, but it’s better than her having to repeat it over and over. People who know she has been on maternity leave are likely to congratulate her, which leads to a horrible conversation for both sides.
My colleague also seemed to like to talk about her baby and what she had been like. I think many people shy away from these conversations thinking they are sad or distressing, but I’ve read that actually it can make bereaved parents feel like others don’t think their child existed. If your colleague brings up her baby and seems to feel comfortable, you could maybe ask questions to encourage her to talk more. Even if she doesn’t start the conversation you may be able to gently bring the subject up and see how it goes.
Further into the future, she may well need to take time off for difficult anniversarys so it might be helpful for you to proactively suggest taking time off if that seems appropriate.
Thank you for mentioning this. I hadn’t thought about it, but it is important. We lost one to miscarriage after we had told pretty much everyone we knew, including the bowling league. Then we didn’t see them through the summer. Coming back in the fall meant talking about it several times, as people asked when the baby was due. Difficult and saddening all over again. If people know ahead of time, she won’t have to keep explaining.