Let me repeat - I have no intention of ever physically harming him. I don’t abuse my kids. I don’t have any anger management issues or real violent tendencies. This rant has been years in the making. There is so much shit that has happened in the 9 years we’ve known each other and I am absolutely fed up.
I am the primary parent because he decided he wanted to leave us 3 years ago to shack up with her. Fine by me, I’m much better off with the man I’m with now. We have our problems but constant lying & cheating is not one of them.
The only reason he is saying that he’ll fight for custody of her is because he thinks that will make me not argue about him paying less to avoid going through all of that. Stupid bastard. I know he’ll make this process as nasty as possible. He has a history of making up lies about anything to get people to sympathize with him. Fuck it. I’ll deal with whatever he comes up with.
I have had enough of his bullshit. He has been so “generous” to pay half of her daycare for the first year and then when she started 1st grade and it was reduced to half the normal amount he was “kind enough” to pay all of it.
Somehow he thinks that paying for her goddamn daycare (and may I remind you that he doesn’t even cover the full amount - it went up a little last year and he whined so fucking much that I just made up the difference) is completely supporting her. How in the flying fuck can he say that I’m not doing my fair share? I work a full-time job and have never been on welfare. I pay for her health care, housing, clothing and everything else related to her life. MAYBE once a year he’ll buy her a few outfits or a pair of crappy shoes.
You know, even though he wasn’t paying a whole lot I was willing to work with it just to keep things amicable. But fuck this. It’s obvious that he’s never going to stop being a dick and I’m tired of dealing with it. The state will handle it from here on out.
He calls me and complains about how much his brand new car costs. He’s thinking of buying a new condo in DC while keeping his house in MD and complaining to me about the cost of housing. I have no sympathy for his “plight”.
I came here to vent because I was so angry at work and needed to get it out. I can’t talk about all this while I’m there and at home it’s too easy for my daughter to hear me on the phone (we have a one bedroom apt).
I’ve been making a list of local lawyers who deal with family law and I just finished the application for child support and will be putting it in the mail today. I’m sure I’ll get a very angry phone call in a few weeks. Sucks to be him.
Because he isn’t always a “piss poor dad” to her. He comes to her school functions, goes on field trips sometimes and she generally has a great time visiting him.
I’m not the one making this a fight for her. All I want is for him to do his “fair share”.
She is getting the best of the situation and always will. From me anyway.
I have never been in this situation, so I don’t know how it goes, but it seems to me like you don’t have to have any contact with him that isn’t related to your daughter. You say you have been amicable for the sake of your daughter; sounds like it’s time to draw some new boundaries with him, for your sanity’s sake.
LostGoals, it sounds like you still have some issues. mornea is not your ex. Maybe you need your own Pit rant (seriously).
If you and the ex have only known each other for 9 years, your daughter must be fairly little, and I know 2-bedroom apartments don’t grow on trees, but… will she eventually get a bedroom of her own, or will she have to share one with her mother until adulthood? I imagine the lack of privacy must be difficult for you now, and will become difficult for her later, at around puberty or so.
I’ve had the misfortune of having to avail myself of the services of a family lawyer in the N.Va. area. My situation isn’t as contentious as your’s appears to be but feel free to contact me (email) if you are serious about obtaining a recommendation for good legal counsel.
I hope this thread doesn’t devolve into mornea trying to defend herself against totally unwarranted vilification. Take a look at what parts of her posts are being ignored, compared to what is chosen for attack. See how much of what is quoted is based upon bitter worst-case assumptions. Most of the rest is based upon the biggest crap-load of projecting to be seen outside a twenty-screen IMAX theatre.
Here’s something to remember: All the women on this entire planet, despite some shared similarities, are individuals. mornea is somebody else’s ex-wife, her husband, child, marriage and divorce are unique. Also, when one stops punishing half the world’s population for the actions of a single female, a reasonable, rational, un-biased attitude can begin to reassert itself. Until then you are a wounded animal, flailing in pain and fear. It can go two ways for the animal, it finds the reasoning part of it’s mind and stops it’s tortured throes, then find a means to heal, or continues thrashing in mindless agony until it bleeds to death. Also to be considered-- the second option can lead to injury for those closest to the wounded, as well.
Mornea, it’s not much consolation now, but it’s surely certain to improve. It just takes a long time and a sometimes hideous amount of frustration before life finds a rythym, and even then it’s never going to be totally smooth. Make sure you have a lawyer so that it can be made as fair as possible for all involved. A verbal agreement sort of worked for one couple I know, all the rest turned ugly because none of the promises were made nice and legal. Keep up your policy of no bad-mouthing the ex. From what I’ve seen, the kids pick up the truth of the matter, eventually, and appreciate the restraint shown as well.
Okay so he is a suck ass, and if this would of followed the rant I would of never commented with anything other then Good Luck!
So I will rescind my prickness in light of seeing the situation as it is portrayed here. All I seen in the rant that really screamed out at me as just wrong was his family and friends issue. But I understand your venting, and I apologize for jumping the gun in my replies.
And I would highly recommend letting the courts figure it out, if for nothing else he does decide to buy all this shit and come to you with a pity story of not having enough money. With just you and him having a agreement I would think it would be harder to take his ass to jail for arrears.
With the price of housing in DC, if he’s got a house in Maryland and is buying a condo while his daughter is living in a one-bedroom apartment with her mom, something is seriously fucked up here. Housing prices around here are OBSCENE.
Mornea, best of luck. I hope you take the bastard to the cleaners. And bump his (court-ordered and supervised) child support amount up to a reasonable level. $194 a month in NoVA? Utterly ridiculous!
Ignore LostGoals, he sounds like your typical “my ex fucked me/the system fucked me” dad. I’ve seen dozens and dozens of spurned, angry men in my time in divorce law.
This attitude reminds me of the sorry sack of shit seen recently on the median in rush-hour traffic in a rather nice suit with a sign around his neck deatiling the sob story about him being in arrears to his ex and the county. When he asked my wife for a few buck, and she told him the he looked like he was well-off enough to pay his child support, he replied “What’s good for the goose is good for the gander” with a shit-eating grin.
Her oh-so-witty reply to him was “ya, it’s too bad you look like a fucking turkey”. Still, this man never said he didn’t have the job or the money…he just got stomping, red-faced angry and started to talk shit while she rolled up her window.
So several hours after LostGoals has accepted the clarification and reconsidered his position, you ignore that just so you can come in and peddle your scorn of “spurned, angry men” and regale us with some witticism from your wife?
Yes. Mainly because the attitude is becoming more and more prevalent on our society. After spending 2 years in the divorce industry, I’ve seen it so much that it makes me sick. Maybe Lost is different and my take on the matter doesn’t apply-I somehow doubt it, but he may be-then the “witticism” I regaled you with still applies to the OPs ex. He likes his GF, his cars, and his money and doesn’t want to take responsibility for his sperm.
No my ex “tried” to fuck me, but she couldn’t because I was clearly (In the eyes of the law and in any sense) the better, more fit parent. The system does try to screw the man in many cases. There are court cases where common sense is replaced by the prejudiced view of a family court judge.
Luckily your closed view is the slowly becoming the minority as people are awakening to the fact that just as a bioligical father does not make a dad a biological mother does not make a mom.
And for your records the amount of deadbeat mothers would be higher and more like that of the deadbeat fathers if more fathers had custody, and the rate of dead beat mothers our increasing as fathers rights become more respected.
Now I am not arguing that some “spurned angry men” but there are also many “jealous vindictive women” but apparently that does not apply in your world.
We see these kinds of rants here several times a year, and I always wonder, if this guy is such a monumental ass with such obvious character flaws and no redeeming value whatsoever, why are these women attracted to losers like this in the first place? Seems like if they are as bad as they are portrayed in these rants, they should have figured that out long before they started making babies with them. Maybe he is everything she says he is, but that just means she is either:
[ol]
[li]a terrible judge of character, or [/li]
[li]is attracted to bad boys, or [/li]
[li]we are only hearing one side of the story, from someone with an axe to grind.[/li][/ol]
We could spend hours and hours upon hours discussing my “view” and the depths of depravity of some certain members of society will go to to fuck their child/ex/system over.
Unfortunately, I’ve seen many more men actively engaged in trying to get out of paying support, shirking their duties as a father, and then in anger, turning around and making things worse by falling into the deadbeat category.
There are definitely women who are so on fire with anger, and so unfit to be mothers, that they shouldn’t be allowed any time with their children. Unfortunately, the numbers don’t come near a 50/50 split.
FYI- I am a man, and worked in an office that leaned heavily towards men. That is, unless the woman came in and looked so sad that my employer couldn’t say no.
I think almost 50% of divorce and custody cases could be eliminated if people used critical thinking skills when considering a potential partner for life.
EG-
…don’t hook up with the barfly at your regular hotspot and get her pregnant-if you’ve always seen her drunk, she may have a drinking problem.
…if she tells you oh-so-funny stories about how she fucked over her ex husbands and boyfriends, she may screw you in the end.
…if he or she doesn’t have a job, and you’re pulling all the weight now, don’t be shocked when nothing changes after marriage, there will be no end of excuses from them about why they can’t get a job.
…if he or she cheated on you once, they will definitely do it again.
And I don’t disagree but in your previous posts you clearly bad mouthed the men without even a remark on the women.
And lets reverse the situation and give men the children most of the time with little or no need for explaination, some very good moms would because just like the dads, feeling betrayed by the system.
And they as well would follow your model above IMO. It takes a lot to lose your child if you clearly our the better parent, when you know your child support will go to things that your child does not need (Like your ex’s new breasts or whatever) and many moms if in the same situation (The guy buys a penile implant with her child support payments) would also become very angry.
As for mornea from what she wrote I believe she is the better more fit parent, and she should have custody and collect support. But thats not always the case. And speaking of mornea I will get out of her thread with another good luck!
Mornea, I sympathize with your rant. I’ve gone through a lot with my daughter’s dad and I’ve had those exact feelings before. In my case, he’s all talk. If he threatens to try to take our daugher I just roll my eyes. He can barely pick her up twice a month, so I really don’t worry too much that he’s going to take me to court.
You should definitely get in there and try to get some more child support. $194 a month is a pathetic sum of money. Even my deadbeat ex has to pay $90 a week. But, the ONLY reason he pays is because he knows he’ll go to jail if he doesn’t. If you get him in there for child support, he can raise any concerns he has about you as a parent. Really, the only way he’d be able to get her from you is if he could prove you unfit, and that’s really hard to do.
And ignore anyone in this thread who thinks they know your situation and presume to judge you about it. You are entitled to rant all you want, sometimes that’s all we have. And as an overworked, stressed, single parent, I understand where that vitriol comes from. Good luck to you.
Well, this IS a thread on the poor performance of fathers, NOT mothers, so there’s no reason to expect me to give both equal time.
Honestly, why should we? There is a great deal of shild psychology involed in custody. 99% of custody decisions aren’t decided capriciously and with bias. That having been said, there are no end to the examples of such decisions being rendered.
I once had a client with an alcoholic ex who couldn’t get a job, spent all of her money on a pair of tits, was caught drunk many times after the courts told her to stay miles from booze, and somehow still retained custody even after the father had to spend a year defending a malicious molestation charge. This was a rare example of a capricious decision(s) not to punish a woman who was clearly not the parent who should be spending most of her time with the child.
No, instead what we have are men who would rather NOT have custody, and would rather spend money on cars and gadgets and girlfriends, than on supporting their ex who might not make much money or has to spend all of their money on childcare, and those men run around telling the world that it’s not their fault and that the system fucked them over.
Apparently that attitude is winning over the hearts and minds of America, and that is a scary fucking thought.
Or he started out as a good husband/ father*, then his priorities changed. I can’t be the only one who knows people who started off great then emotionally and or phisically checked out of their family for one reason or another.