I have come to the conclusion that I am a thread murderer. Yes, that is right, I murder threads. You see, I know that as soon as I post on a thread its fate is sealed and yet I still will post on given thread. I guess that makes it pre meditated murder. On 99.9% of the threads that I post on I will post a "witty"post or my opinion and the thread dies a very fast death. Sometimes there will be a few posters who are replying to earlier posts but almost never to mine. You will typically see any thread that I have replied to quickly drop to the bottom of the page and disappear into the SDMB Abyss. Most times you will still see my name listed as the last poster.
In every doper’s life, there is a period when (s)he is afraid of being a threadkiller; dopologists refer to this as the Hypochondrical Threadkilling Syndrome. HTS is a widespread problem - actually, few dopers never undergo it -, but thankfully only a temporary one. Its only known remedy is to actively post interesting contributions to threads in every part of the SDMB, which can cure almost every instance of HTS; even hard cases could be cured quickly after re-assuring the infected person of not giving up Board activity but rather intensify it.
I seem to have killed quite a few in my day, too. I like to hope that my post is so obviously wise and complete that there is no point in anyone else posting anything further. I suspect that instead I am adding a superfluous post to a thread where everything worth saying on the subject has already been posted by the previous posters.
They thought they were killers, those Dopers with interesting, engaging names like ** Lil “the Spider” Lurker, Fibonacci “He’s got your number”, and Reeder “the Feeder”.** But they weren’t killers. They weren’t even schoolyard bullies. They were just ordinary citizens who went about their lives, raising families, holding stable jobs, having relationships, taking classes.
Heh, not a one of knows what being a serial thread killer is really like. Not even “Dire” Dwyr, Lola “two guns” Baby, “Ba-da-BOOM” Bumbazine, Doubting “you’ll live 'till morning” Robert, Silent Tiny Viper, “Shootin” Schnitte, Juanita “the Pita” Tech, Billy Boy Baroo, and last, but certainly not least, **Phlip "the-Coin-heads-I-shoot-Tails-I-shoot, **Otherwise known as “the Nickel” for short.
Nah, being a thread killer was like nothing they could imagine, it wasn’t like being a shark, or a wolf, or even a two-bit crackhead with a shiv in an alley. Bein a thread killer was like being a faint whiff of fart at a nice party. Somethin no one really wanted to notice, but moved away from anyway. It was like being a zit close to your hairline that you combed over and ignored till it went away.
Me? I know what being a thread killer is like. I have to. It’s my job to know, see? I catch thread killers, and I put 'em away. The name’s Yon “the Don” Dan, private eye. [sub]I used to be a private dick, but then I lost my Dick license[/sub]
