I think my other posts are definitely more indicative of who I am than this one. Other than just being pissed about several things with her, I’ve been sick with a bad viral infection and some other stuff and am on meds that evidently make me a little loopy.
I’m definitely not one for mean girls drama, or drama of any kind, so this is not my usual type of problem. Again, we do party sometimes, but in the context of this story it was that first weekend and one other time when we all went out. In a span of five months. So I don’t really see that as a lot of “chasing drugs and partying.” Again, I should never have mentioned the drugs. I forget that a lot of people hear about one incidence of drug taking and assume that’s a person’s whole life.
Oh, and hell no did she ever get with my husband. I’m sure she’d love to, but he wouldn’t touch her with a ten foot pole if his life depended on it.
So a person who does coke a couple times a year can’t be someone who is in favor of women having good birth experiences? I’m not having any babies, nor am I a “party girl,” but I don’t see how one is even in the ballpark of the other.
I’m not telling everyone they should go out and take drugs, nor am I saying I frequently go out and take drugs. Not that it’s anyone’s business if I did. It’s kind of mind-boggling that people can’t seem to understand that.
Oh, and I wanted to add to the previous post that this was the first time she’d ever made comments like that about my husband. That was one of the biggest nails in the coffin of the friendship. And to re-iterate, because it seems necessary, I don’t intend to send her this letter or continue the friendship at this point.
Yeah, I said I was going to puke it all out of my system with a detailed rant and then delete her name from my vocabulary. No rent free livin’ for that biznatch.
Someone introduced me to Bright Eyes videos today, so I think that counts as happy things I can do while sick at home. I appreciate your comment, An Arky.
So the question comes back to why do you pursue or even tolerate a relationship with her? From the way you describe her most women would have drop kicked her into a dumpster way before now, and per your previous posts, you really have never come across as a person who tolerated people giving you a bunch of shit, yet here you are trying to get this hot mess to be your buddy.
Re the “drugs” thing you seem kind of put out about, most (obviously not all) adults leave coke behind by the time they get married and get more settled. To hear about a group of thirty somethings chasing down some recreational coke the way other people talk about buying some special wine or craft beer is kind of weird. Fairly or unfairly to a lot of people it has kind of a white trash vibe to it, and given your past posts it’s not really what people expected of you.
You’ve gone on at length at with considerable candor and honesty about your life as a stripper (or ex-stripper at this point) and how this is an adult choice that responsible and intelligent people are free to make and we should not judge people that choose to do that with tired stereotypes of drug using party girls, then you drop this post which sounds like a pitch perfect rendition of what people would expect from someone deeply embedded in leading a high drama, hard drug using, party-centric lifestyle.
We still love you, it’s just some cognitive dissonance.
Yeah, I can’t argue with any of that. I think I kept giving her chances because I know about things in her past that are so unbelievably awful, moreso than anyone I’ve ever known. There was childhood sexual abuse for over 10 years, and she got shot in an attempted robbery while she was 7 months pregnant and lost the baby. Knowing that stuff just ripped my heart out, and enabled me to overlook a lot of things I never would have with anyone else.
And the other thing about her is how we hit it off right off the bat and talked like old friends right from the beginning. I’ve rarely found that sort of friend in adulthood. And she is smart, sharp-witted, and uses humor as a defense mechanism for everything. Even the most irritated I ever got with her she could crack me the 'eff up like no one else. Something in that combination of things made me give her more chances that I would anyone else. It’s not rational, I know that.
The last thing I want to do is give the impression that we’re out running the streets in wifebeater t-shirts, drinking Mad Dog 20/20, and chasing drugs. I probably could have explained that either a little better, or left it out entirely. We don’t even drink regularly, so the idea that we’re living some crazy party lifestyle is kinda funny. And I see how some have connected it to the stripper thing, but I haven’t worked a shift in the club in almost a year, and this friend is not from that world at all.
Yeah, I’ve read the news articles from when it happened, and I’ve seen the awful, deep, scar that goes from her pubic bone vertically up to her sternum, with a gunshot hole right under her kidney through her back. And her whole personality is almost a textbook example of how people behave and think when they’ve been abused like that and never got any psychological help.
She’s a lot of things, but not a liar. This stuff came out gradually, and if she was making any of it up she deserves an academy award.
I don’t mean to jump on you here at all, but you say in this post that you only do coke “a couple times a year” yet here…
“We stayed up, did blow, and told stories and laughed and laughed. It couldn’t have gone better, IMO. So the next day when you contacted me about hanging out again, I was totally into it. And I had told B about you and he wanted to meet this great chick I kept talking about. So, we wanted to party and everyone was interested in procuring more drugs. The deal took quite a bit longer than expected, but I figured anyone whose ever dealt with drug people is aware that it can take forever. So I dropped you off with my husband and figured you guys would hang out however long it took. So after all the waiting, we all get in the Jeep and start heading back. Stll no sign at all of any issues or problems, why would there be? We go back to the house with you and start doing up the blow and talking crazy like coked up people do. We went home that night and were both thrilled to have met someone we both wanted to be friends with.”
In this quote you basically say you did coke on back-to-back nights. So are you done for the year now? No more coke til 2012? Or were your initial comments a tad understated?
I’m late to the party but I agree with curlcoat - if you send that letter, it’ll go public, she’ll post in on whatever group you’re both in on FB, and it’ll turn into the massive kind of mean-girls-drama that you already hate her for.
In fact, even just ignoring her, not picking her up, not returning her calls etc will cause another mini-round of drama while she bitches to your mutual friends about how awfully you’re treating her. Be prepared to smile, say nothing, and take the moral high ground till the others work the truth out for themselves, based on which one of you is acting like a crazed psycho-harpy and which one is acting sane & getting on with life!
No, I think she’s angry over a person who doesn’t make sense.
Individually, these things are insignificant. But as they accumulate, they go from minor irritations to major hatred. I think everyone’s been there with a particular person.
That said, I would have cut honey-chile out of my life way earlier in the relationship. I don’t suffer fools for very long. Life is way too long or short (depending on your perspective) to deal with someone else’s madness.
Indygrrl, I’m not going to sit in judgment of you about your recreational drug use. I do, however, think it’s more than a “couple of times of year” thing. And you have a little girl, correct? The dangers of what you’re doing aside, there’s the legal ramifications. Please consider paring back a little at least for her sake.
