FYI - I am mostly straight myself. in fact, you pretty much described me except I am domestically skilled in many things but not cooking.
FYI - I am allergic to cats but I successfully lived with 2 for many years after hypnosis.
I figured, an allergy is my body screwing up: hypnosis should help that. and, for awhile, it did.
You can’t be that fat if you ride. My niece adores horses so I guess I’ll be learning to ride soon. Good thing I like them.
That’s all good.
Good thing I’m 6’4" in the morning.
It’s so much easier to look someone in the eyes when you don’t have a crick in your neck. 
Oh, there’s now a direct flight between Aberdeen and Dublin.
So, how you doin’?
I’m 29, male, a sad, lonely alcholic with an extra toe and itchy pants. It also burns when I pee. My home is a slovenly mess. It looks like a pig exploded in my living room. I’m also fat and homely looking.
My favorite hobbies include stockpiling weapons and army surplus rations, dodging tax collectors, and writing angry, confusing letters to the gummint and the korean controlled media that is trying to brainwash us into becoming pinko commies.
My goal is to have the largest, heaviest, and most cirrhotic liver in the world.
My ideal mate must have breasts 1/4 of her entire body weight, has an income sufficient to keep me in the lifestyle to which I am accustomed, and who’s life’s ambition is to perform oral sex and clean house. Ability to cook me dinner every night a plus.
I’m doin’ fine baby, how you doin’ 
(and I’m not in Dublin!)
Well played.
Much better now!
No, but that’s where the flights go and there’s an intercity train every hour from Dublin to your home town.
Or one could travel KLM, but the layover situation is rather iffy.
I put that up on an actual proper datiing site, just to see what would happen 
And?!?!?!
Grand out altogether!
ah roight, I’ll put up the spare bed, so. What time will ye be here?
Don’t Ryanair do flights to Cork from the UK?
Quite.
You’ll have to curtail your passion for the moment: my shift starts early on Saturday morning.
They do, but Aberdeen to Dublin by plane then train to Cork is actually quicker. Not to mention more congenial. Plus it’s Aer Lingus rather than Easyjet and Ryanair.
Funnily enough, no takers.
Check your email.
I’m still betting on at least a 50/50 chance for a response. It is sad that my cynicism has progressed to the point that I can even see it as a possibility, but that is the state of the world in which we live.
Congenial?! I’ll have you know they cleaned those trains last week!!
Duuuude, that looks infected…