I had to make a profile for one to be able to see other profiles when I was shopping for men for my friend, and I filled out my sex and hometown, had no pics up and wrote “I like hamburgers, I like tacos, tacos, tacos, tacos for me!” or some inane crap, and I have gotten tons of responses. “Lol, ur funny where do you live” is usually what they say. So basically, a bunch of dumbasses ruin it for the good guys. Don’t take it personally.
Agree with multiple pics, and don’t put “I like long walks on the beach” in an ironic way, I saw way too much of that. Just keep on trying, and good luck!
By the way, a lot of people I know have found good people on craigslist if you look past the spammers and stuff.
I haven’t done the online thing for over a year, but I got some good advice and learned some things on my own. My results were never great, but they improved a lot when
Your picture has to be killer. Something taken as an afterthought won’t cut it. Lean forward, smile, put a shirt on, take your hat off. Take dozens of pictures and post some to hotornot. The one that gets the highest rating is the one you use.
Your profile title has to be interesting and provocative.
The title of your email to her must catch her eye. “Hi” is as boring as all of the other dumb emails she gets.
What I’ve heard is that a woman will usually spend no more than 2 seconds looking at each email, and if those three things aren’t stand-out amazing, she’ll just delete it.
Of course, the content of both your email and profile have to be interesting. Don’t make either a novel, never say anything self-deprecating, and avoid “candlelight dinners and long walks on the beach.”
I sent one that I was especially proud of. In her profile, she called herself a goofball. The title to my email was “Hey Goofball.” In the content I compared her to a superhero and told her that if she wanted to be my trusty sidekick, she’d need to have a kick-ass costume.
I have to admit, I find these online dating threads to be fascinating and I have no idea why. I’ve never tried online dating, and it seems like it’s more complicated than meeting people “the normal” way.
Part of me would like to make a profile to see what it’s all about, but that would be really dishonest since I’m not actually looking to go out with anyone.
A friend and I have been thinking of trying “Speed Dating” for the same reason, simple curiosity.
Good luck Nonsuch, I hope you start getting some decent responses. Positive ones!
Thanks for the added perspective and well-wishes. I did actually take the time to revise my initial, rough-draft profile into something more detailed and interesting. I did make the mistake of writing a generic, “Hi, I think you’re cool” note to my first likely, and wasn’t too surprised that that didn’t go anywhere. But a subsequent one I really put a lot into (while still keeping it short – no one wants a long email) and was disappointed that that didn’t merit a reply. (Plus this particular gal had looked at my profile nearly half a dozen times, so she must have found something interesting.) Ah well, gotta keep trying …
Forgive the slight hijack, but I spent a fair part of 2007 and 2008 pseudosingle. In order to get out of the apartment I started looking for things in my area to do on meetup.com. Met a lot of people that way; a lot of single people, in particular divorcees who felt awkward trying to get back out and socialize on their own. Might be worth looking into.
We’ve been thinking it isn’t really honest to go since neither of us actually wants a date. We just want to go and see what it’s like as a social thing. Part of me thinks it’s rude to waste people’s time like that, but then part of me thinks it’s only a few minutes of their time and nobody is promised an actual date out of the situation.
The same debate keeps me from putting up an online personal for curiosity sake.
I agree, it wouldn’t be very ethical to go if you have no intentions of meeting someone. You not only waste people’s time, but remember that people pay for those things, so you’d be wasting their money as well. I’d be pretty pissed if I knew someone was doing that. (But I’m sure that it happens.)
Most of them take place in bars and restaurants that are open to the public, so you could go to one just to observe it. Just don’t sign up for it.
From that chick with the spanking? Can you PM me her number?
Rule #1: Some guys will tell you that it’s a numbers game. I suppose that’s true in a sense, but there’s really something off-putting about 29-year-old women who write like 13-year-old girls. So be selective about who you send messages to - it’s a lot harder to come up with an interesting opener for a woman whose profile consists of stuff like “lol ima laid-back gril who loves football lol just lookin” than for one who actually reveals something interesting an unique in her profile. So rather than shotgunning a bazillion messages out to random women in the aether, pick a handful that you find truly interesting and put some actual thought into your messages.
Rule #2: Never, ever, message a potentially fantastic woman when you’re drunk and lonely.
Rule #3: Pounce on the fresh meat. Every couple of days, check for new users who meet your criteria, and send them a message pronto, before the stampede of douchebags and idiots makes her completely jaded.
Rule #4: Once you have a few dates under your belt, start gunning for more action in real life.
I’ve been at it for about ten months. With about thirty cold calls, I’ve been on maybe ten first dates, seven of which were productive in one way or another. I’ve been the recipient of a grand total of five unsolicited messages, one of which worked out for a bit, one of which lived a bit too far away, two of which I wasn’t attracted to, and one was a little too young, but oh, so tempting.
I thought that online dating would be a way of upping the number of potential contacts I would meet, but over around four years, I had a total of 12 dates, and nothing clicked. I haven’t been involved in it for a couple of years now. If I were to date again, I’d try the different route of getting involved in activities.
If you actually met someone you clicked with, would you pursue it? Maybe you (and/or your friend) just need to present it that way so you don’t feel bad if nothing good comes of it, or to distance yourself from people who are ‘really’ doing it. Because unless you’re both in relationships, anything’s possible…
You’re right. The more I think about it, it’s just one evening of 8ish minute conversations with several guys. If someone gets mad because we’re taking up 8 minutes of his evening, he’s taking this a bit too seriously.
Off to look for sessions in our area and age range…
