It sounds like you are lucky to be rid of him. He had an affair with someone, lied to her about getting divorced, got her pregnant, and told her whatever she wanted to hear so she would get an abortion. Now he won a Harley and is giving it to some woman he never met? And he wonders why you don’t trust him?
Divorce him and don’t look back. Don’t sign anything until a lawyer looks at it. Don’t make any major decisions until you’ve calmed down.
I should obviously clear up the Harley thing. This girl Jennifer has been around before - she’s part of the ‘group’ - and I had told him in the past that I was uncomfortable with the level of familiarity between them. And he isn’t giving her the Harley. He was joking about giving her the Vulcan - the one in my name. I don’t know if I’m explaining this right, but basically it was a “yeah, if I win I’ll give you the Vulcan” kind of joking thing. But it flew all over me because (1) he was joking about it with the one girl I had told him in the past that I didn’t care for him to hang around with (2) joking with her on a night he had lied about seeing her and (3) telling another woman that you are going to give her your wife’s bike is something that just isn’t done. And I heard it from other people at a party Saturday night. It’s a weird thing to some that haven’t been around a lot of bikers I guess, but I know for certain he would never make that joke about another of his buddy’s bikes. Guess since I’m not a real biker, just married to one, that I don’t count. And that hurts.
So, not that it makes it any less painful, but there it is. And the Vulcan isn’t going anywhere. That will be over my dead body.
Well, going home now to be happy mommy. I think tonight we’re going to have what I call “Britney Spears” dinners - where it’s something out of a can - and probably let them watch too much TV tonight. Man, this pain in my chest and stomach seems to rise up. I feel it in my ears.
I guess eventually I have to call my parents.
No, I won’t sign anything until I calm down - learned that lesson the last time. Since he’s a truckdriver he’ll be back on the road by Wednesday so I’ll be in charge of all the lawyering anyway. It just pisses me off to no end that he’s around his friends with support and I imagine them telling him that he’s better off while I am going home to take care of the kids and pull it together and be Ms. Stoic Tough Girl, which I definitely do not feel like right now. I have a book to read. I’ll focus on that tonight and maybe another and another until I look up and realize enough time has gone by that it doesn’t hurt as much anymore. Nothing like a little Palaniuk to get your head out of reality.
People who love you don’t cheat on you. Nor do they blame anyone else for their own failings. He cheated on you and knew that he was risking his marriage, and his family, when he did it. And if he was really sorry he’d be bending over backwards to earn back your trust, not staying out til all hours and acting like you’re being unreasonable for wanting to know where he was. If my dog bit me, I’d be very cautious about putting my hand out again. That doesn’t make me insecure, that makes me smart.
If your friends made it a point of telling you that your husband said he was going to give Jennifer the bike, they are telling you that for a reason. If it was perfectly innocuous, they wouldn’t have told you given your justifiable insecurity. Dollars to doughnuts something is going on between the two of them, which is why he decided to leave now. Now he can leave and feel justified in claiming that it was really YOUR fault that he has to leave. That’s just baloney.
I’m so sorry for your pain and hope that you continue to heal from the wounds this man has caused you and your children. Good luck to you.
I am so sorry you’re going through this, Shellibean. You deserve much, much better.
He blew it. On some level, he probably knows that, but since he can’t face it, he’s going to act like an immature dick. Sounds like he’s got that part down.
Is there anything we can do to help?
I think PunditLisa is right. It sounds like he is hooking up with Jennifer. Are the kids his as well, or are they from a previous relationship? Is he moving out?
At this point, you need to take care of yourself and your kids. My condolences on what has to be a shitty situation.
The jerk cheated on you and got another woman pregnant. You should have left him back in April. He will never be trustworthy again and you need to have him out of your life.
I am really sorry that you are going through all this pain because of a selfish, cheating liar.
p.s. I agree that it sounds like he is hooking up with Jennifer, or perhaps going pack to the pregnant woman.
The score is NOT 0-0. You have two great kids (it is two, right?), so you win.
Sorry honey, it hurts but it won’t last forever.
There’s no rock anywhere that has chisled onto it “You only get two husbands”.
There’s no scorecard.
No one can protect you from a good liar.
He is not okay.
Forgive yourself for loving him.
Let it hurt sometimes.
Don’t think about it sometimes.
Love your kids and love their mom.
We love you.
Are these kids his? If so, he has some nerve telling YOU to buck up and stop crying etc.
Sorry, but I’m indignant and angry on your behalf. I also feel terrible for you. From your posts, it seems like you feel you’ve failed. But YOU haven’t. You didn’t sleep around, YOU didn’t get involved with someone else. You were still keeping the faith in your marriage.
It sounds to me like he doesn’t want to deal with all this baggage of his, so he’s heading out. He can run, but he can’t hide. Someday, all this will bite him, hard. I know you might alternate between wanting that to happen and not wishing that on anyone, but it’s got nothing to do with you. He is not willing to stick around and do the work of healing. I’m so sorry.
Divorce is especially hard to deal with when you have kids, I know, but the one bright side to that situation is that you absolutely have to pull it together for them. On the surface, if no where else. I found that that gave me a foothold in actually pulling myself together. You just fake it through the hard spots, and eventually it eases.
And I’m sorry, Shelli.
Sorry to hear that things ended up like this for you. I think you were completely justified for wanting to know what was going on and he was wrong to act that way after having violated your trust so badly. Still, I’m sure this hurts a lot, even though you know he’s not good for you. 
I hope htat your kids can provide some distraction while you move on from this. All the best to you in moving forward.
I love this - it’s a perfect description of what I’ve been through that last few years.
Come sit with me, ShelliBean. I’m in the middle of my second divorce, too. It sucks. I spent nearly two years putting up with him having a ‘friend.’ I believed him at first, since she was nearly 12 years older than him. I spent way too much time blaming myself and trying to fix what was unfixable. Little things started falling into place, and I realized our relationship was way past fixing.
Once I finally kicked him out, I felt like a weight had been lifted. I’m in a much better place now.
It’s hard, but you’ll get through it. Just take things one day at a time.
Email me if you want to talk more or just vent.
I’m so sorry. Hang in there. Just take it one day at a time, that’s all you can do.
I read the linked thread. That guy is scum, and even if it doesn’t feel like it right now, you’re better off without him.
It takes a selfish prick with a whole lot of gall to say something like that a few short months after willfully taking a sledgehammer to said trust.
Hey everyone, I’m back at work (but obviously not working). Thanks for all the kind words. Sometimes I think I need people telling me he is a selfish prick because otherwise he’s pretty good at talking you into believing whatever he needs you to believe. You know - Hannibal Lecter talking Rigsby (maybe?) into swallowing his own tounge. I’m pretty sure he could do that to me. He’s the ultimate smooth talking bad boy. There’s so much more I could go into but everything I say seems to turn him into the devil and me into the long-suffering victim. I don’t want that. There are parts to him that are not bad. Like I said, he is the guy you hear about that could talk a nun out of her panties. But for a long time there, I was in on it and it was like we were the only two people in the world that were. He could make me ride 100 mph down the interstate on the back of a bike with my hair on fire juggling chainsaws and not worry about the consequences because it was living. And for some reason, he never failed - which made the safe, mommy, 401k, paperwork person in me excited beyond belief.
To answer a question - the 2 year old is his (3 in 3 weeks!). I wrote a thread once about my post-vasectomy baby - this is he. The 6 year old is not his, but we’ve been together since he turned 2 so in many instances, nurture trumps nature here.
This sucks. Usually when I’m this upset I could call him and he would make the world stand still until I felt better.
I just want to quit crying. Hell, maybe I will make a list of all the things how he “done me wrong” and look at it every time I feel bad. Probably won’t post it, though, because more and more it’s making me look pretty stupid for staying! I guess, in some sick way, that makes me feel better.
I am quoting this because this is exactly what I wanted to say.
Shelli, be strong. We’re here when you want to talk…you’ll be in my thoughts.
Look forwards, and welcome to the club.
The first time it happened to me, I called myself single. This time, I call myself a bachelor. The difference is subtle (as subtle as “Not looking, so fuck off!” can be). It is so much better. 
I’ll be a grumpy old man before I know it, and that’ll be cool too.
I know the type, all too well.
Please don’t think of yourself as stupid for staying. I’ve spent a lot of time beating myself up, calling myself stupid for staying, and it just doesn’t do any good. It’s horribly self-destructive. You’re better off without him. I know that sounds harsh at this point, but no one deserves a guy like that.
This.
Shelli, you deserve better.