I do NOT deserve days like this!!

The BBQ Pit
1

Mama told me there’d be days like this, but this is the living end! So I went out last night, sue me, to the Duplex – and who do I meet, not one, not two, but three of my exes! And they were all talking about me of course, who wouldn’t, I’m fabbbulous. Have you seen my abs? Well, they have, and trust me! One of these guys, I haven’t seen him for weeks! And he’s still flapping his gums about how I mistreated him. Anyhow, we made up over daquiris, and we went to Hotel W, and the Glass Slipper, and the Mott St. Karaoke – I do a Fixx tune and well one thing lead to another… cough… yeah, with all three.

Dear fucking straight assholes – it was mostly safe, ok? Allright, the poppers got a little out of hand, but we all get by with a little help from our friends…

Anywho, so we’re all cuddling, except for Edward who took the couch, and who walks in! Yes, my current boyfriend, back early from his shoot in Toronto a day early!! Fuck you, Spielberg, you’ve WRECKED MY LIFE. In the chaotic scramble for the exits, my now-ex snorts “What, you didn’t get the WHOLE football team?” Whatta jerk – like he we all haven’t done the same.

Lousy way to start the day, right? So to top it all off, when I regale my coworkers this morning with my daily tale of woe, this cunt, Marcia, has the nerve to roll her eyes. It was almost unnoticeable, but it was there. Everyone else was cracking up – why do I go through these tribulations if not to amuse everyone around me with my crackling blue wit? I’m thinking about sending her up on charges – and Neil – his nose twitched when I started talking about sexual positions. Neil, I love ya, but lighten up, mmk?

But Marcia, I don’t know what to do with her. I’ve told her to sit on a barbed wire butt-plug, and to get laid, but she still hasn’t paid ANY ATTENTION TO ME ALL DAY. The nerve of some people! I had to open up two more chat threads, start 4 IM sessions and buy three more mirrors just to stabilize my ego.

She’s homophobic, right? How could she not lavish attention over someone as fabulous as me? Her attacks are hurting my immune system. Plus which these paraplegic-fucking sites I’ve been looking at all afternoon are making me nauseous. I just sneezed on my keyboard and monitor and had to get Neil to clean them up. Neil is Irish and hot as pancake batter – I wonder if he’d go home sick with me, and tend to my needs, like licking strawberry jam off my nipples. I’m sure he would. Has he seen my abs?

-A.O.S

2

I’m assuming I’m being whooshed. If not, dude, you need to do some serious re-evaluating.

3

Link?

4

I’ma thinkin’ somebody’s trying to be sarcastic.
How droll.

5

As with the rest, I do hope this is just another joke thread.

6

I feel like I just read a Brett Easton Ellis novel.

7

::blink::
::blink blink::

8

I was thinking Jay McInerney, but without all the cocaine and hookers.

9

So, I’m guessing this is the total wrong thread to ask this in, but what the hell are poppers?

10

If you do a quick search on poppers, you’ll find the other thread that says what they are and is partly the basis for this one.

11

Got it. Thanks Wikkit. Oh, how I love parody threads with NO FUCKING LINKS.

Didn’t we just have forty bajillion separate threads about this, um, yesterday?

12

Well.

This seems rather mean.

Doing a parody to point out the fallacy of someone’s argument is one thing.

This is something else entirely.

13

Well, fuck Jack Chick with a Carrot Top dildo! These parody threads are enough to make the baby Jesus cry. Personally I think they’re just another tool of the SDMB clique[sup]1[/sup] used to make poor newbies feel out of it. May Og smite whoever started it and may the Invisible Pink Unicorn bless whoever brings it all to a merciful end.

Hi Opal!
[sub]1 - First rule of the SDMB clique. You do NOT talk about the SDMB clique![/sub]

14

I thought he meant jalapeno poppers.
I hate being the innocent one.

15

If the trollish, asshole Ace0Spades is in the the clique, I’ll quit the board.

16

Ace0spades, we have pretty much exhausted this topic.

As a writer of parody threads, you are no Libertarian or Fenris. You’ve simply exhumed a dead horse – scott evil’s old thread – for the purposes of getting people upset and pushing your patented, over-the-top, homophobic trash.

I thought you’d learned. After watching you attack gay adoption twice, you at least had the good sense to take someone else to task for throwing around the word “faggot.” Obviously you’re still the neanderthal you were in the gay adoption thread.

17

How 'bout we start giving official warnings to people who start parody threads but don’t mention what’s being parodied?

18

I’m not Fenris or Libertarian – ouch! Well, in my defense few are. You might check graph #5 again for better insight.

19

I vote we give warnings to those who ask to give other people warnings.

[Ace gives himself a warning]

20

A bit of friendly advice to A0S: quit while you’re ahead. Or are you behind? Hard to tell from here.