I just realized this truth, this morning. I really am my own worst critic. Nobody else even cares about the things I beat myself up over. And some of them even disagree with me about how nasty I am.
Like the new beau. I felt like a heel, showing up there last night, knowing full well that although I wanted to sleep over, I didn’t want to have sex. Meany ME! :eek: Good god, woman, just go home then. He won’t want you around if you aren’t putting out! So when I said as much to him, (about it being mean) he gave me a funny look, and asked if anyone had ever told me I was allowed to hang out & say whether or when? Floored me. Really it did. It hadn’t occured to him that such a thing might be mean.
This is only the most recent example, but moments like this are becoming pandemic around me lately. And I have to say, it’s not that I have been acting greatly different, but a few people who know me have said, 'you know, I’ve been meaning to tell you … you’re awfully hard on yourself."
Funny thing is, I have been thinking to myself lately, Self, You’re all right. So if I’m feeling good about things, why is everyone telling me to let up on myself?
As someone who has known you for mumble years, I concur. You are too hard on yourself, way too hard. You always have been.
As for expecting repercussions from the boyfriend (who you didn’t tell me about), it’s a learned response. If I expected Dave to act like certain other men in my past life, I’d have left long ago.
Okay, several good points. If I learned to expect a particular response from X, Y, and Z given specific stimuli, then I will be a bit shocked when A declines to behave like an ass. I therefore have to learn the behavioural patterns of what may just be a (gasp) decent guy.
Next question: how to segue from “way too hard” on oneself, to a slightly more forgiving attitude? And if, therefore, I may no longer sharpen my sarcasm on my own self, who then do I practice on?