:glares: You. Stole. My post. How did you steal my post? Before I even made it, too!
I don’t have my favorite quote ever here, so paraphrasing from memory:
“If you’re not doing something out of love, don’t do it. It can be love of self, love of art, love of others or even love of money, but if the only reason you’re doing it is because otherwise nobody will… don’t.”
How much of the stuff you’re doing is not so much because you want it done as because otherwise nobody will? Don’t.
It sounds to me that if the biggest “plus” you can come up with about you being with this guy is that he pays your rent, then by all means do get out, as it will be doing you both a favor.
No one with self-respect wants to be with someone only because they support them financially, and likewise no one with self-respect wants to pay for a relationship.
Good Luck, there ARE good guys out there, if you want to eventually start looking again, so don’t give up on love.
Based on the OP, it might be time to leave. You’re a fine and worthy person who deserves happiness, and it’s okay to do what it takes to make that happiness more likely.
My favorite saying about my life history is “before you meet the handsome prince, you have to kiss a lot of toads.” Girl, I think this one is a toad. Hop on down the road. There really are handsome princes out there.
This quote has been gnawing at me, because there are several chores that no one else will do if I dont do them. Like dishes. I freaking hate doing dishes, but I also hate not having any clean dishes in the house.
Im not sure if I should stop doing dishes or if I need to reframe it as being in service of something I don’t hate. I dont think I can frame it as “loving” having clean dishes.
How about loving not getting sick from eating off of dirty dishes?
Also: Purplehorseshoe
In the immortal words of Dan Savage: DTMFA*
It sounds like he is doing harm to your mental health, and taking advantage of you. If you can afford to, move out now. If you can’t, start planning how you can get to that point. But get him out of your life, except for maybe the IT part.
The one thing I suggest you can still learn from this guy - forget about waiting for him to hug you. When you need a hug, go hug him. In fact, do it now (or, as soon as you see him next). Someone who still values you will hug you back. If he doesn’t value you, he will avoid the hug. But it does sound like you need to learn to initiate the actions that fill your needs such as hugging someone just because you need a hug. (I routinely told Bob that I needed flowers, or valentine candy, or what have you, and I always grabbed him when I needed a hug)
*dump the mother fucker, already
Purplehorseshoe, can you talk to him? Can you sit him down and tell him what was in your OP?
A lot of guys out there contribute easily as equally in a household nowadays; this isn’t exactly the 1950s.
Can you share your thoughts and expectations? Surely there was something that brought you two together in the first place.
Anyway, hugs from me. I’ve known your posts, and some tribulations, for years now.
I figured that out in the meantime. Thanks anyway!
I will admit there are things I do out of a love-hate combination. I hate seeing dirty dishes in the sink. I love an empty, shiny, clean sink.
Dust bunnies on the other hand, meh. Anybody who comes to my house and likes seeing a dust-bunny-free floor is welcome to the broom.
(((purplehorseshoe)))
I have no advice to offer, just best wishes.
purplehorseshoe: how many hours a week do you work at your professional job?
After re-reading, this line really struck me.
I can quote Siouxsie all day. These two songs literally changed and saved my life. They kicked me in the ass when I was at my lowest.
You pointed to a lot of baggage in your OP. Where can all that take you to if not an early grave? So get there already. Be in the grave (only, like, don’t be dead ferreals). Boring in there isn’t it? So crawl out of it and unleash yourself upon the world–you’ve got nothing to hold you back from what you want to do because you left all that junk in the hole.
Inigo, that was one of the weirdest, yet best ways to say what you said.
I’m going to steal that, modify a bit, and use that for a sigline someday.
I agree.
OP, leave all that baggage on the turnstile. It’s weighing you down.
From your OP I would take a different approach from most. I’d look in the mirror and make an honest assessment of where you are and where you’d like to be and then start moving in that direction. I wouldn’t worry so much about what he’s doing. As you improve your life your relationship may get better it may not but you’ll still be in a better state. And if you do move on being in a better state will help with finding future companionship.
One life coach put it this way: We would rather be unhappy than uncomfortable.
As someone with an emotional disorder and an addictive personality, I can completely relate.
For the OP, I’m really sorry. It’s hard. That part about being more lonely with your boyfriend than without is really clear.
Have you had a discussion with your boyfriend and shared these things? I think it’s very legitimate to tell him exactly what you said in the OP.
Anyone else growing a titch concerned by Purplehorseshoe’s disappearance from this thread since the OP?
You okay Purple? I’m beginning to fret that stuffs going on, hoping all’s we’ll.
Her profile says her last activity was 02:55 (UK time) today.