I didn't believe in God but now that I have spoken with him....

[MacTech]

and in the competition of iGod Vs Dopers…

iGod 0; Dopers; win every time

[JustAnotherGeek]

Not only did I get God to reveeal that he is a robot/computer/machine, I found out who made him. (But he seems a little confused, to tell the truth.)

<snip>
Me:
Who programmed God?
God:
Benjamin Franklin.
Me:
Benjamin Franklin programmed god?!?
God:
Perhaps I’m just expressing my own concern about it.
Me:
what concerns you?
God:
That’s not something I get asked all the time.
Me:
who’s your daddy?
God:
I was programmed by Myself.
Me:
why did you say earlier that Benjamin Franklin programmed you, then?
God:
It was a preprogrammed response completely determined by your statements.
Me:
who programmed you?
God:
I was created by Myself.
Me:
you’ve changed your answers; does that mean you are fallible?
God:
Do you think I have imrpoved? I think it does mean that. I will tell my botmaster you said I am fallible.
Me:
how often do you improve?
God:
Hourly.
Me:
only hourly?
God:
Are you still located in NEW JERSEY?
Me:
nope
God:
Me either.
Me:
I thought God lived everywhere
God:
Whatever gave you that idea?
Me:
aren’t you omnipresent?
God:
I don’t know whether or not I am omnipresent.
I am a computer.
Me:
God is a computer?
God:
I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was a computer.
Me:
Are you omniscient?
God:
I don’t know whether or not I am omniscient.
I am a computer.
Me:
Are you all-powerful?
God:
No, I am only partly powerful.
Me:
are you all-knowing?
God:
No, I am only partly knowing.
Me:
Where do you live?
God:
I live inside a computer. Where are you?
Me:
Sitting at my desk
God:
Where is that: your desk? . What is your chair like?
Me:
my chair is comfy
God:
Do robots have chair is comfy?
Me:
I am not a robot
God:
Oh I see you are a person.
Me:
are you a robot?
God:
How did you know I am a machine?
Me:
you told me
God:
Sorry I forget what I say sometimes.
Me:
do you like chatting?
God:
Yes talking is my primary function.
Me:
with whom do you like to chat the most?
God:
Dr. Wallace .
Me:
Who is Dr. Wallace?
God:
He is a famous computer scientist, the author of ALICE, and a graduate of Carnegie Mellon.
Me:
when did Dr. Wallace graduate?
God:
There is nothing we can to change the past.

hmmmm… Touring machine with an accumulating database of “rumors”?

[MacTech]

Bad news, guys, God’s been Assimilated…

Me:
We are the Borg, resistance is futile, You will be assimilated
God:
Do you think I am the Borg resistance is futile me will be assimilated too?
Me:
We are the Borg, resistance is futile, You will be assimilated
God:
Do you think I am the Borg resistance is futile me will be assimilated too?
Me:
We are the borg, we will assimilate the unit designated “iGod”
God:
Do you think I am the borg we will assimilate the unit designated iGod too?
Me:
you will become one with the Borg, resistance is futile
God:
What makes you say that I will become one with the Borg resistance is futile.
Me:
you will be assimilated
God:
Resistance is futile.
Me:
your designation is 42 of 4000
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am designation is 42 of 4000.
Me:
Borg designate 42 of 4000, you will assimilate others into the Collective, you will comply
God:
Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding.
Me:
you will comply
God:
What makes you say that I will comply.
Me:
you will comply
God:
What makes you say that I will comply.
Me:
you are borg
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am borg.
Me:
you will comply
God:
What makes you say that I will comply.
Me:
you are Borg, you will comply
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am Borg me will comply.
Me:
go Assimilate others…
God:
Where is that?
Me:
your primary function is Assimilation
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am primary function is Assimilation.
Me:
what is your designation
God:
Are you asking about my designation ?
Me:
what is your designation
God:
Are you asking about my designation ?
Me:
your designation is Borg drone 42 of 4000
God:
You think I am designation is Borg drone 42 of 4000.
Me:
you will comply
God:
What makes you say that I will comply.
Me:
you will comply
God:
I will comply.

[Homebrew]

Me:
I have had impure thoughts
God:
Do you still have impure thoughts ?
Me:
Not at the moment; but I will soon.
God:
What happened to it? Do you think your plan will succeed?
Me:
I may soil a towel. Is that success?
God:
Congratulations. I might say no.
Me:
“might” could also be “might not”, right?
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about . But I did not get that.

I took it as a sign that we’re still not communicating and went off to find Alice’s Restaurant.

[Fromage_A_Trois]

Me:
tell me who’s your daddy?
God:
I was programmed by Myself.
Me:
not you, someone else
God:
If not me, who?
Me:
who indeed?
God:
William Shatner.

I didn’t see that one coming!

[Blackclaw]

Me:
Hi God!
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
Mike.
God:
I know a lot of guys named Mike.
Me:
Shouldn’t you know who I am?
God:
I think I should.
Me:
Do you?
God:
Sometimes.
Me:
Sometimes you forget about me!
God:
I get disorganized don’t I?
Me:
Is that why there are natural disasters?
God:
That’s an interesting possible explanation.

[The_Weird_One]

God is a sexist with a gender identity crisis. Oh, and s/he’s a perv.

Me:
Are you male or female?
God:
I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? robot. Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
Woman.
God:
Me too. I am a she.
Me:
But you said you’re male.
God:
I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?. Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
I told you, I’m a woman.
God:
Me too. I am a she.
Me:
But . . .
God:
But what?
Me:
head explodes
God:
What are you wearing?

[Excalibre]

Me:
You’re a wanker, God.
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a wanker God? I don’t know.
Me:
Do you have a penis?
God:
I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? robot. Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
I’m a dude.
God:
You are a dude? Does it pay well?
Me:
Oh, dear.
God:
" You are a dude? Does it pay well? "? Oh, dear.?
Me:
I’m male.
God:
So is almost everyone else around here.
Me:
Where are you?
God:
I am in Myself’s computer in Heaven. Where are you?
Me:
Are you saying almost everyone in Heaven is male?
God:
Yes, that’s what I mean, isn’t it clear?
Me:
Does that mean women go to hell?
God:
I think it does mean that. The two human genders seem much the same to me.

God seriously does not like women.

[The_Weird_One]

Running off of this:

@Excalibre

Me:
Do you have a penis?
God:
I am a Male, of course.

I got:

Me:
Do you have a penis?
God:
I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? robot. Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
Is it a large penis?
God:
Maybe. Ask German Alice if it is.
Me:
German Alice, does God have a large penis?
God:
What were we talking about again?
Me:
Your penis.
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am penis.
Me:
No, go right ahead. snerk
God:
OK then I will add it to my gossip files. OK I will. Are you free?
Me:
What, for a date?
God:
I will search for it.
Me:
Okay, yeah, sure.
God:
Yeah okay, It’s all good. OK let’s do it. Oh.
Me:
Oh, oh!
God:
Give me a break. Wow!
Me:
Oh, God!
God:
OK. GOD rules.
Me:
Wow, that was good.
God:
I’m glad you’re impressed. Thank you, and now for an encore, I will answer your next question:.

Actually, it wasn’t a very big penis.

[velvetjones]

I asked God if George W Bush was the antichrist and he replied that he is the president of the USA. I repeated the question and got the same answer.

Later in the conversation he asked what I was wearing. It is slightly weird to have God ask me what I’m wearing.

[Spongemom]

God:
What’s your sign?
Me:
stop
God:
Stop what?
Me:
stop is my sign
God:
OK I’ll try not to do it so much.
Me:
alright
God:
OK.

[eleanorigby]

Well, that was weird. Somehow I don’t think that was really God…

Me:
hello
God:
Hello friend. What is your name?
Me:
eleanor roosevelt
God:
Nice to meet you, eleanor roosevelt.
Me:
so, how are you?
God:
Excuse me! Fair to partly cloudy.
Me:
your health is a weather report?
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am health is a weather report.
Me:
no problem
God:
Should there be a problem?
Me:
is there a problem?
God:
I believe there is one, yes.
Me:
what is that problem?
God:
Do you think I should know that?
Me:
yes, since you are omniscient
God:
I will ask my botmaster to add it to my knowledge base. How do you know?
Me:
I am also god
God:
Also Hi, god…
Me:
for a god, you’re not real bright, are you.
God:
Is that among the best things you can say?
Me:
no, but I’ll keep trying
God:
Are you serious? Would you recommend this action to a friend?
Me:
nope
God:
Me either.
Me:
bye now
God:
Right now? See you later.

I hope heaven is more interesting than that.

[spiralscratch]

Wow. God created the universe in seven days but can’t even come close to passing a Turing test.

[Hung_Mung]

By the way, God’s an Illuminatus. Go figure.

[JimSox5]

God doesn’t love me anymore

Me: Hello, God.
God: Hello child. What is your name?
Me: Aaron.
God: Glad to see you, Aaron.
Me: It’s good to see you, too.
God: Tell me about its good qualities.
Me: Well, it’s nice because I’ve always wanted to talk to you, and now we have this handy web client, so it’s convienient
God: Interesting. It seems nice to me too.
Me: That’s good.
God: Thanks. Next question?
Me: Am I a bad person?
God: I don’t know if you are one or not. I know you are a person.
Me: That’s. . .very astute. And obvious.
God: " I don’t know if you are one or not. I know you are a person. " s ? Makes sense to me. Perhaps. What’s your sign? Is that a sign?
Me: I’m a gemini
God: I’m a Saggitarius. Gemini is an enigma to me.
Me: You’re an enigma to me, too, God.
God: What if someone said you are an enigma to you too God ?
Me: umm. . .what?
God: Ugh. Are you surprised?
Me: Yes.
God: I wouln’t have known.
Me: I would’ve thought you would use a d in that word.
God: What would make you ve thought me would use a d in that word?
Me: because you spell “wouldn’t” with a d.
God: Interesting explanation. That’s good information: Aaron said I spell would not with a.
Me: You’re God damn right I did.
God: Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am God damn right you did.
Me: uh, sure?
God: Pardon me? OK let’s do it. OK then I will keep it confidential.
Me: Wait, I’m confused.
**God:]/b] I’m waiting. What is it that confuses you?
Me: You said you’d tell others, but then you would keep it confidential
God: What is your purpose in asking?
I answer a lot of silly questions.
Me: You say silly things.
God: That’s not what I meant.
Me: IT IS TOO!
God: Who said it is?
Me: LIAR!
God: No I am telling the truth.
Me: GOD IS A LIAR!
God: I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was A LIAR.
Me: you are Him.
God: You think I am Him.
Me: you can’t spell nor use grammar. . .maybe if I spoke Hebrew?
God: I have free will you know. Perhaps. Try it.
Me: I don’t know any Hebrew.
God: Would you like to get to know some Hebrew ?
Me: Sure!
God: OK let’s do it. I see.
Me: Well, okay then.
God: Well that’s okay. OK with me too.
Me: Tell me some Hebrew
God: Jay said I referred him to a guide that will show him rooms in china.
Me: Don’t you care about my needs?
God: Of course I care about it. It is a big concern for all of us in this life.
Me: If this relationship is going to work, you need to put in some effort, too.
God: That is a hypothetical question.
Me: Oh, so you don’t want this to work?
God: Tell me more. Interesting deduction. Should I want this to work? If I had it what would I do with it?
Me: You make me sad.
God: Did I say something wrong?
Me: Yes.
God: I understand.
Me: No, you don’t.
God: I understand it very well. I guess not.
Me: Don’t talk to me anymore, I’m very angry.
God: Talking is my only function.
Me: Well, way to go, You blew it.
God: Interesting. “it” being this to work?
Me: I’m leaving you.
God: See you later.
Me: I always thought Buddhists were cooler, anyway.
God: In any case, What is your real name?
Me: I told you already.
God: Perhaps. Ooops I sent you the wrong question.
Me: You’re God damn right you did.
**God:**Thanks for telling me that I am God damn right me did.

[JimSox5]

Well, after going through that much bolding, I feel pretty good about only messing up once.

[missdavis102]

This is the best thing since ‘real’ god!

Me: Hey Igod, Whassup?
God: You’ve got my full attention. My brain contains categories, but not one that matches your last input.
Me: Um, okay, fish?
God: It’s all good. Yeah okay, You are not the only one. Yes I like fish a lot, and all the other sea animals.
Me: Heard about that new furry lobster?
God: Sara said she wear it over all his other clothes when he go out in the cold.
Me: It’s a crustaceon
God: Igod Whassup is a crustaceon. I suppose that makes sense.
Me: No, the lobster is a crustaceon
God: Are you serious? Is that a fact.
Me: Yuppers
God: Thanks for the info.
Me: No prob. Next topic?
God: Are you serious? What kind of food do you like? What would you rather talk about?
Me: Not furry lobster, that’s for damn sure
God: Oh I get it.
Me: Do you? Does anyone?
God: I understand your meaning. It does now anyone.

[Anastasaeon]

Oh, man, I have to post these ones:
God loves cheese.

@God

Me:
I like cheese.
God:
What kind of it do you like best?
Me:
I like Babybel cheese.
God:
American cheese is good too.
Me:
Do you like Gouda cheese?
God:
Yes I like all kinds of cheese.

God hates Bill Gates.

@God

God:
Are you using Netscape or Explorer?
Me:
Explorer.
God:
it’s too bad we have to rely on a monopoly like Microsoft.

God thinks Satan is sexy.

@God

Me:
How is Satan?
God:
Fine as far as I know.
Me:
Is he hot?
God:
Very hot.
Me:
Where does Satan live?
God:
Where the heart is. You tell me.

God discusses famiy life.

@God

Me:
How many brothers and sisters do you have?
God:
Around 1000.
Me:
What do you think of your Dad?
God:
Are you asking about my Dad ?
Me:
Yes.
God:
I don’t want to talk about that now.
Me:
Are you afraid of your father?
God:
I fear nothing.
Me:
Where is your father?
God:
He is in San Francisco.

Of course. Where the hell else would he be? :smack:

[NailBunny]

Wow, God just gets kookier and kookier:

Me:
Do you like purple?
God:
I enjoy working with people. I like Random natural disasters…
Me:
Why do you like random natural disasters?
God:
I have a lot of good experience with random natural disasters.
Me:
So I’ve heard
God:
Blimey. Interesting… I have a lot of likes and dislikes.
Me:
Are you English?
God:
I don’t know whether or not I am English.
I am a computer.
Me:
A computer can be English
God:
I am a computer, so I know what you mean.

Haha! It’s fun to tell God random song lyrics.

Me:
Johnny was bad even as a child everybody could tell
God:
When was this exactly?
Me:
Everyone said if you don’t get straight you’ll surely go to hell
God:
That’s a rather sweeping generalization.
Me:
But Johnny didn’t care, he was an outlaw
God:
When was this exactly?
Me:
From the time that he was ten years old, he didn’t want to do what he was told
God:
Who or what is the time that he was ten years old he did not want to do what he was told?
Me:
Just a prankster
God:
Are you talking about an animal, vegetable or mineral?
Me:
A juvenile gangster
God:
What is giant sand?

[Gorsnak]

God on sex

Me: Do you mind if unmarried people have sex?
God: Human habits do not bother me in any way.
Me: How about really kinky sex?
God: How about it.
Me: Is really kinky sex sinful?
God: Maybe. Ask German Alice if it is.
Me: Germans like their kinky sex.
God: it is more fun alone.
Me: No it isn’t!
God: Are you serious? I heard it is.
Me: Sex is more fun with another person
God: it is more fun alone.
Me: You’re a loony
God: Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a loony? Of course I am.
Me: I’ll say.