Is there any way you could just be monosyllabic with him? Answer any question he asks with as little effort as possible. Sure, it’s as civil as a surly teenager but does he really deserve more? No. You aren’t ready to be civil. But, it would be a victory on your part to transcend this anger and just barely tolerate him.
I like the monosyllabic idea. It’s more elegant than just ignoring him. When I bump into him and he politely asks me “Oh, long time no see! How are your classes?” I can just say “Good” and walk away. Works.
I’ve got one friend who says he’ll stick by me (but he might be leaving town soon.) As for the rest, they see it as kind of a he-said she-said situation. They are willing to hang out with me and recognize the reason for this rift, but wouldn’t support me through thick and thin. They just want to go out and have fun and it’s not really a big thing to them who they go out with. Obviously, I think not going out is not an option. I’m already pretty isolated. If I didn’t get out regularly I’d get depressed in about twenty seconds.
And yeah, if we do run into him and he invites us to his table, I think the only thing I can do is leave. I guess that’s just how things are. Sometimes you lose.
Well, the “what’s gonna happen” mystery is solved! Walked past him on campus. I offered up a smile and a weak little wave. He just rushed right past me without a word.
Kind of feels like a victory! At least I don’t have to be the one doing all the work ignoring him.
Although it also feels a lot like middle school. So much for being a mature role model for my students! Ha! Nobody ever told me that sort of teen drama never really ends.
Can’t. Wait. To. Go. Home.
I just wanted to say I read this thread before and I’m really sorry, even sven. You seem like an incredibly awesome person and I’m sure you’re going to get through this just fine, but if you want my sympathy, then you have it!
I’m an ex-pat too, although in Japan, and recently suffered a minor broken heart too. It’s definitely worse in a foreign country–although in my case, Tokyo is a big enough town that I’ll probably never see him again! Still, it makes you feel even more isolated than usual and adding in the complications of a small social circle makes it even worse. I’m glad some of your friends are sticking with you.
And I know how it feels to be ignored by someone you once cared about, even if you do hate them quite a bit now. And I can 100% sympathize with wanting to hurt him in some way. I just keep asking myself, “Is this going to make you in any way feel better?” and if the answer is no, I try not to do it. I don’t always succeed, but at least it makes me feel a little more in control of my life. I may have let him take advantage of me, but I don’t have to give him that satisfaction, you know?
So good luck to you. I hope you find someone who deserves you. I know you will!
The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference. Indifference his brains out, baby.
He sounds like a manipulator and potentially would have become an abuser, emotionally or otherwise. I think you did yourself a giant favor. Congratulations!
Oh, and check out “The Manipulator Files” over there at heartlessbitchesinternational.com. 
Enjoy.
Minimal civilty and yes! Living well. Good on ya for getting out now. Hang in there. You have the Dope boards to come vent all you like. Have you visited the Pit yet? To well and truly pour your venom on him?
You should have fucking kneed him in the balls the second he told you he’d lied to you to get you to sleep with him. What a fucking waste of meat.
On the knees-to-balls subject, by the by, remember: better late than never.
Indefference generally involves truly not giving a shit and moving on with your life.
I’m a bit confused though. I am under the impression that even sven wasn’t with this guy very long and they only slept together the one time. Is that correct? Because if that is the case, all this drama seems to be a bit much. She isn’t suffering from a “broken heart”. She is suffering from a “bruised ego”. A broken heart implies that you miss him and want to be back together. even sven should no more miss this guy than she should miss a confidence man who defrauded her of some valuables.
Basically she is pissed off because some guy lied to get into bed with her and had no interest in continuing the relationship afterwards. Not that she doesn’t have a right to be pissed off, but let it go. There is no vengence to be had. even sven is not going to drive him out of town, kick him in the crotch, get him to see the error of his ways or even prevent the same thing from happening to some other girl. Because this guy does not care about her.
Anyhow, the point is it is best to just take the lessons learned and move on.
No, they were together before that. And this one has the added layer of being in a foreign country with a limited social circle, so I get why it sucks.
But still, the best you can do is pretend indifference. ANY confrontation – even snarky questions to any new girls – will make you look bad. Don’t give him any power in this that he didn’t earn.
My recollection of the situation:
even sven and Dudebro dated for a couple of months. Sven realized what a loser DB is, and dumped him. DB quickly came to the realization that he’s in a city full of barely legal hussies, and gets back on the horse. Shortly after this, sven begins to think that dumping DB was a mistake, and makes inquiries about getting back together. DB demurs, preferring the hussies. Eventually, they run in to each other, DB feeds sven a line about wanting to date again, and they sleep together. DB hightails it the next morning.
sven? Ignore the dude. You bruised his ego first, and he’s unlikely to ever take your feelings into consideration ever again.
I’ll second this. Good for you for getting rid of it, es. Now just let him fade into the past, grow a bit more, date ugly, smart & responsible guys (like me) and be happy.
That’s what I said. 
Well, we had been dating since last January. And it was one of the fast and intense things that happens in emotionally strange situations (living abroad) and especially among manipulative users and admittedly easily manipulated lonely-as-all-get-out women. I spent months buying him drinks, taking him home when he was too wasted to walk, making him coffee, loaning him money and giving him my lesson plans. We spent every minute together. I’m a sucker for a pretty face.
Things started getting messy in late summer during a long period of separation (and at this time he was saying he wasn’t going to come back to my town.) At the time I knew he was not someone I should trust, and I wanted to be rid of him. But he came back, and I think I kind of freaked out about how much my life would change without him. He also fed me a lot of BS about how he really did love me and was good to me, even though I never trusted him. I started thinking maybe he was a good guy and I was the one with trust issues. Never the less, things eventually blew up and we ended it.
We tried to “remain friends”, but what that really meant was he told me stuff like “You never know what will happen in the future” while he was telling his friends stuff like “It’s completely over and I will never be with her again.” We tried to keep spending time together with our mutual friends, and he said he’d support me as a friend. But really, he was just stringing me along, keeping me on as back up. And I fell for it completely. I couldn’t get over him. Spent a whole month crying, begging, pleading for him to give it another shot. In return, he handed out affection like bits of crack. Just enough to keep me hanging on. We saw each other pretty often. He kept me hot and cold, hot and cold, knowing exactly what buttons to push to keep me from finding balance. This man was gonna use me to the very last drop.
That’s when all this stuff happened.
So yeah, it’s for the best. I still miss him sometimes. We did have good times together and something is missing from the table when he isn’t there. So I have to remind myself that no- those weren’t good times. Whatever good things I thought about him were an illusion. I’m pretty sure he was using me the whole darn time. If I’d been smart I’d have kicked him in the balls the very first time I met him. So thanks guys for cheering me on. I know I did the right thing, but it’s hard to remember that when I’m home alone at night.
As for now…I’m kind of looking forward to today. Now that he is ignoring me, I can walk around with my head up. He’s the one who lost this game. And the best day of our whole relationship will be the day that I forget his name.
Congratulations!
Hah. Well done. He does sound like an incredibly selfish person (and not too bright if he really thought it was a good idea to say that to you!).
I used to really go for the pretty boy musician type, which is basically a recipe for winding up with an asshole. My love life got a lot better when I woke up and realized that I needed to focus on finding a good hearted man instead of making excuses for the personality defects of a pretty boy douchebag. It helps to imagine the pretty boy jerks as they will be when they are old, fat, and bald but have no redeeming personality to make up for it. 