Broken Heart No More- Got rid of the loser

In My Humble Opinion
1

So earlier I was writing about my “broken heart.” How I cried and cried! Well, problem is solved.

As time passed, we started to flirt. He decided one night he wanted to sleep with me. I didn’t want to unless it’d be an ongoing thing. I told him that. He said it was and he loved me and wanted to be with me. Looked me right in the eye and said that. I was an idiot. Immediately after the act, he told me had an “amazing” new girlfriend that he loves and thinks about all of the time, and that we’d never be together again. He told me “there is no hope.” Then he leaves me there crying in bed. Just walks out.

Turns out he still had me on his mind, and figured if he slept with me he’d get me out of his head so he could concentrate on his new girlfriend. His story was that he felt we needed “goodbye sex” to resolve things. Ha! Too bad he never told me about his little plan before it happened! Asshole just wanted to have his way with me and didn’t give a damn what it did to me emotionally.

Today he comes around saying he wants to have an “honest talk.” He goes on about how we both screwed up the relationship, etc. I agreed, but I say that I deserve an apology- that he should have never lied about saying he loved me and that he shouldn’t have slept with me when he knew I was still in love with him.

He then has the balls to say I seduced him, and that I should apologize to him. That it was my fault.

Well, god help me I slapped that man.

Long story short, number deleted. Email deleted. Things involving him thrown away. This is liberation day. And it should have happened long ago. I wanted him gone because I knew he was a selfish person who couldn’t think beyond his own immediate needs. Because I knew he’d lie to people’s faces, and then manipulate the truth when his lies were exposed. He tries to blame other people for his own shortcomings. I wasn’t an angel, but he is a cruel and heartless being that can only subsist off of other people’s emotions. Anyway, like any sociopath he is charming, and he managed to keep me under his spell a little longer. But no more.

I was going to leave this weekend, to seek out the comfort of old friends. But fuck that! I’m throwing a party tonight and inviting everyone I know. That man isn’t going to run me out of town. And I think when people see how he played me, he’s suddenly going to find himself a lot more lonely than he thought he was.

Good riddance! It’s time to celebrate!

2

even sven, while the circumstances that led to your positive decision are the usual human mess, I am very pleased that you have been given the impetus to make that decision.

(I met my last-year-heartbreaker at a party ten months after she ran off with someone else. She and the new guy seemed to be going through a rocky patch, and she started crying to me about how if she’d have acted differently, then she and I may have stood a chance. She pursued me round the party and asked if we could continue the conversation another time, and I agreed. And I know that if her new guy hadn’t been there watching her like a hawk, and if she or I would have pushed things, we would have kissed and maybe more. As it was, I was glad it didn’t happen, tempting though it would have been. But I would probably have done what you did, too.)

Like I said in your original thread, “to get to the actions in the above list, you have first to accept that it’s over. That is the hardest thing to do.” I’m glad you got there, though I’m sorry it happened through added pain. Today begins your healing. It won’t be smooth - it will be like a roller coaster or a sine wave, but the general trend will be upwards.

Good luck! :slight_smile:

ETA: he sounds like a total and utter ass, and you are well rid.

3

Thanks. I’m pretty confident that it’s all going up, now. Realizing that he probably never gave a damn about me makes it pretty easy to let go. I’m not going to be missing that future of being fucked over and over again.

The only downside is now we have to do that painful dividing of friends. It’s a small town and there are only a few foreigners here. I hate to be petty, but I do want them on my side. I don’t have enough friends to lose any.

So I’m buying the beers tonight! It’s a party and everyone is invited. They know me and they know I’m a good person. And while I hope I’m big enough not to go spreading the story around, they’ll figure out what happened. It kind of feels like Junior High, but I think it’s what I’ve got to do if I want to keep my place in the community.

If he didn’t have some compromising pictures of me, I could get that man run out of town right quick. Really, after what he did he doesn’t deserve an ounce of sympathy.

I always figured I’m cute enough to get a guy with two out of three- smart, good looking or responsible. I’m a shallow woman, so I always choose “smart” and “good looking.” Fucks me every single time.

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Forget it Jake, it’s Chinatown. :slight_smile:

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One of the reasons I found it difficult to break things off with my last ex was because of this - our social circle was really small. Good for you on dumping the bastard. I didn’t have the strength to do that until I was half a world away.

You and me both. (I hit all three with my current boyfriend through sheer luck. :slight_smile: All my exes have been bad news.)

Anyway, wild partying sounds good to me!

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Me too. Though add in “funny” as well. And I have got similarly done in.

(I once went for “smart” and “funny” and ignored the “good looking” - didn’t work, for me.) Perhaps we need to expand “smart” to include “emotional intelligence” too.

7

Good lord, what a douchebag. Come back and read your threads if you ever have a moment of weakness, ‘cause putting it in writing sure helps you see things objectively, doesn’ it? And have a hell of a party! (you aren’t near Tennessee,are you? :slight_smile:

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Good job, even sven. I know that such a break up is very hard, especially after a long relationship. But sometimtes it’s the best to stop and separate. I also had a very difficult separation a few years ago, my heart was broken but you get over it and life goes on. You’ll surely find a better man that will respect and really love you.

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Sometimes I hate you, even sven - you’re sooooo much tougher than me! :wink:

I know you cried and cried but damn, girl, you really figured this all out pretty quick! Hope the party goes well and you can be Queen Foreigner and run the bastard out of town.

10

Wow. Your ex is a total douche bag!

Glad you’re rid of the loser - don’t worry about the friend issue - it will sort itself out. These things always do.

11

How very thoughtful of the guy to come back and act like a complete freakin’ tool, thereby clarifying everything for you.

Congrats on your new perspective!

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I’m hung over now!

I drank, I smashed glasses, I danced with strippers…good times! And I didn’t even have to pay for stuff (a rich business man picked up the bill- kind of a normal thing in China) so I’ve got the cash to take everyone out again one day.

At the end of the night I did break down a bit, but I just kept telling myself “wait, I hate that guy!” and I got through. I don’t really think I hate him, but I need to, so I am going to. Whenever thoughts of him pop into my head, I just think “Hate.” Hate hate hate! I hate how he made me feel. I hate how I acted around him. I hate how he used me up and threw me away. So I’ll just let that hate grow and then become irrelevant as I forget ever feeling anything good about the bastard and eventually forget him altogether.

Public opinion isn’t so overwhelmingly on my side (I made mistakes in this relationship, too), but is mostly on my side. I’m not gonna lose friends and I’ll be fine. I might end up not invited out now and then when they want to hang out with him. But maybe without him around sucking my soul I’ll be able to develop some new friendships and hobbies.

As soon as the hangover subsides, I’ll head to Chongqing to party with some of my best friends in the world and maybe find a real man to spend some time with! And when I come back to this town it’ll be a TRIUMPHANT return because my life is just gonna get more and more awesome!

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Oh, this is so Joan Crawford.

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Glad for you, Even Sven. Very satisfying for you.

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He wants to have an “honest talk”? His life is going to be very disappointing. Never speak to him again. You won’t be missing anything. And good for you for slapping him.

16

I thought “imprinting” meant something else…

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I hate to bump my thread up, but for those of you with patience for a bit of self-indulgence, I’d love some advice…

I had a great weekend in another town with friends. I returned to town feeling good, and on Monday had a good dinner with some foreigner friends. But today has been more difficult. I’ve realized that I’m going to run into the guy soon enough, and that is going to suck. Because what I feel is intense anger. I want to hurt him like he hurt me. But I know I can’t. Anything I say will just be dismissed as me being a “crazy and vindictive bitch.” There is nothing I can do to touch the guy (and wanting revenge is bad, anyway, right?)

Today as we were figuring out where to go, I was so terrified of ending up in the same place he was- and wondering how it would go down. Would my friends have to choose who to hang around with? Would I have to go home? Would I tell his “amazing” girlfriend what an ass the guy is? Or just pointedly ask how old she is (I’m sure it is less than 20.)

And it just made me so angry that I am the one who has to consider these things. That he is out and about like the King of Town, and it’s me who is the crazy vindictive one. This idea made me so angry that I ended up throwing up my entire dinner! Why should I have to be the one who goes home? Why am i the one that needs to avoid him?

But I am. I am nowhere NEAR ready to be civil, and I’m not going to be sitting at a table with him for a long long time. I’d spend the whole time trying to keep myself from throwing stuff at him.

So what do I do when I see him? I know he will be polite and civil to me. He feels no emotions, so it’s easy for him to do what will look best in other people’s eyes. But I cannot be polite and civil to him.

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The best revenge is living well. Really.

The best options are to be civil (which does not preclude of certain amount of ignoring someone) or to leave.

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TRY, fertheluvofgod! Feel as angry as you want on your own time, rant and rave about him with close, trusted friends (ideally ones who aren’t friends with him). But for your own peace of mind, don’t let yourself explode at him the next time you meet. Because you’re right. It’ll likely end with him rolling his eyes at the new girl and you fuming at home imagining them describing the situation to your mutual friends. It’s pathetic but true, the number of supposedly ‘crazy ex-girlfriends’ out there could fill an asylum the size of Canada (and gee, somehow these poor blokes keep finding them).

Kill him with kindness. Add some thinly-veiled insults and passive aggression, if you really, really must (‘Oh, you’re still going out? I thought after we… sorry, nothing, sorry’). But as Gary T said, living well really is the best revenge, especially if both her and the new girl can see it.

20

How much have you talked to your friends about how you feel? If you want to go out and be a part of the group, you’re going to need some support. Have at least one friend that would leave with you if you feel like leaving, or stay with you if your other friends decide to pal with Dude.

The hardest thing you’re going to have to do is bite your tongue. That’ll be easier if you just don’t have to converse with them. You can manage it if you’re in the same bar/same room, but don’t let yourself get into a conversation with him or her.

Go out, do your thing, have a friend stick by your side. Heck, have a friend who will tell Dude to fuck off for you!

If you can’t get any friends to support you on this, in a one-on-one way, then…well, don’t ditch your friends forever but tell them how it makes you feel and that you won’t be going out with them tonight.

This is all gonna take some time to work out. Heck, I have some exes I still want to kill YEARS later. Right now, for you, if you feel you can’t control yourself around him then control what you can - your approximation to him. Don’t go out.