[quote=“Broomstick, post:57, topic:509041”]
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Telling a grown man he needs to be spanked is low, and just mean.
I’m talking about a slap in the head, where did you get spanking from? 
No. He does not. That’s like saying “it will all work out for the best!” in a chirpy voice. He does NOT “have it made”. He’s not homeless and starving, either, but can we at least acknowledge that living with your parents at age 26 due to low wages and $70,000 in debt is NOT “having it made”? It’s not the worst situation, but it IS a bad one. Can we get a grip on reality here?
A grip on reality requires perspective. Bad situation? Yes. An unbearable situation? No. A situation in which the OP can’t imagine his life any worse? Well…he’s had several responses upthread that gave him scenarios far worse than his own. Now he has some idea of how much worse it could be. If it’s still too much for him to process, he should probably look into getting some advice on dealing with depression. There are a lot of us dealing with it and he’s not alone.
^ This is true. And if someone did lead him to believe that a degree equaled instant employment at high wages then that someone lied to him. Someone puts that idea in these kid’s heads, and that’s gotta stop. Because lies do hurt.
Come on. What institution worth tuition would promise a six figure job before the OP is thirty? And who would be fool enough to believe such a claim? No personal responsibility here? Did he do any research on the validity of that claim before signing on? I think I just read a news blip about some entitled twat who decided to sue her alma mater for her tuition because she didn’t have a magic job handed to her on the way out. You can call me a harsh bitch, but I’m teaching the young people in my life that they bear some responsibility for what they get out of life. Every inconvenience isn’t someone else’s fault, adults are supposed to learn from our mistakes and, yes, our uninformed choices.
No need to belabor it, just get a grip, accept it and move towards a solution. And try not to repeat it.
Or you could be in some European country with sufficient safety net that you won’t starve, you won’t be homeless, and you won’t die for lack of the money to get medical care. The US is not the paradise people think it is, it never was, and even less so now than 20 years ago. The idea that being an American is some sort of privilege and guarantee of happiness is a lie and just as pernicious as the one that says a college degree equals instant employment on graduation. The US is a country like any other, with good points and bad points. One of the bad points is that we treat anyone below a certain income level as human trash and debris, then scold them for not projecting blissful happiness. Can we stop that, please? It’s really repulsive.
I can’t tell if you’re suggesting I’m treating the OP as human trash and debris. If you are, then I’d suggest you re-read my post. He’s lucky to have what he has, period. He’s fed, has a home, and a job. Yes, there are many, many people in the USA who are severely underprivileged, but you’d have a hard time convincing me that bouv is one of them based on what he’s told us.
You know, I’d find it utterly creepy for a waiter I don’t know to start complimenting me on my outfit or hair color. Taking the umbrella or coat or whatever makes more sense. Can we keep it business and not personal? Thank you. I am paying for a service, not a friendship or commentary on my attire.
One can be positive and complimentary without being a creep. In fact, it’s a good social skill for a young man to hone and perfect, and one for women to encourage. Seriously, you have a problem with someone telling you that you look nice?
*Look, I don’t know what level of restaurant bouv is working in, but assuming it’s not fast food, he should remember he’s selling a service. I tip well for average waiters, I tip extraordinary for excellent ones, even in small greasy spoons. I can pick up when someone is having a bad day, but if that waiter still can munster a smile and take care of my table he’s done his job. Part of the job is acting - you are playing the role of Excellent Waiter even when your feet hurt and you’re tired or the boss or your co-workers gave you crap today.
Or other assets - we once “tipped” a waitress with a new computer - we were regulars, she had always given excellent service, and we heard she was interested in pursing another career for which a computer would be a great tool but she didn’t have the money to buy one. So, having an extra at home after upgrading our our computer system we refurbished and gave her our old one.
Cultivating regular customers is a wise career choice even for a waitress at a truck stop - doing so at a higher level restaurant is likewise.
Look, bouv may think waiting tables is a suck job. Not everyone is cut out for that job. Nonetheless, if you find yourself in such a job, one you aren’t suited for and don’t like, STILL try to do the very best you can. There will be other times in you life you face a similar situation, and practice in doing your best despite not liking circumstances will serve you well in life.*
Thank you. That’s what I’m trying to point out here - make the proverbial lemonade, big-picture style. He doesn’t have to like what he does, but he can certainly stop and consider how much more fucked he’d be without his waiter job.
No, it’s not. A job where you are required to suffer abuse and humiliation is not worthwhile. I’m not saying that bouv is in such a job, just that “every job is worthwhile” is another one of those well-meaning lies we tell young people. Can we stop doing that?
Where are you getting the abuse & humiliation stuff?
Any job that one individual will employ another to undertake is worthwhile, regardless of your personal perspective. Does the person who cleans the lavatory at the train station deserve our gratitude and respect? Yes indeed. There’s no “well-meaning lie” here, just another drop of reality. A gravedigger, a guy working construction, a waiter, a janitor, a dishwasher, whatever. All of these are jobs people get paid to do, jobs society needs people to do.
We don’t have to love doing these jobs and they’re probably not rewarding to the folks that do them (and speaking as a former do-er of some of the above-mentioned tasks, I can attest to that), however we can do our best at them and earn an honest wage doing them. There aren’t enough top-level jobs to go around, not everyone gets to be the CEO or Head Chef or Supermodel. We could be teaching young folks that there’s no shame in doing everyday work that needs doing.
Again, not sure how you are coming to these conclusions about abuse & humiliation?
Of course, if you ARE in a job that’s not worthwhile the solution is to do your best until you can find another one.
Er, yeah. What **broomstick **said.
*Oh, please - people DO need to vent their frustrations. If I couldn’t vent my frustration I’d explode. Better he do it on a message board than at a customer. *
Venting is certainly a good stress reliever, and yes, a message board is a good place to do it. However, there’s a limit to the productivity of venting if it’s not followed by an effort to change the situation. We can marinate in our hurt feelings and downer moods and spew bile until the cows come home, but that’s not going to get bouv out of his rut, is it? Sure, he’s distressed and down and miserable, but should he focus on his unhappiness and keep on the same track, stopping to punch phone poles on the way home each night? That’s not negating his feelings, it’s suggesting he work through them and move on.
As Uncle Brother Walker said upthread; NAME IT, CLAIM IT, DUMP IT. Get it out of your system and then start thinking about solutions. I’m probably as sick of hearing people drone on incessantly about how tough they have it and then not taking action as you are about what you perceive as scolding for negativity. When someone gasses on about their problems and takes no action then, yes, that is negativity, and people get sick of listening to it. I’m not suggesting that’s what bouv is doing, just replying to your insinuations.
bouv, things aren’t so good right now, but that can change. Keep a sense of humor and try to keep some perspective. You do sound very down, so keep talking to your people about it and get some counseling if you can.
Hang in there, and let us know how things turn out for you.
