I still think the threesome is the way to go. Couldn’t you just convert to Mormonism or something?
Moderator’s Notes: All right everyone; stop it. Now. I’m strongly inclined to just close this thread, but I won’t … yet. Soda is asking for advice and maybe a dose of compassion. She’s obviously distraught over these events. Your insults and attacks aren’t helpful or even warranted. Since none of this affects you personally, some of these posts strike me as overly sanctimonious. Please desist now. If I see anymore posts laden with vitriolic judgments directed at anyone, I’ll immediately lock this thread.
Am I clear? Thanks, then.
I’m really sorry, soda to see all this
hostility to you.
No one here should judge you like this.
Love is love and unfortantly he is married.
I just read that you will take a break from him
and I think that’s the best thing to do.
You 2 have to figure out what to do.
I wish you the best whatever happends.
Take care.
Anyone else out there agree with me that that Dinsdale is a insensitive, amoral, antisocial, judgmental, pompous jerk without whom the entire world would be much better off?
He’s ugly, his feet stink, and he don’t love Jesus either.
I’m confused. A woman who is having an affair with a married man who has a preganant wife comes HERE seeking advice. Several posters respond that this kind of behavior is a bad thing (is this REALLY a debatable, vague issue)…?
Said posters are decried for “judging” the actions of the poster who seeked opinions…
I guess she only wants advice from those who agree with her…guess I misunderstood the original post…
<sigh>
Really, I think it’s up to them
to deside of what to do.
Not us here.
It’s there life.
If the marriged man whants to be with soda,
shall he just stay with he’s wife and don’t care
of what he feels.
Just pretending everything is right to his wife,
that is living on a lie.
…it just seems an inevitability that this kind of thread is doomed for a place in the Pit. A woman who comes to MPSIMS asking for compassion because she’s having an affair with a married man, whose wife is pregnant with their first child, is going to find there aren’t that many people willing to offer such compassion–even in MPSIMS.
Send it to the Pit so everyone can flame her? No. Send it there (or Great Debates) because the kind of passion it incites (both positive and negative) are both inevitable and inappropriate for this forum.
Just MHO.
Sorry if I wasn’t compassionate enough soda. I can see you are really torn up by this whole thing. How hard it must be for you to choose between doing what you WANT and doing what is RIGHT.
How we handle these kinds of dilemmas reveals our true character. Strong character comes from making hard choices. The responses you’ve gotten here accurately reflect how you will be percieved in real life when your choice is made.
I hope and pray for wisdom and compassion for you and for the mother of his child.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Anniz *
**
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by beagledave *
**
Well of course it’s up to soda to decide what to do. She came here asking for advice on WHAT to do. Several people gave her advice telling her what to do. Several people were decried for giving her advice telling her what to do (called sanctimonious…judgemental)…
Are people EVER allowed to say…(if asked, like in this case) “I think what you are doing is wrong, and here is why…”
Perhaps we should all just say “Why go ahead and do whatever feels good in your heart dear”, regardless of what we feel (or in some cases, it would appear from other posters’ comments, KNOW from personal experience)…
Speaking from past experience, where my ex did cheat on me while I was pregnant, it was a nightmare. Yes he told me about it when I was three months pregnant and even brought her to our home. His excuse for the affair was that he wasn’t ready for fatherhood (it was an unplanned pregnancy) and that he got scared. Strange thing is the woman he had an affair with had a 6 year-old child.
I hate to see you in this situation, soda. It’s gonna hurt someone in the end. My first inclination was to tell you to take the guy and run, get him away from that poor wife and child of his, because they certainly deserve better. But then you’d get stuck with the jerk and end up hurt too, when he goes off to find another toy.
Best of luck on the trail you decide on.
This situation has got “Bad” written all over it.
Take the time to really think about this, away from the hot emotions. Be absolutely sure that this is what you want to do, and be aware that at least three people out of the four will almost certainly get hurt in the long run.
One of the three is you.
Why don’t I send this to the Pit where it “belongs”? Because it doesn’t have to “belong” there. If you want to flame Soda for what you see as poor judgment you may, of course, start your own thread in the Pit. I’m not going to be the one to provide the vehicle for flaming her though. If things get out of hand here, I’ll merely close this thread and make the same suggestion I did above. That’s why I’m not moving this thread.
This thread is very interesting. I’m sorry I checked in so late, everyone has already said all the things I wanted to. Let me just add:
I’ve been cheated on.
It sucked.
I hated the other woman.
I have zero respect for cheaters.
I disagree with Uncle Beer about closing the thread.
I agree with Ruffian that it should be moved.
More importantly …one of the three is an innocent unborn kid
All right, I am going to be as nice as I can with this post, since it is my last post to soda.
Soda, while Swedan is not America, and I have no idea what the civil and family cours there are like, women are women. I will warn you of this, when your female friends discover this, be ready for them not to want you around their husbands. There is a woman I was friendly with for a long time, she was caught with a married man, I have wanted nothing to do with her since then, and I sure will not allow her within fifty feet of my husband.
That’s it, I’m done. Call me judgemental,or anything else you want. But I prefer not to deal with people who contiue in a relationship with a married man who has a pregnat wife, months break or no. And yes people , I do thake these kinds of things very personally.
I would give her a big hug, and if she needed it let her cry on me. I would tell her she’s a good person. I would tell her that I know how she must feel, and know a lot about the feeling of loving someone who is “forbidden fruit”.
And I would also tell her gently but firmly that she is wrong about this whole relationship. Good people do bad things sometimes. That does not necessarily make them bad people, but they should stop doing the bad things.
Soda, we haven’t met, but God, my heart goes out to you. I’m Walt, by the way. Listen, I can’t say this any better than anybody else on this post, but I want you to know that WE ARE HERE FOR YOU.
I think that, though you said you didn’t want advice, the fact remains that you told us about it, probably realizing that you were going to get it. Whether you take the advice or not, please, at least take the time to LISTEN to what people are saying here.
I’m not gonna pretend to know what you’re feeling, but this is obviously a very confusing situation. The only advice that I can offer is LISTEN TO YOUR HEART.
BUT.
Do NOT just listen to the part of your heart that is telling you that you love this man. You have to look even DEEPER, and really LISTEN to what your heart knows is true. If you look at this man, and your heart tells you that you can trust him %100, even after searching as deep as you can go, then maybe there is truth in it. BUT, if you really look deep, and see that your heart is telling you that there’s no way it can end well, then for God sakes, LISTEN TO IT. Don’t ignore it and hide in the part that loves him.
Feelings change, people change. Cheaters can shed their skins and become new people. BUT, you really need to LISTEN to what YOU know is true, not what this guy says, or even what everybody on this board says. Do what YOU feel, but do what you TRULY feel.
Me, I’m in your corner, for better or for worse. E-Mail me if you need to talk to somebody. Mojo530@aol.com
Where did I say that? I do believe (I repeat it) that the situation will end with a lot of heartbreak. If not for soda, then at least for the wife, and very probably the husband, if he still loves his wife even a little.
cmkeller, since I’m of the one that dislikes radio personality Laura Schlessinger, I decided to answer your post. I also disapprove of the harsh and judgmental tone that many of the posts here have taken. I support those no more than I support “Dr.” Laura.
Spider Woman:
One day later. Still think the general tone of this thread is more gentle than Doctor Laura?
Arnold: Obviously, I’m speaking to those who have dissed Dr. Laura and have posted harshly. Not to those, such as you, who have refrained from doing so.
Chaim Mattis Keller
I felt that I should attempt to see more of who you are, vs. relying on this thread. So, I did a search of your prior posts, and found you posted this:
**
in a thread about what having children mean to you. You posted that on 8/4.
according to the OP, your encounter with this man happened one week later. May I be so bold as to suggest, that maybe, just maybe, some of the passion you may be feeling may be more for the situation that he represents (loving family with child) than him? the timing alone may seem to indicate something.
Seriously. My tone may have been harsh (ok was harsh). I don’t know you, you know that - but look, I cared enough about what you might be doing to yourself to really put some time into checking out what was available to me.
maybe add this thought to the mixture?