I wish I was as strong as you, if it wasn’t me it would be someone else. So why can’t it be me
Good decision soda. I am proud of you.
Bear{{{Soda}}}Bear
[sup]Bear hugs. Get it?[/sup]
We’re all proud of ya, Soda! It’s always a temptation to try to get your own happiness by taking someone else’s. You gave that family a chance to be a family. It’s one thing to do the right thing when it doesn’t hurt or cost you anything. It’s heroic when you choose to do the right thing even when it’s gonna hurt.
Thank you. You made the world perceptibly better.
~~Baloo
Good for you, sweetie! That took guts.
Catrandom
Add me to your list of admirers, soda. {{soda}}
Again, you did the right thing soda. I’m makes me glad to see some people still have consciences.
I didn’t respond to the other thread because I felt there was nothing I could contribute that wasn’t already said. I think people grew…well…a bit determined to convince you by any means necessary because it keyed into a universal fear–losing the one you love to someone else.
I, too, am glad you did the right thing not only for him and his family, but for you. You deserve someone truly all your own.
Doing the right thing may have a price, but it has rewards as well…
Great. Say soda, we can set you up with some single guys on the board if you need one.
Just to echo what others have said soda-good for you. Maybe knowing that yopu did the right thing is small consolation for the pain you’re feeling. But at least you didn’t inflict that pain on someone else (like this guys wife) It will get better. And there are other sweet, gorgeous, wonderful men out there will will treat you right.
Glad to hear it, Soda. If I may add one more piece of advice: Remember to do the follow-up work and KEEP that guy out of your life. Sometimes it’s not so easy to get rid of guys like that.
But in any case, congratulations! Just keep in mind that true “class” has to be earned, and it has to be earned the hard way. By dumping that guy, you’ve just gone a long way toward becoming a genuinely classy babe. Keep up the good work!
I didn’t reply to the other thread either, because everything had been said and of course in the end it was your own decision.
You made it well, but stick with it!!! I know it will be hard, I’ve gone through it, too, but on the terms that you set what ever happens now will be HONEST and you can only feel GOOD about yourself.
(((((soda)))))
You deserve much better, NEVER FORGET THAT!!!
Soda, I’m so proud of you, I’m getting misty! You did the right thing, on your own terms, with your own realization of the path! Because of that, rather than because we bullied you into it (if people thousands of miles away whom you don’t know can be bullies–I know I tried!), the recovery will be much faster and happier.
Cry your eyes out, eat lots of ice cream, and build your strength for the next time you see him. It might be kind of rough, but you have found your convictions and they will help make you strong.
You can get chocolate fudge ice cream in Sweden? Real thick and gooey with chunks of brownies in it?
{{{{{soda}}}}}
very good soda. your decision shows strenghth and maturity. i knew you would do the right thing.
about that ice cream, cherry garcia, or phish food?
In the “Things I’ve Learned” thread I started a while back, I said something to the effect that knowing the right thing to do is another world entire from actually doing the right thing. Maintaining integrity is sometimes extremely difficult to do.
You’ve made what is the hardest decision–but the right one. So often, people eke along with the easier choices…and reap the consequences later on. It must hurt so badly, hon, but take comfort in the fact that hundreds of people across the globe are very proud of you, and that you have spared yourself, if not the others involved, a monsterload of life-changing problems.
My recommendation: If you can get Ben and Jerry’s, Phish Food rules…chocolate ice cream, chunks of fudge, soft caramel swirl, and marshmellow cream. It is the ultimate sinful indulgence, but also the ultimate comfort! I also have some great chic flicks for your viewing pleasure…Steel Magnolias, Fried Green Tomatoes, Little Women, plus the great weeper Awakenings. Shall I warm up the VCR?
It hurts, but it’s a good hurt.
Be well.
Rys
Good for you, Soda!
Soda, I joined late, so I didn’t add anything to the previous thread.
Like the others, I am so proud of you, I’ve got tears in my eyes. You made the connection, and then you did the brutally hard work of sticking with your integrity.
What you’ll find, I think, after you get over the heart ache, is that you’ll be proud of yourself. You’ll find that you are really a strong, and now wiser, person. You’ll find not only that you have the capacity for passion but the fortitude to wait for it in the right circumstances.
Take good care of yourself, sweetheart. Please don’t hesitate to email me if you need encouragement, support, or just an ear.
Wow. I’m very impressed by the maturity to make such a tough decision. By doing so you showed respect to him, yourself and honesty. And you won mine along the way. I’m sorry about the pain. If I could make it go away I would.
Live so your friends can defend you but never need to.
soda,
I think your post sums it up as eloquently as anything anyone else would want to comment on.
You have my very best.
{{{{{{soda}}}}}}
Soda, I was hesitant to share this much personal information with you in the other thread, but I think now it might help you to hear it.
About five years ago, I got involved with a married man. He had two young children, and although I didn’t know his wife, his brother was one of my best friends. Of course, we are NOT friends now. I knew it was wrong, but I justified it to myself repeatedly, with excuses that I now see as pathetic and desperate. We carried on the affair for far too long - he was going to leave his wife and move in with me. He had actually gone out and looked at new houses for us, and had told her he was going to leave …
Then, it hit me. He was leaving his wife AND children to live with the “other woman,” who had done nothing but take away from their relationships. The last time I saw him while we were together, I said, “Here’s the deal. If you can HONESTLY tell me that you can be as good of a father to your children, and feel justified in leaving your wife when we live together, fine. If you can’t tell me that, I don’t want any part of it. I just can’t do that.”
He acted fine about that, but then I didn’t hear from him for 4 or 5 days. I finally got a letter Fed-Exed to me on the fifth day. He said that I was right, and that he couldn’t honestly believe he’d be a good father if he left his kids. He said he was going to counseling with his wife, since they DID have more than a few problems. And that was that.
It felt like the worst moment of my life. I remember that I was standing up while I read the letter, and when I got to the end of it my knees buckled and I fell down. I loved him with everything I could… but it wasn’t right. I didn’t want to be happy at someone else’s expense. And I didn’t want to be in love with someone that wasn’t willing to work out any problems that would arise, but instead would escape with yet another woman. I couldn’t respect a man that would be LESS than the best father to his kids.
So I picked myself up off the floor and spent the day in bed crying. My roommates kept coming to the door, trying to distract me - they even called my sister to tell her to come over, since they were worried about me. But I was miserable. And I stayed miserable long after I got out of bed.
After that, I didn’t date anyone for around 2 years. Then when I started dating again, I felt like I was starting at the beginning. I can’t even explain how weird it was at that point. Not just weird, even - I compared everyone to the married guy, and no one seemed to measure up. But after another couple of years of that, I met a guy I DO love, that wasn’t taken and didn’t remind me of the married guy at all. My relationship with him wasn’t a reaction, and it wasn’t based on a sense of the forbidden. It was…well, real. It grew over time and didn’t make me feel ashamed deep down. And I can’t tell you how much that means, especially since now I can appreciate it.
So I’m not the person to tell you that now that you’ve done right, you’ll be over it soon. But I do think your experience here will make you see that doing right will cause you to grow, and it will also make you appreciate the feeling of real love.
I’ve run into the married guy a few times since we ended it. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t occasionally feel a pang of missing his friendship. But the reality is that the affair was NOTHING in the long run. What I thought was grand passion was just a mistake. And for the record, I also found out that he had lied to me about his past - he’d cheated on his wife before - many times. So, if I’d have ignored my instincts any longer I’d have just become the next one to be cheated on.