ShelliBean, I just got caught up on this thread and wanted to say that I hope you’re doing well. Bad boys are great for short-term flings. I had a few in my day and I can’t say I regret a one. But they aren’t long term prospects. I hope that after you give yourself some time to work through the grief and pain that you’ll get some counseling to understand why seem to be attracted to men who aren’t worthy of you. There ARE decent men out there who have 401ks, integrity, and good, steady jobs who wouldn’t dream of cheating. I hope you find one someday and hope that you’ll give them a chance even though they don’t make you feel “alive” like this guy did.
Thanks! Yes, this is one relationship that started with a bang and never quit banging. It was my mistake to believe for one second he’d ever really feel settled. I’m still hurt and I still cry at night sometimes but I can’t change the facts so I have no choice to chalk this on up to what I told him - legendary lovers, legendary fighters. It’s a relationship that can only exist in a vacuum because any outside pressure and we crumble. Inside that relationship felt soooo good.
But I’ll live. I’m holding out on telling the boys until I can talk calmly and rationally about it. Since he’s always on the road it was nothing new for daddy to get back in the truck and take off for 3 weeks, and he still calls and talks to them at night and the next time he comes home we’ll make time for him to spend time with them. By then I’ll be able to not cry in front of the kids and it won’t be so scary to them. I’d rather be able to say “Daddy is going to live here and I am going to live here and we are going to X, Y, and Z” instead of “Daddy’s gone and we don’t know where the hell we are going.”
I really sincerely appreciate everyones well wishes and I’m sorry I haven’t responded to each personally. Believe it or not, it really helped! I almost didn’t post it, but now I am glad I did.