I am in Delaware.

We have got some problems here. This is in all seriousness too. New England is an exclusively defined area within the U.S. that consists of 6 states:

  1. Connecticut
  2. Rhode Island
  3. Massachusetts
  4. Maine
  5. New Hampshire
  6. Vermont

That is all there is to it and mythical Delaware is not either in New England nor close to it. A serious geographical mistake like that brings into question virtually all of your other points as could be predicted from the subject matter.

Can any of us help you or at least to talk you down?

George Thorogood is entertaining but he is a white boy that uses made up words like “befront” and you can hardly ever tell what he is talking about let alone trust where he is from. I have it on good authority that he was asked to be on the “Delaware State Quarter” but no one could ever find him sober enough to get him to sit for the full etching.

Well now you’re just freaking me the fuck out. The address on my hotel phone says I’m in “DE.” My area code is 302. Listen: Is it possible I drove to Denmark and didn’t realize it? I don’t have a passport, I need to be in Detroit on Friday. Please advise.

Yes, Cap’n Tripler, but were the Delaware Destroyers supposed to be destroyers who came from Delaware, or people who were to destroy Delaware?

(Actually I happen to know Governor Ruth Anne from having worked with her in interstate committees since back whan she was LtGov, and may I say that for Gov of a nonexistent entity she sure carries herself like a real one :wink: )
And Happy, think of Delaware as shaped like a tall skinny triangle pointing North. You entered moving from West-by-Southwest to East-by-Northeast somewhere near the apex; the guys painting the signs on I-95 insist in calling it “North” and “South” in part because eventually the road bears left and you end up North of where you were, and in part because it helps confuse people so by the time they figure it out they’ve missed the last exit before the *&^% toll booth.

Calm down, I go to Delaware all the time. It exists. I can give you directions to a couple of hospitals and psychiatric facilites if you’d like.
Delaware sucks. There’s nowhere to get food quickly (that doesn’t serve alcohol), and there’s nowhere to get diesel fuel. We always high-tail it back to the safety of Maryland to eat and fuel up.

Hell, anything east of the Mississippi is New England, as far as I’m concerned.

Beijing, New England… yeah, it has a kind of ring to it.


Beijing is west of here, anyway. I just checked on Google Maps.

OK Happy Lendervedder, Halloween prank is over. Where were you, really?

I-- I’m not sure. I look out my hotel window and all I see are rows and rows of 1’s and 0’s flying by

That’s because it’s not large enough to bother with maps. Just keep driving in a direction and you’ll be back out in a jiffy.

All exits in DE are very close to the Maryland border.

I know that DE exists because I have a tshirt from Lewes, DE.
Well, I did.
I swear, it was just here a moment ago . . .

There IS a Newark, Delaware, I’m sure of it!

Delaware really DOES exist, people. It’s the Home of No Sales Tax Shopping, and comparatively liberal alcohol laws (vs. Pennsylvania’s Puritan traditions).

ETA: Next spring, how about a MAD Dopefest weekend in Rehoboth Beach, DE?

Yeah, but they don’t pronounce it right!

I wouldn’t know, I’ve never heard the Delaware pronounciation of “Newark” – it keeps coming out as something similar to “Exit 2A.”

Does anyone else expect a new username to come out of this trip for Happy Lendervedder?

Are there, I ask hesitantly, any high ranking Generals in this “Delaware” of yours?

Y’know, I’m pretty sure Delaware exists. First state to ratify the Constitution, wasn’t it? Joe Biden is from there, and last I heard, he was running for President on the Bad Hair Blowhard Semi-Reformed Plagiarist ticket. And it has a cool semicircular northern border.

Don’t think I’ve ever been there, though.

Newark, Delaware was once called “New Ark of the Covenant”. It’s not pronounced Nrk, like Newark NJ is.

Happy, next time you’re around the intersection of Cleveland Avenue and Papermill Road, take note that everything south of you is board-flat while everything north of you is hilly. This is a fall line, the line of demarcation between the rumpled-up Earth crust forming a continent and the sedimentary deposit that surrounds it to the sea. All continents have them, but noplace else on earth has such a distinct fall line. It’s usually hard to define a fall line within miles, but in this particular spot it can be defined within feet!

Also, check out the little apricot strips at Bing’s Bakery. Most of their stuff is too damn sugary, but these things are inspiring.

Pffft. Biden is just a front man for MBNA, which has fabricated “Delaware” to serve its own ends.

The one in Delaware is pronounced ‘NEW-ark’ and the one in Jersey is pronounced ‘New-IRK.’

I was in Delaware yesterday. Middletown, to be exact.

Well, in less than 7 hours from now, I will make an attempt to exit this…“state.” County? Municipality? Corporate mailing address? I’m not sure what I’m supposed to call it. Anyway, the Staybridge Suites have been nice, and everyone seems relatively normal here.

I ate something called “Honey Bar-B-Q Wings” tonight, so now I’ll be able to tell the wife I ate some native New England cuisine. She’ll get a kick out of that.

Well, so long New England!