I am interested in studying how gender dynamics work in marriage

[RickJay]

@Shodan

… But we presented a united front - we never disagreed with each other in public…

The importance of this is difficult to overstate.

Show me someone who bitches about their spouse to various people and I’ll show you someone who needs a marriage counselor… or a divorce lawyer.

But yeah, Luciano, if you’re 16, this is like Step 187 in leading a happy life and you’re at Step 2. You need to work on being attractive if you want someone to be attracted to you later on in life. The stage you are at in life right now is about creating a Luciano who will be attractive, interesting, and capable in a relationship. Work on your appearance, your education, and your savoir faire.

[elbows]

Work on your communications skills! If this thread is any indication that’s where you really need to focus. As has been oft repeated, in this thread, communication is everything in relationships. Open, clear, to the point, direct communication.

A potential date isn’t going to guess, tease and fish out of you, whatever it is you’re trying to say or ask, as we have.

Focus on that, is my advice. Good Luck!

[HelenGawn]

@Grumbacher_Red

Men, OTOH, don’t want to talk about their day most of the time. They talk when they are ready to talk. When a woman tries to push a man to talk when he doesn’t want to, or especially if there is a discussion going on that is escalating to an argument, she needs to back off and not push. When a man says, “I am finished talking about this”, the worst thing a woman can do is keep talking and pushing. It makes him feel emotionally unsafe and he will only shut down more, or in some cases, he may lash out verbally or even physically. In no way am I saying that is typical or ok, but where I am going with this is that most men, when they say they are DONE with a conversation, they are indeed, done and the woman should listen to that. Then, many times, after he has had time to ruminate, he will come to her and talk about it, and the conversation can be very productive.

I know there are exceptions to these gender norms outlined above, but in my experience, these have mostly been true.

This part is 180 degrees from my experience and observation. Most people are frustrated at work some, most, or all of the time and vent about it to the first person they see at the end of the day. Here’s an experiment: Imagine that you - or actually do, if you’re a woman - offer concrete problem-solving actions to take. I’ll wager you’ll quickly get to, “Don’t you think I know all that?” or the like.

In general, men expect women to be their sounding board while being unwilling or unable to reciprocate. They know full well offering advice is the last thing anyone wants or needs.