Kick sense into Purplehorseshoe

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I hate multi-posting on the same topic in the monthly mini-rants thread, so here I am. (Shit, last time I did this, my husband was sick. That didn’t end well.*) Guys, I really need your help; I need a kick in the ass, or a digital/virtual hug, or realistically y’all can dish out both in whatever proportion I deserve.

Fuck it: roast me. I’m sure clearer heads will see some glaringly obvs. insights in my ramblings, but whatever those may be, I can’t see them.

I’m scared. I’m tired. I’m desperately avoiding what I know needs to be done - and for once, that doesn’t mean putting off scooping the litter box.

I’m tired of feeling more lonely when my boyfriend is around, than I do when I’m alone. I’m tired of doing 80% of shared responsibilities (cooking, cleaning, shopping, basic household mngmnt. stuff) and feeling like I do 95% because I don’t get much in the way of non-household in return. (Affection, attention, sex, hugs, etc.) I’m an introvert, but I need some social interaction ferchrissakes. Also, chicks like to get laid.

I referred to my b.f. here as My I.T. Guy because that’s sorta how we met. He’s nearly my opposite in most ways. Obviously a deliberate attempt on my part to try & head off what happened last time: my Other Shoe and I were so. fucking. similar. and that was bliss, until it spiraled into such a clusterfuck that sometimes I can’t believe it wasn’t just some drunken fever dream. Look up my old threads, or maybe someone else can link 'em, because after over five years I still can’t bring up details of that time in my memory without sobbing.

I lost respect for this guy a while ago, and I guess we both have succumbed to resentment. He pays the rent; in his mind, that’s the end of the matter, because he earns easily 3x what I make. Cue Kanye’s “Gold Digger” song. He takes out the trash each week, thanks to a reminder he set on his phone. Reminders I set for him go ignored. Blah blah, this is already degenerating into the same song and dance most women bitch about, I guess.

I keep putting this off, because besides I.T. Guy and y’all, people don’t know my shit. And I just do. not. want. to go around explaining all this again. My husband, my mother, my financial problems, my addictions. My redacted due to board rules helps, until #3 and 4 join forces with the anxiety demons, and then they really start screaming at me.

Yes, I need to get out of this state. Politically. Mentally.

It got to the point where I privately made an “I need a hug” sign, because I have resting bitch face, and communication problems.
So I’m wearing it now.
For y’all.

The real sign was crumpled up by Drunk Me and flung at I.T. Guy. She’s a bad bitch but she does stand up for me when I’m unable to speak for myself. Methods could use subtlety, but that’s really not her style.

Tell me I’m not worthless?

  • narrator: “he died.”
2

Sounds like it’s time to pack up and leave. Which sucks, and is going to suck for a while. Best of luck to you!

3

Think about someone you care about and put them in your place. What advice would you give them in your shoes? Start there and find someone to talk to about this other than us ghostly internet people. If you have the resources talk to a therapist; if not, someone you trust to give you clear advice. My inexpert guess is that you may have to pull the plug on this relationship if IT Guy won’t/can’t be bothered to listen. It sucks, and I’ve been there on both sides of that discussion.

4

You are absolutely not worthless - you’re a person, and you deserve to have your needs met just as much as any other person in this world.

Also:

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} from another RBF sufferer who never gets ‘em unless she waves a placard in people’s faces. Ever thought of joining a community theatre group? Theatre people hug - just sayin’

5

I’m clearly not a ‘clearer head’.

KICK

:stuck_out_tongue:

6

Worthless?? No way! You’re one of my favorites here! Make the decision that’s right for you, that brings you the most peace.

Hugs!

7

Dump the bum and don’t take him back. Ever.

8

Make a list. With a pen and paper. Pro and Con. It won’t make a decision for you. But it may clarify your thoughts. Get away. For a day, a week, Hell, go spend time in the library everyday. Put physical space between you two. Sorry for your problems, heck yeah, {{{hugs}}}. Good vibes coming your way.

9

I’m not gonna lie, I do not see eye to eye with you on most of your posts.

That said, thank you. With all sincerity. If we keep all politics and social topics away (ha) we could get along for an afternoon. Imma guess you could teach me to gut a fish or field dress a deer or skin a rabbit, and this pinko hippie socialist tree hugger genuinely wants to learn those skills.

In the meantime, I did need someone to say that. Thanks, ya damn catfish. We know what your name means.

  • signed,
    pinko (purple-o?) hippie socialist libtard
10

He can teach you about weenie-dogs. That’s for sure.

11

It’s kinda hard to go point-by-point regarding the situation you’re in on here, but feel free to drop me a PM or email if you’d like to pick my brain on this.

Seriously.

I’m here if you need me

12

What’s RBF?

Purple, you need to decide if you’re better off with him, or without him. We can’t do that for you.

13

A few things;

In my experience once they get that, “We’re so done here!”, smell on them, it never EVER goes away.

Ultimately it’s gonna come down to how much you value your own mental health, enough to act to protect it?

You know what needs doing here, I think. Maybe remind yourself ignoring your own wisdom/intellect always comes at a very, very high price.

Sometimes the only way through is through. Stalling in place, just as the shit starts to fly, is a self sabotaging move, that comes with a side of trauma. Keep moving forward, ever forward!

Sending you a gazillion hugs! Of course you’re worth more than this, you know that!

Sending heaps of calming vibes and lots of Good Luck!

14

If you are feeling more lonely when you are with him when you aren’t - I think you know what needs to be done. You have value, you are awesome and you deserve better. Contempt and resentment are hard things for a relationship to recover from.

{{{{{hugs}}}}} and a {{{boot to the butt}}}}

15

Resting Bitch Face

16

Reclaim your independence. Think of what you gain! Cleaner bathroom! No more tripping over dirty underwear. Stuff staying RIGHT where you put it.

Buy a quart of your favorite top brand ice cream, and find some crappy chick flicks (LIFE and LMN movies are perfect, also Hallmark channel). Eat the ice cream right out of the carton, scream and argue with the TV, and cry until you throw up.

You’re gonna need therapy, but that can wait until the wound in your heart scabs over. For now, think of something you like to do, and do it. Check out your city’s Adult Educaton classes. Learn to line dance, paint watercolors, or speak French. Schedule a walk every day.

Be good to yourself. You deserve it!
~VOW

17

There’s security in being in a relationship. The dread of being alone and lonely keeps many an unhappy person from getting out of a miserable relationship. In your case, it sounds like you’re also leapfrogging ahead to worry about having to trot out all the crud from your past.

You resent each other.
You don’t respect him.
You’re lonely when you’re with him.
Huge areas (politics and social issues) are off-limits
Communication is so difficult, you want to make “hug me” signs.

This can’t be the life you want, and it certainly isn’t the life you deserve. You already know what you need and want to do. Don’t leapfrog ahead to having to trot out all your crud from your past to your next relationship or you’ll what-if yourself into putting off the inevitable. In fact, get out of this relationship so you can take care of yourself, not so you can get in another relationship.

You sound like you’d be an interesting and caring friend to almost anyone. Sending you huge hugs and an affectionate shake of those shoulders.

Keep us posted, please. I’m a worrier, too. :wink:

18

If you are spending all your time and mental stamina trying to hold up this relationship you will not work on your admitted difficulties. Instead of everyday trying to put your partners issues at #1, put your issues at #1.
Girl, kick him to the curb. You’re worth more than your getting. IMO.

19

I still like reclaiming independence AND having a cleaner batihroom!
~VOW

20

“Yo Purps”
I ain’t gonna give ya any advice, you wouldn’t want mine. (Beleive me, you don’t want my advice or thoughts on this)

I am going to offer my sympathy though. It’s a tough place to be. I’m in the “waiting for the judge to sign the damn thing” phase in my divorce from the soon-to-be mutter mutter grumble mutter ex-Mrs. Guest.

So without further ado
(((((((((((HUG))))))))) and 《《sympathy》》 for you