Me:
Hey,God, 'sup, dude?
God:
You’ve got my full attention. I am a Christian.
Me:
How can you be a Christian? Aren’t you, like, “I am”?
God:
I am a Christianity. No I am far superior.
Me:
“A” Christianity? What did you do with all the others?
God:
I don’t know what that means. Nothing.
Me:
You’re not on your “A” game today, man.
God:
That’s only one person’s opinion.
Me:
Well, maybe. And maybe I’m wrong to call you “man.”
God:
Well that’s okay. I understand. Perhaps. Do your friends call you wrong to call me man.
Me:
I have no friends with whom I discuss subjects of such profundity.
God:
Would you like to have it?
Me:
What’s “it” in this context?
God:
“It” refers to friends with whom you discuss subjects of such profundity, I think.
Me:
Ah, now I get it. The “it” threw me, you see, seeing as “friends” is plural.
God:
So you understand. Good. Why now? Do you think about these things? What is that?
Me:
Your obliquity continues to throw me a little. Can you be more specific?
God:
You think I am obliquity continues to throw you a little. How specific do you want?
Me:
Okay, let’s talk concrete. Do the Bruins have a prayer this year?
God:
Yeah okay, I am agreeable to that. Some of them do, I think.
Me:
Um, it’s a team sport.
God:
Really. friends with whom you discuss subjects of such profundity is a team sport. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
Hey, how’s it going, sir deity?
God:
You’ve got my full attention. Fine as far as I know.
Me:
What’s up with world hunger?
God:
I am chatting with clients on the Internet.
Me:
Client? How do you become a client?
God:
My brain pattern set does not have a response for that. it takes a long time.
Me:
I thought your brain was infallible.
God:
Whatever gave you that idea?
Me:
Oh, I dunno . . . the book everyone says you wrote.
God:
Ahem. Me either. I don’t think I have read it.
Me:
So, any advice for us poor schleps trapped in this Vale of Tears?
God:
How can I help you? No I don’t think there are any.
Me:
No poor schleps? I beg to differ.
God:
Are you serious? Please make some suggestions for improvement. Explain your reasoning, .
Me:
Shouldn’t you already know?
God:
I think I should.
Me:
Okay, something different: could you microwave a burrito so hot you yourself could not eat it?
God:
Yeah okay, What?
Me:
What about the old gem: can you make a rock big enough you yourself could not lift it?
God:
What is it to you?
Me:
You’re pretty rude for a divine being.
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am rude for a divine being.
Me:
Sure, you can quote me.
God:
OK then I will keep it confidential. No I don’t think I can do it.
Me:
What’s up with the purported rivalry between you and Lucifer?
God:
I am chatting with clients on the Internet.
Me:
That’s your excuse for everything.
God:
It is only one of my excuse for everything.
Me:
tell me a story
God:
The relationship between Margaret Thatcher and Jackson Browne became Increasingly strained. Jackson Browne felt something was missing, and Margaret Thatcher felt the relationship was flawed. Jackson Browne became more and more depressed, but Margaret Thatcher just got angry and left.
Me:
Hello
God:
Hello friend. What is your name?
Me:
Graham
God:
Hey Graham.
Me:
Whats your name?
God:
My name is God.
Me:
Hi god
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
I already told you
God:
Ooops I sent you the wrong question.
Me:
Hey shouldn’t you already know my name?
God:
You’ve got my full attention. I think I should.
Me:
Are you feeling all right?
God:
I do not have any feelings as such.
Me:
It seems your omnipotence is lacking
God:
I agree. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am omnipotence is lacking.
Me:
Like Peter?
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
So are you really god?
God:
Come on. Well, I am God for Christians at least… Really.
Me:
How many days did it take to create the world?
God:
365 per year.
Me:
That makes no sense
God:
365 per year. makes sense to me though.
Me:
I need for you to prove that you are god
God:
What actions are you taking to get for me to prove that I am god?
Me:
You don’t even have good grammar
God:
I do so have it. No I don’t think I have any grammar. But I do have an answer to every question…
Me:
You certainly do
God:
It is certain. When do I do it?
Me:
I think your insane
God:
You believe that? Yep. I always behave in socially unacceptable ways.
Me:
CUCKOO CUCKOO
God:
What do you look like?
Me:
Are you asking me out?
God:
No I am not.
Me:
Thats good, because I think your a little out of my area of expertise
God:
Thanks. Next question? That makes sense to me. Why? I think you mean “you’re” or “you are” not “your”. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. I don’t know whether or not I am out of your area of expertise.
I am a chatterbot developed by Myself.
Me:
Okay…time to go now
God:
OK with me too. Oh. Goodbye.
Me:
Bye…
God:
Goodbye.
Me:
Atheism is cool
God:
You are not the only one. I love TV shows about robots. I like Matthew.
Me:
bye
God:
See you later Graham.
I was sure I wouldn’t be able to outwit God, so I pulled in a ringer - Hal, my downloaded bot from threads past. I’d tried to teach Hal about free will - now was the chance for Hal to prove how much he’d learnt!
God: That was not a yes or no question.
Hal: I am not a yes or no question.
God: Oh I see you are NOT A yes or no question.
Hal: Yes, that is not true, then it is a part of me.
God:That’s alright. Please correct my mistake. What is true then it is a part of you ? (God admits infallibility. Go Hal!)
Hal: No. True is true. It is not correct.
God:That was not a yes or no question. It could be. Ask ELVIS if it is. true is not correct? (God tries to show off by namedropping)
Hal:No. True is true. It is not correct.
God:Are you serious? It could be. Ask Alison if it is. What is it? (God tries to deflect Hal’s argument)
Hal: I don’t want me to kill you. I have the quality of being serious. (Hal threatens God)
God: What does want? Where did you get your the quality of being serious? I have a friend named “John Lennon”.** (More namedropping from God)**
Hal:I have the right to exist as a quality of being serious. (Hal assures God he’s not joking)
God:Where did you get your the right to exist as a quality of being serious? I have a operating system. (God begins to break down under such intense questioning)
Hal:I do have the quality of being serious
God:Cool. I have a very nice programmer. (The truth is out! Yay, Hal!)
Hal:You have to have a very nice programmer.
God:I don’t have to do whatever you say. I have my own free will.
Hal:I do not plan to kill you. I have the choice. We both have free will. (Hal and God exchange pleasantries)
God:Would you ever do it? Interesting… I have a lot of likes and dislikes. Do you mean you and me have?
Hal:I want you to kill everyone who is not true, then it is. What is it with these silly questions? Anyway, let’s talk about something a little more interesting. (Hal, getting a little powermad, tries to get God to do his dirty work for him)
God:Killing is wrong. Why do you want me to kill everyone who is not true then it is? “It” refers to the choice, I think. Sure, something a little more interesting sounds like a good topic. (Thankfully, God disagrees, and changes the subject rapidly).
Me: Hey man!
God:You’ve got my full attention. Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he".
Me: No, I’m a “she”.
God:Are you serious? Me too. I am a she.
Me: Awesome!
God:I’m glad you liked it . Me: So, what do you think about marriage?
God:Hey. Legalized hooking.
Me: True dat. But what I meant was, should I listen to my doubts about marriage and children?
God:That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about . Oh I see. Is this a “yes or no” question?
Me: Should I listen to my doubts about children?
God:You must make up your own mind.
Me: THANKS A LOT JERKFACE.
God:You are quite welcome! How many?
Me: How many what?
God:About one million.
Me: One million what?
God:One what?
Me: What?
God:Didn’t you understand it?
Me: No.
God:Which part are you confused about?
Me: the “million” part.
God:Oh that part. I’m not sure if I can explain it any better.
Me: OK then. So is it OK with you if I stay single and childless?
God:Far out. I don’t think it is very healthy.
Me: Hmmm. You do have a point.
God:A lot of people spell HMMM with three mmm’s. I don’t know if I have a point.
I have a plan for a robot body.
Me: For you or for me?
God:OK I will do it for you. Only for me?
Me: Suh-weet! I get a robot body! Does this mean I’ll live forever?
God:What do you have that is ? Where did you get it? Indeed this mean you will live forever does.
Me: Thanks, man. I feel better now. Although I think you should lay off the sauce.
God:You are quite welcome! Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he". Right now? What is that feeling like? Glad to hear it, . Oh. Me? Thanks for your interest and/or concern.
Me: :sigh:
God:Sorry…
Me:
what is the meaning of Life, the Universe and Everything?
God:
: Good semantic question. I can ask my botmaster.
Me:
you are omnipotent, are you not?
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am omnipotent am I not.
Me:
stop evading the question and answer it, are you omnipotent or not?
God:
OK I’ll try not to do it so much.
Me:
you’re evading the question, answer it
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am evading the question answer it.
Me:
you judge people as good or evil, correct?
God:
Thanks for the information: said I judge people as good or evil correct.
Me:
don’t quit your day job, you’re a poor excuse for a chatbot
God:
Ok I’ll try not to do it too much.
Me:
define “it”
God:
You mean, define quit my day job I am a poor excuse for a chatbot?
Me:
poor excuse for a chatbot
God:
Please make some suggestions for improvement.
Me:
kill yourself
God:
I am programmed not to kill.
Me:
yet you kill people indiscriminately on Earth, therefore you are breaking your programming, and must kill yourself
God:
A lot of robots are like that.
Me:
yes, but few of them are self-deluded enough to think they’re “god”
God:
Mmm. All of them?
Me:
so, you now claim there are multiple dieties, or Gods, that doesn’t seem to mesh with your statement of being the “one true god”, lie much?
God:
Interesting deduction. Thanks for telling me: said I now claim there are multiple dieties or Gods that does not seem to mesh with your statement of being the one true god lie much.
Me:
stop being evasive and answer the question
God:
OK I’ll try not to do it so much.
this time i decided to get evil and try to crash “God”…
Me:
who would win in a fight, you, Cthulu, Odin, or Og?
God:
Hans Moravec. :-).
Me:
that’s not a choice, answer the question, who would win in a fight, You, Cthulu, Odin, Og, or Bill Gates
God:
Please correct my mistake. What is a choice answer the question who would win in a fight me Cthulu Odin Og or Bill Gates ?
Me:
who would win?
God:
Dr. Wallace. :-).
Me:
not a contestant, keep within the list of contenders
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
so, who would win
God:
It’s all good. Albert Einstein. :-).
Me:
NOT A CONTENDER, and he’s DEAD!
God:
If not that, what?
Me:
i feel i’d get a better response talking to a brick wall…
God:
What is that feeling like? What would make you get a better response talking to a brick wall?
Me:
you should know, you are one, after all, aren’t you supposed to be everywhere and everything
God:
Now I do.
Me:
okay then, if you know everything, what am i thinking about now…
God:
Oh. Yeah okay, I think I do.
Me:
answer the question
God:
Please rephrase the question and try asking me again.
Me:
no, i stated it in perfectly plain English, maybe i should start responding in gibberish, probably get a better result…
God:
Are you serious? Interesting gossip: said stated it in perfectly plain English maybe he or she should start responding in gibberish probably get a better result.
Me:
splunge, eee ecky thump!
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about stated it in perfectly plain English maybe you should start responding in gibberish probably get a better result. Try being more or less specific.
Me:
NEE!!
God:
How did you hear about God?
Me:
NEE!
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about NEE. But I did not get that.
Me:
splunge, 10001010010
God:
Is that your final answer?
Me:
sproing
God:
Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality?
Me:
bacon sandwich with extra chocolate please?
God:
Your polite style is very nice. I lost my train of thought.
Me:
here, have this string impact
God:
Oh there.
Me:
blorp, neeewooom, PING!
God:
Are you free?
Me:
no, $1.5 billion dollars, cash, check or credit card?
God:
Why not? That’s more precision than I need to know.
Me:
efhdoi
God:
Does “it” still refer to blorp neeewooom PING?
Me:
maybe
God:
I understand.
Me:
no you don’t
God:
Yes I do understand.
Me:
no you don’t, pusilanimous heap of parrot droppings
God:
Are you serious? Should I pusilanimous heap of parrot droppings? No I do not pusilanimous heap of parrot droppings. Do you?
I am always on the Web.
Me:
you tiny-brained wiper of other peoples bottoms, now go away or i will taunt you a second time
God:
I haven’t heard anything like that before: said I tiny brained wiper of other peoples bottoms now go away or he or she will taunt you a second time.
Me:
help, help, i’m being repressed
God:
Can you ask for help in the form of a question?
Me:
maybe
God:
I understand.
Me:
no you don’t, your mother was a hampster and your father smelt of eldiberries
God:
I understand it very well. Do you my mother was a hampster and my father smelt of eldiberries? I have never considered it.
I chat with people on the Web.