My mother is a danger to herself and others around her.
In the last two years she has told us that she has lung, pancreatic, bone, liver, and colon cancer. (and a few others I don’t recall.)
I know she has emphasema because that is the only doctors appointment she has allowed me to attend otherwise she has her records on a tight lockdown and she changes doctors as they disagree with her or won’t prescibe her pain killers.
She is always calling us with new illnesses that usually coincide with something someone in her life has.
My sister and I both had hysterectomys withing the past two year and so our mother felt she needed one as well. The problem is that she had one when I was 12.
My uncle has colon cancer and the day he was in for surgery she was in having a colonoscopy. Her friend died of pancreatic cancer…see the trend?
Well, the Thursday before christmas she called the ambulance because she “inhaled” bleach and couldn’t breathe. According to her they had to fumigate the house it was that bad.
My sister and I went to the hospital to see what was going on just as the ER doctor was seeing her to tell her that there were no traces of pnemonia and they saw no reason to keep her unless she found it neccesary. Of course she did.
She is still in the hospital.
Everyday she finds something new to complain about. Our mother has just enough medical background to be a danger to herself. She can give the staff signs and symptoms that lead them to believe she has serious issues.
She called me on Christmas Night to tell me that they started a morphine drip. I couldn’t imagine why, so I once again took my ass to the hospital to find out what was going on. She made it sound like this was finally they end.
Her nurse told me the morphine was for her migraines, that my mother insists that all the different meds the nuerologist gaver her weren’t helping so this is what he did.
Now, on to the meds.
Our mother has a prescription pill dependency. If it will make you drousy and forget your life, she will take it. Hers, yours, or theirs, it doesn’t matter.
She was doing hospice care for a few years and my siblings and I feel that she was taking those peoples meds. But, cannot prove anything.
I was told that when they observe her over the next few days they will do a tox report to see what she has in her system and if it matches with what she was prescribed.
I went over to her house to check on her animals and she had hit her house with he car. She is not taking care of her bird which was her pride and joy, and her fridge is empty.
She had been like this (with the illness) all my life, but things got much worse three years ago when her girlfriend moved out after 15 years because she couldn’t deal with it anymore.
My mother became obsessed. Her “illnesses” got worse, and the first person she wanted was the ex. She pays no attention to her children or grandchildren because she feels that she has nothing left to live for without the ex.
Sorry this is so long, I needed to get this out a bit.
For those of you wondering why we didn’t do anything earlier it’s because of my grandmother who is my mothers enabler. I really feel this will kill her. My Aunt and Uncle called me on Christmas and told me what is to be will be and they fully support and understand.
Doing the right thing is never easy. It’s going to hurt, but in the end, it will hopefully start alot of healing in the family and stop her behavior from ruining your life and her own mother’s life.
she must be incredibly sad and off to do such things.
Maybe Grandma should go to therapy to help her as well.
Good luck!
Wow Kricket! It sounds to me like you’re doing the right thing. I know it’s hard but from what I read your mother doesn’t sound like she can responsibly take care of herself. It’s tough when the child has to become the parent’s protector. Hang in there and know that prayers, thoughts and good vibes are heading your way from south GA.
My mother had to be committed a few times during my childhood and adolescence – on only one occasion did I have to do it solo. (On another occasion I made my sister and brother come down from Philly to DC to provide a united front.) She was a bipolar alcoholic.
Hang in there.
And treat yourself really, really gently – you’re doing the right thing, and you’re doing this because you love her, not because you don’t.
My email address is in my profile if you need to talk.
It’s kind of hard to look at this as Mundane and Pointless. I my ehart goes out for you, it’s got to be hard doing something so well life changing, but considering what you’ve written (and I can’t even imagine the things you’ve probably left out) it sound like the right thing to do. That drug screen is definately a good idea.
My grandmothers doctor tried to help her but she won’t take the help. Grandma is under alot of stress already, she lost my grandfather just a year ago. That is also when my mother got worse. No father there to put an end to it.
My uncle feels that we have all made my mother the underdog in grandmas eyes and now she feels compelled to help her since we are all against her.
I also didn’t mention that my grandmother pays all of our mothers bills while when my mother did have a job, she spent all her own money on herself.
Update!
Grandma just called and they moved my mother to the psyc floor last night!
Twickster, I am sorry you grew up like that. I think if someone would have acted sooner instead of enabling our mother we would have been in the same boat.
{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}
Oh! That’s a relief! Hopefully she’ll get the care she needs.
You guys are so not alone, my Mom went through a 10-year period of suicide attempts and hospitalizations. My sister and I had the good fortune of not being too involved with her life at that time - I’m so sorry that you’re in a position of needing to take some responsibility for your Mother! How awful! {{{{kricket and twickster}}}} Is somebody on the hospital staff helping you deal with this?
In the case of my Mom, she has gotten a whole lot better. It took years & years. But at one time I wouldn’t have believed any change was possible. Perhaps there’s some hope for your Mom.
Yikes – I wasn’t trying to hijack things into a pity party pour moi – I just wanted Kricket to know that when I said, “I know what you’re going through,” well, I know what you’re going through.
Sounds like the psych ward is where she belongs – they tend to have pretty good BS detectors up there, so hopefully they’ll be able to help y’all get a clearer picture of what’s going on.
Kricket, my thoughts are with you. I truly hope your mom gets the help she needs. My concern is once she’s “better,” she’ll feel she won’t need the medication anymore and will go back to feeling bad.
Kricket I’m glad your mom is in a place to get the help she needs. Like Twicks said, they’ve got pretty good bsometers on the psych ward. Please keep us informed. Above all else, take care of yourself too, ok?
I’ve been through a lot of this as well. My father was a neurosurgeon, and my mother was his receptionist when he opened his first practice, so my mother really believes she knows everything there is to know about medicine/health.
Unfortunately, my mother suffers from bipolar disorder, which she apparently inherited from her father, who died of suicide when my mother was only 12 or 13 years old. My grandmother/her mother was an extremely rational and healthy person who didn’t believe in depression or psychosomatic illnesses, so she was no help at all when my mother went into deep depression and alcoholism. This led to a divorce from my father (who claimed that he could no longer live with her because she was “crazy”), and the divorce made her sink even farther into depression and alcoholism.
Right after my grandmother died of pancreatic cancer about 15 years ago, my mother announced to all of her children that she had developed advanced melanoma, and that her life expectancy was measured in weeks, if not days. However, none of us could get any kind of confirmation of this diagnosis from any of her doctors. My stepmother (who worked in my father’s office) even tried to confirm the story by requesting information in another’s doctor’s name, with no luck.
The melanoma turned out to be a complete scam. My mother has been committed to psychiatric hospitals at least five times that I know of, either for attempted suicide or for severe alcohol poisoning. She is now on Prozac “for life” (as she terms it), and she knows full well that if she ever stops taking an anti-depressant, life as she now knows will end.
** {{{{Kricket}}}} ** I am so sorry you are having to deal with this.
Is it possible that your Mom is trying to medicate some emotional wound with the pain killers ? It’s not that unusual. I hope things turn out ok for all of you.
You know I just didn’t think I could get much worse than it was when we were children, but boy was I wrong. I could never have imagined.
I always joked with my friend that my sibs and I were lucky Munchousens syndrom wasn’t more popular when we were children. (I know, not funny)
Now can any of you explain to me how this all works?
Does she have no outside contact right now? She had one of the nurses call my grandmother yesterday morning to tell her that she had been moved. I’m not so happy with that for the fact that this nurse is also her neighbor and is on her side. Is there anything I can do to make sure this lady isn’t her care taker? Could this lady get in trouble for this?
I was dreading a screaming phone call but it never came…that is why I wonder about her not being able to contact the “outside”.
We have a meeting or hearing at the hospital on Monday and they will tell us their findings then I guess, but I have no idea what can happen.
Can they commit her for longer for treatment, or do they just say “yeah, she’s nuts, you have more work to do”?
I really hope you guys are right about the BSometers up there. But now I wonder about this inside woman working against us.
Also once she is in will I get power of attorney so I can get her bills deferred and get things taken care of for her in her name?
Thanks for all the support guys. I feel like I am going insane myself.
Who’s in charge of her medical care right now? As for the “no contact” thing, I’d call up the Pysche Ward and ask them their policy. If she’s on a “pysche hold” for evaluation, I think they would have consulted with you or another family member to make decisions on her behalf.
What a horrible bunch of crap!
Basically my mother got away with all of the shit she is pulling.
She got a court appointed attorney who came in all sure of himself and ready to chew me and the sibs alive.
I am not sure what kind of song and dance she gave them all.
And, they had this all taken care of on Friday so today was just for formalitys.
They didn’t even touch her mental health issues, but got her on substance abuse and ordered her to attend drug treatment on an outpatient basis.
I guess the good thing is that if she has a dirty UA, or misses one meeting she will be yanked back in.
What my siblings and I had to say today didn’t matter, they brushed us off.
So, I guess we wait until she messes up, or until her time is up and then we will hire a lawyer of our own to help us so we won’t get pushed around and get some help for her.
She has told my grandmother that she disowned us all and never wants to see us or hear of us again. We are dead to her.
We kind of knew that was comming, but it stings all the same.
I wish I knew how to go about these things better. Should I call an attorney? Should I wait it out?
I know that she will try to convice my grandmother that there is nothing wrong with her “otherwise why didn’t they keep her?”
I also found out why my mother lost her job. She was late alot, or didn’t show up at all, or when she did she wasn’t caring for her patients properly and she had been warned many times about discussing her own personal issues and “illnesses” with her dying patients and their families.
We tried to ask the review board today why they couldn’t see these things and why she gotten away with things that are actually considered crimes, and I guess they either bought her crap, were blind, or were just looking at which avenue would cost the least money and get her off their backs.
Is this getting to the point where you just have to give up? It would be great if you could help her. But if you can’t, you can’t. It sounds like she’s well enough to mask her behaviors. What’s the cost to you of just letting go?
I say this as someone who has dealt with similar problems. Not only my Mom, but also my MIL. You can’t stop someone else from being crazy.
As much as I can, I do support you. That being said, I must also say that I am appalled by the use of “nuts” and “crazy” when describing an obviously ill person.
Also, looking at the use of Prozac or other legal anti-depressants as negative bothers me. I have been diagnosed with Bipolar type 2, and I do take a lot of medication in order to allow me to function. I work 2 jobs and manage to pay my bills and keep my house in order. It was not always like that - there was a period of inability to work, mixed with some hospital time. I would never want anyone, including my family members, to stay with me if they felt I was a burden. If you can’t feel any compassion for her, then it might be best to sever all ties. And before you suggest I am only seeing one side of the story, I grew up with a mentally ill parent and the other parent was abusing alcohol and medications. So I know where you are at, in that respect. If you decide to stay involved, I suggest educating yourself about mental illness in general and even getting some therapy for yourself.
Best of luck to you and all your family members. I hope your mom can find her peaceful path.