I am NEVER ordering anything by FedEx again

The BBQ Pit
1

I finally get around to joining the 21st century and order a Samsung Galaxy S5. After I got home from work, I saw where FedEx left a door tag. Unlike USPS, they don’t leave your package at your doorstep. So, I had to go to their local office to pick up the package.

The service girl scans the door tag, looks through her computer, and says I’ll have to call the 1-800 number on the door tag and ask for the tracking number.

This is strange. Why can’t she get the tracking number from her computer? But, I don’t say anything. I pull out my flip phone and call the 1-800 number. I get the scourge of humanity, the friendly robot who asks for info but NEVER gets it right. Friendly robot asks for the door tag number. I say it. Friendly robot repeats it. Friendly robot then says “I’m sorry, I can’t find that number. Tell you what, let’s try again, OK?”

This happens 3 more times. I finally say “Operator.” I get India. The rep says something like “Hookah wallah bimbim sallah bim, duwali couscous nahasapeemapetilon?” “Uh, I got a door tag and I’m here at the FedEx office and they told me to call this number to get the tracking number,” I reply. “Apu wallah wallah bing bang many arms elephant?” says the rep. “Uh, you want the door tag number, right?”

Much like the friendly robot, I repeat the door tag number three times to no payoff. The rep is explaining something using more bim bim sallah bim language, and I finally say, “Look, can you transfer me to an American call center?” I think that made him angry. I finally turn to the girl at the counter and say, “Look, can you talk to him? I can’t speak his language.”

She’s busy with another customer, so that takes 5-10 minutes. She then tells me she doesn’t have permission to talk on the 1-800 line. I say, “Why not? If you have to get the tracking number, why can’t you get it from the headquarters?” She kept repeating she didn’t have permission, and was apparently trained to say no more than that.

After getting nowhere with her, I walk out as she says “Have a nice day, thank you for using FedEx,” and other things she was trained to say like the good Pavlovian dog she was. I’m thinking of contacting Verizon and telling them not to use FedEx, but that’s probably impossible because the delivery guy can just say the package got damaged, can’t be returned, and he’s got himself a brand new phone. I hope they all get cancer and die.

2

It not being left at your door is not a FedEx policy. If the item requires a signature by the sender, then neither FedEx or UPS will leave it. I’ve never ordered anything that was not followed up by an email from the shipper that included the tracking number. Do you not have email? It probably also told you that a signature would be required.

I’ll leave the rest of your screed for others to deal with.

3

How’s your Hindi?

4

I’ve had problems with all three shippers, from time to time. But as a household that buys almost as much online as we do from shelves, I can say that all three do a damn fine job of piling boxes on our doorstep, and FedEx is often a tad better than UPS or USPS in that regard.

I have had some very costly stuff shipped here - photo/video/computer/jewelry - and only rarely have to sign for anything. (The last three things I had to sign for were pocket-change shit things from China my daughter ordered for cosplay - it’s a huge PITA to go have to accept a registered package for a $2.00 wig, lemme tell ya.)

There are only two reasons a carrier won’t leave a package. One is what Chefguy says, the shipper requested verification or signature. The other is that your neighborhood is deemed unsafe for unguarded parcels.

In any case, none of this is FedEx’s fault, and the issue with auto/bot/voicemail/Hindi customer service is hardly rare any more. I appreciate your frustration but I think you’re shooting at the wrong targets.

5

Presumably Knowed Out is not working on a help line that ostensibly is in Hindi.

6

I had a package delivered to me by mistake, so I called FedEx to come back and get it. After wandering in their phone tree maze for a bit, I shouted into the phone “Go fvck yourself!” IMMEDIATELY I heard “Let me get someone to help you” and I was put through to customer service.

7

My point is, cut some slack to people who need to make a living using a second language. Most Americans certainly couldn’t do it.

I’ve worked with people from southeast Asia for years, and if you fucking listen (and turn off the asshole in your head hearing things like “Apu wallah wallah bing bang many arms elephant”), you can understand what is being said. I don’t find the accent any heavier than the southern-US-based call centers with “Shaniqua” or “Anna Joy” answering the phones.

8

As others have said, FedEx and UPS are essentially identical in that regard and the OP fucked up by not paying attention to how it was to be delivered. Good luck never using FedEx again though.

9

I’ve had the best luck with UPS, and that is currently preferred carrier when i have a choice. But that’s probably just my local driver.

I do think fedex has stricter rules about when a signature is required, though. Like, you have to explicitly request a drop off from fedex, where you’d have to explicitly request a sig from UPS or USPS for some values packages.

I can always tell when I have a new employee based in India when they have trouble understanding me. :wink: I rarely have trouble understanding Indians. East Asians are more difficult, as the grammar their native tongue is so different from Indo-European grammar.

10

Do you have parts of your job you hate or think are stupid? Yes?

Don’t dis the peons regurgitating phrases like “have a nice day” because they’re part of their job, just like wearing a suit for a lawyer or giving blowjobs for a whore. If they don’t say it they get penalized. You have a problem with it take it up with the dumbasses in corporate who think such things are more important than actual customer service.

11

I live in England and we have the same issue with Indian call centre exports. It appears Knowed Out was not pitting the Indian agent, just bringing it up a symptom of his overall pit of FedEx,. Yes some extreme Scottish accents are harder for me to understand than Indian call centre staff, that doesn’t change the fact they still do tend to sound like Apu wallah wallah bing bang many arms elephant". A company hiring somebody with an extremly, (to the point of not bing understandable), broad Scottish or Southern US or whatever accent deserves the same complaint.

12

So basically the door tag number was wrong for some reason. That’s why the robot and the CSR couldn’t find it in the system. At least, that would be my guess.

All of that “bing bing walla elephant” stuff makes you sound like a jerk, FYI. I’m not a fan of outsourcing call centers either, but there’s no need to be a dick about the fact that someone has an accent. Ditto “I can’t speak his language.” He wasn’t literally talking to you in another language. He just spoke accented English. Like GrumpyBunny said, it sounds like you heard an Indian accent and your brain immediately shut off.

13

When I suffer from the Indian (or whoever) “English” barrier I always like to dream of some Indian (or whoever) person calling America and getting connected to BoomHower (sp? the guy from King of the Hill).

14

Flip phone?

15

Most “friendly robots” I encounter accept dialed responses. So I just push buttons on the phone to enter my credit card number or my door tag number or whatever. For Yes/No responses, 1 (for Yes) and 2 (for No) seem to always do the trick. And then there’s the ever-popular pressing 0 repeatedly to get a customer service rep. That last one doesn’t always work, as you sometimes need to go through the menus before you get to speak with someone.

16

FedEx also allows the option of having an item sent to their local store. That’s what I do whenever I order a wine delivery, which requires an adult signature.

17

Heh, I just learned this a few weeks ago. The Main Fed Ex depot in my area is an absolute PITA to get to from my house during normal business hours, and I had a wine shipment that I missed delivery on. Next time I’m definitely diverting to the local outlet, which I drive by several times a week just doing normal business.

18

I’m going to give you both the benefit of the doubt and assume you don’t realize this is incredibly offensive because you’re stupid.

19

I’ve known many first-gen immigrant sub-continentians and only a handful lacked any discernible accent, including quite a few with advanced degrees obtained in the US. It’s a pleasant accent but like any other, when it make speech hard to understand it can be an annoyance. Hiring people who may have fluent command of English but a thick accent - be it Hindi, South’ren or Scots - is an exceptionally poor business choice.

I don’t think any less of the poor boiler room worker on the other end when they have a comedian’s “Indian” accent, but it’s hard not to be exasperated when you have to repeat things several times or deal only with scripted responses.

If you’re going to outsource English language communication, there’s one base requirement for those employees.

20

I can’t read your post. It just comes out as “wallah wallah bing bang, apu nandu, Namaste!” to me.