Last night I was thrown into a most awkward situation involving two of my really good friends and me.
Some background info:
One of my best friends for the past three years has been an older, Christian guy. I am a younger, Jewish girl. We both know that the other is absolutely not willing to get involved with someone of a different religion (for many reasons that I will not go into here, because it’s not the point of the post). Now, as happens often in male/female friendships, each of us started to have feelings for the other a while back, without either of us verbalizing anything. But because I knew nothing would ever come of it, and because I really wanted to stay his friend, it became a non-issue to me. I understood that there were feelings behind our relationship, and I understood that if either of us were to begin a relationship with someone else, ours would naturally change, but I truly didn’t think it had to be a big deal.
Well, about a year ago another Christian friend of mine moved to Israel. She’s a great person and a wonderful friend, and I immediately thought to myself that she (let’s call her Q) and my other friend (let’s call him Z - I like random letters…) would be great together. I didn’t tell either of them flat out, but I definitely got my hints across. They soon started hanging out regularly.
Now:
Three nights ago, Z calls me up and says that, basically, he and Q may be seeing each other. I jumped out of my skin in happiness, partly because I really think they’d be good for each other, and partly because them getting together would clear up our sticky situation nicely.
Last night, I went to meet Z, thinking I was going to hear all about how he and Q got together. Much to my surprise and distress, he actually came to be brutally honest with me about all his feelings. Apparently, he had confessed to Q months ago that he had strong feelings for me and that although he knew nothing would come of it, he wasn’t going to deny them any longer. All the while, he also started developing an attraction for Q, but considered it impossible because he was in love with me. Last week, Q decides to be extraordinarily honest with Z, first asking how the situation with me was going, and then confessing that she has feelings for him. He then tells her that the feeling is mutual, though he still is “in love” with me. And so what does she tell him? That he must be honest with me once and for all. And, of course, I was forced into telling him how I felt, too.
I got bombarded with something that I never thought would have to be dealt with, but rather could work itself out naturally. I understand that honesty is just marvelous and all, but each of the three of us already intuitively knew how everyone felt (I am not just guessing here, we discussed it at length last night), so why did anything have to be said? Now I have essentially lost my best friend, because our relationship will not only never be the same, but we cannot even try to be normal with each other again. And I also have lost my other good friend, because as Z mentioned last night, she knows that, all cultural differences aside, if it came down to choosing between me and her, he would choose me.
I never wanted to be in this twisted love triangle (hmmm… what would a twisted triangle look like?), yet now I’m the one who comes out at the bottom of all this.
I am supposed to see Q tomorrow, and now it seems that we’re going to have yet another brutally honest conversation.
Advice? Comments? A “WTF?” answer would also suffice…
