Yes you do.
I’ve been a probation officer for 12 years. I’ve heard this all a hundred times. See you soon.
My dad went on antabuse or whatever it’s called when I was 10, and was sober for 12 years.
When I was 22 or so he started drinking again, mildly at first, a pint now and then, and explained that he’d realized that he hadn’t ever really been an alcoholic (that he’d been nagged into AA by puritanical wife, etc), or at least wasn’t anymore, and could totally drink socially and that it was under control and perfectly fine. Okee dokee! I thought. Drinking beer with my dad on Christmas-- awesome!
Within a couple of years it was again 12-pack-a-day-plus of the lowest end swill, badly hidden in the garage where he would retire for “a cigarette” every half hour or so, and be completely loaded and incoherent by noon.
Last summer he died very unpleasantly from lingering complications from alcohol-related acute pancreatitis, and I wish that when I was 22 I hadn’t believed him and had done whatever I could do to contribute to keeping him away from beer.
The fact that drinking is making PHYSICAL symptoms feel better is a really bad sign. Either you are still an alcoholic, or you have a mental disorder that is relieved by antagonizing your GABA receptors. In fact, alcoholism might as well be a GABA disorder.
What I’m hearing sounds a lot like OCD. And, yes booze will make that better, for a little while. But it’s not going to last. The people advocating CBT are spot on. But I’d also suggest considering even drug therapy. The antidepressants used to fight OCD happen to double as helping alcoholics. And even just plain anxiety, depression. It would really help you.
You make a big deal about how you “can’t get drunk”. If you weren’t an alcoholic, you could. You’re chasing the high, and finding it was not as good as it was before.
I think he is heading for an alcohol train wreck. People without a drinking problem don’t think about alcohol at all. Those that do are not going to do well.
As a co-leader of an anxiety support group, I agree with this completely. Men with anxiety disorders (of which Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is one) often self-medicate with alcohol. You don’t like AA, Fifty-Six, but have you considered trying an anxiety support group? You might find people more like you there.