Goddamn all you girls with your fucking BOYFRIENDS!

The BBQ Pit
1

No (low) ratings, please. This isn’t even a rant so much as a lament. And you know you can always trust your pal White Lightning to put the “LAME” in “lament.”

(Disclaimer: if anything I say in this post is taken to be offensive to females of any sort, please un-take it that way. It’s not meant in that light. I worship women. On the other hand, anything I say that is taken to be offensive to hot girls’ punk-ass boyfriends, please take that one all the way to the bank. Fuck you guys.)

So anyway, right. I say, all you girls with your bastard boyfriends can go to hell. How can I be only 20 and already feel like all the good ones are taken? Today my friend told me, “yeah, these days you have to either be a girl-stealer or a vulture.” What is the deal here?

So, I’ve been flirting with you at work for more than a week, right. I know you know. I’m pretty sure you know I know you know. That’s fine. So today I decide I will get up the nerve to get your number, because my friend’s party is coming up and i really want you to come. (because you’re fucking HOT, you bitch, and nice too. and interesting. Fuck!) So I come in, ostensibly to find someone to cover my shift tomorrow, and hang around for almost a half hour for no reason! Then I ask you (lamely) if I could get your number “and maybe, uh, give you a call sometime.” Thank you for not saying “Well what else would you do with my number, you fuckwad,” but did you have to stick the knife into my chest with that same sweet smile that made my heart turn over the first time i saw you walk through the door of my store?

And that was supposed to be my reward for handling that last situation so well (That girl with the same NAME as the first girl, so i KNEW we were going to work out). That girl at that party who I really clicked with… the sister of my best friend’s ex-girlfriend. I know! It sounds fucked up, but I didn’t care! And neither did you! We talked for hours, out on the seawall, holding each other underneath the blanket that smelled like Dammit the dog. Now every time I drive past that fucking seawall i think about you-- every fucking time-- and that was 6 months ago! That night was GOOD. We were right together, i fucking know it. And… yep, I knew it. You have a boyfriend. And, not only that, but I get to meet his undeserving ass the next time I go down to santa cruz? Peachy. Could you possibly be going out with a LESS deserving waste of space? I doubt it. I can’t even blame you for leading me on… you felt so bad later. And I really did mean what I said, I didn’t regret anything that did or didn’t happen, and neither should you. I do, however, regret thinking about you for 2 solid months after that night. Not to mention the regret i feel for acting like such an asshole that night in sc. But at least I didn’t punch your pasty-faced girly boy right in his pompous fucking face. I can give myself that much.

And you! YOU! You flirted with me first, you fucking tease! I know you were flirting, too, because it happened several times before I picked up on it, and more than one of my coworkers assured me that that was the case! Even my bass-ackwards fucking BOSS told me I should ask you out! Thank mother fucking goodness you decided to let slip casually in a conversation about Ben Harper (the 20th possibly-slightly-more-than-friendly conversation we had in that store, at LEAST) that you had a boyfriend, before I made an even bigger ass of myself than I already had by asking you out once (yeah, tell me “maybe next time,” yeah right, thanks a fucking bunch, why don’t you just tell me NOW instead of letting me get my hopes up at your less-than-conclusive response to my first attempt, and thanks for letting me continue to gawk and stammer at you every time you come in for some fucking ego boost that I know you get every fucking place you go anyway). “Oh, he’s great!” Well, fuck you, and fuck your fucking boyfriend, and fuck the fucking horse the two of you happily fucking rode in on, christ!

Look, I know it’s not your fault (any of you), and Lord knows it could have been MUCH worse in every one of those situations-- nobody got their feelings hurt (too badly), and no one put anyone down. And I know I’m lucky for that.

But SHIT! I’m starting to wish I had never started working so hard to get over my insecurities so I could get myself into the game! Because this game fucking sucks ass. Every time I think I’m on the right track, i fucking get shot down. And for no good reason, either. Tell me I’m ugly, physically as well as personality-wise, tell me I smell like dirty socks that have already been worn right side out AND inside out more than 3 times each, tell me the color of my fucking hair sends shivers of repulsion down your spine, tell me SOMETHING meaningful, for pete’s sake. Something that won’t make me think to myself for weeks, “if only…”

If only you didn’t have a fucking boyfriend, you fucking bitch.

Just shoot me now, before I get interested in anyone else.

2

I think I’m beginning to get a feel for what the problem is here …

3

So you have rejected the notion of being a girl-stealer?

4

White Lightning - I have a lot of sympathy for your position and I know where you’re coming from. I particularly felt for you with this line

All I can say is: stick with it, keep your confidence and know that it does get better and that mid-twenties women are far more likely to appreciate a good guy than teenagers/girls in their low twenties are.

Truly.

pan

5

Hey, don’t fret it, WL. I’m 20, don’t have a girlfriend, and don’t care (much). There’re other things for me to be concerned about… like money. :smiley:

On the other hand, my two best friends are going out together, so I’ve been able to live vicariously through them… maybe that’s what you need to do.

6

Thanks, Eutychus55. Your cryptic response has me in fits of inspired epiphany. You really got me this time; you can read me like nobody else can. And not only that, but you give such good advice!
Come on man, help me pin it down here. Is it that I’m a woman-hater or misogynist because I used the word “bitch” twice in an embittered rant? Is it that I don’t know any words to express my feelings other than “fuck”? Or is it the more general problem that I’m completely vulgar and juvenile in my self-expression, and maybe even in my entire personality? All of the above? Sorry dude. This is the pit. I’m young. I’m dumb. I’m bitter. You’re reading about it. If I’m being a jerk, or breaking any other rules, please be sure to let me know because I have all kinds of respect for you. As a moderator.

Thanks for the sentiment, kabbes. I’m glad you feel me. Supposedly, college-age girls were supposed to be more into “good” guys (guys like the kind of guy that I try to be) than HS girls. I’ll just keep looking ahead. But anyway, on the brighter side, I’ve only ever asked out two girls, and both of those stories are in my OP… so all hyperbole aside, I think I’m in pretty good shape. As long as I keep telling myself that I am, anyway.

Snooooopy: Yeah. I’ve done that, and as far as I can tell it’s just not worth it.

And, well, SPOOFE, as far as money goes, I don’t have any, I’m not making any, and I don’t have much prospect to get any anytime soon… hey, wait, that sounds a lot like where I stand with girls too… hm.

7

Hey, at least with money, you can have as much as you want without it getting jealous of the other denominations of bills.

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They don’t all have boyfriends, but, most attractive women have at least one guy in their life who they can refer to as a “boyfriend” when it suits their needs.

When does it suit their needs? When they want to brush somebody off. I’m not saying this happened to you in each case, but believe me it’s pretty common.

Your goal is to approach women in such a way that they are less likely brush you off.

I’m not a “Playa,” but I can tell you that your approach needs a little work.

For one thing, lingering around for half an hour, working up your courage, is a real turnoff to women. They can sense how you feel, and it makes you look insecure and sappy. You don’t have to be the “bad boy,” but you need to approach quickly, directly, and without apology.

There’s a few good web sites devoted to these issues, and I would encourage you to study and practice your technique. A month or two of practice, and you will be able to get more girls than you need.

Let me know if you want the URL’s.

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2.0 on the basis of that statement.

See, your problem is that you’re not investing enough time in corrupting young innocents. That’s the growth market these days.

10

I think Euty’s point was that the attitude of angry-resentful tends to be a turn-off for most ladies. Change your attitude and you might have more luck.

11

I’m only 39 :::gulp::: and still feel that way most days. I think is has something to do with the grass on the other side of the fence.

I was ready to point something out to you had Euty not beaten me to it. I hope you don’t dismiss me as quickly as you did him and really consider what we both are trying to say to you.

I won’t pretend to know what you are like around other women or how they perceive you. Speaking for myself, the first time a guy showed himself as being disrespectful to women by referring to them as “bitches” would be about the time they took themselves off my list of men I would date. It may not be the case with the women you have asked out, but it is something that you may want to consider.

lucwarm may have something as far as using the old “I have a boyfriend” excuse. It may not be honest but it is easier to say than “No, you’re not my type and I don’t want to go out with you”, and there is less possibility of hurting feelings. Kind of chicken shit, but hey, some of us are chicken shit.

However, I have to disagree with him about your approach. As a female, I think it is cute and charming when a guy isn’t too confident, when he has to get up the nerve to ask you out.

I don’t know what websites he has but I have this image in my head of Tom Cruise in Magnolia.

Good luck to you and hang in there.

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[Chris Farley]
Yeah, I may not be “good looking,” or drive a “nice car,” or “smell” “nice.” And I may live in “van” “down by the river.” I might not “know what to say,” or “spit” when I “talk.” <urg>
[/Chris Farley]

You’ve got to just keep plugging away, my man. Odds are, you’ll get shot down more often than you’ll hook up, but tat’s the key, you’ve got to have the self-confidence to keep trying.

[sub]Pit comments: poop, drat, heck[/sub]

13

I’ll keep my advice simple.

A. Keep Looking. If she’s like this now, only god knows what she would have been like trying to date.
B. Like the cliche says “There are more fish in the sea.” Keep fishing.
C. Relax. It’s just a female. :smiley:

14

Much sympathy, man! I know exactly how you feel, having been there and did that too. Mine was a nurse, like 4 feet 8 inches tall and as absolutely as cute and nice as a dream. Her boyfriend, equally unfortunately, was around 6 ft 4, a slab of major muscle and – crap – nice.

15

Well, I can’t speak for all the girls out there, but when I was 20 I always had a boyfriend because I always thought I had to have one. Stupid? Yes. I was insecure and didn’t like myself unless I had someone committed to liking me. This was so bad, I’d often not manage to break up with one boyfriend until I had the next one lined up. When one broke up with me with no warning, I’d be morose until I found a new one. I’d just glom onto the next likely prospect. Horrible. Luckily I didn’t lose too many boyfriends, because I was actually a pretty good girlfriend, but the the fact that I had to be in a relationship was pathetic.

I didn’t have the confidence to be single and enjoy being single until much later in life.

I’m not saying that this is the problem with all the girls you’re running into, but I’d hazard a guess that the paucity of single women your age might have at least something to do with personal and societal pressures some of them feel to be hooked up with someone.

What to do in the face of it? Well, I wouldn’t automatically blow off a woman who was in a relationship. At 20, many relationships are relatively short term anyway. I’m not saying you should actively try to break up a couple, but let these women get to know you in a non-pushy way. Don’t just reject them or slink away in dejected humiliation because someone else got to them first. Keep in mind that the girl you’re coveting now might be free in a week or a month. Or maybe she’s just clinging to something inadequate because she’s waiting for something better to come along.

16

Diane, you are beautiful and intelligent. A grown woman has wisdom and a mysterious allure that coltish, clumsy younger women cannnot emulate.
I’m a gay guy, and I get to share in what women think of straight guys, so let me lay it down for you.
White Lightning, neediness and hostility are not a turnon for sane women. If you reveal your Flaming Volcano of Need to women,they will run. Until you are secure enough to enjoy life alone, you’re not going to be any good in a relationship. Getting a girlfriend isn’t the end to all your troubles. Maintaining a healthy relationship takes work.

My advice is invest in yourself. I hope you’re going to a gym because your 20s is the best time to build a rocksolid body. Contrary to what women say, a guy in good shape always gets their attention. Lifting weights is also a great way to build self-confidence.

Next, work on your mind and your soul. Women like a guy with
a bit of intellectual heft. Read a good book, learn a new skill, find something fun to do. Every woman I know says that a man with interests outside of work and TV makes them interested in him.

Women are not objects to be worshipped; they’re people, just like men. Take off your fantasy goggles and get to know women as pals. It’s a great way to closer to them and their friends. If you have a female friend, she can clue you to the best dating strategies, not to mention find you a potential love.

Most important, dial down the hostility. Life is not a rap video, and it’s not cool to call women ‘bitches.’ It’s cliche, but it’s true; you do catch a lot more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.

17

I don’t want to throw gasoline (more depression) on a fire here, but I will. You think it’s bad now, wait about 3 years. By then every woman, and I do mean EVERY WOMAN, will have kids. So, even if you find a nice girl to live with/marry, you will be stuck raising and supporting another man’s kid(s). The rare ones that don’t have kids will be screwed up mentally or something else making them very undesirable.

Lightning, I was in the same boat as you but it took me until I was 23 (!) to get myself straightned out. By then 99.9% of women have kids and the rest are coo-coo. I felt I missed the boat. I eventually did marry but even then I had to ‘steal’ her AND she had a kid. The only other viable choice during that time was a woman with no kids but a bit strange in the head - fun to be with but not have a family with. However, there was that really nice woman who would have been great except for the incurable veneral disease…

Before I get jumped on as a woman hater (I’m not) I have female friends who complain about the exact same thing so I don’t think it’s a gender specific thing.

18

Aw c’m’on guys, give WL a break! He’s just been rejected and is feeling pretty low, so he went to the one place he knows he can safely lash out (where noone knows your name). There’s nothing to imply that the sentiment in the OP is even marginally related to his everyday life attitude!

On other matters, to WL I’ll say: You’ve asked out girls two times? Two times??? Heh heh. You gotta whole lot more rejection comin’ your way before you find YOUR lil’ snookums, my friend :smiley:

pan

19

I have to second Kabbes here. WL is probably not a bad person, just very frustrated. Let him vent.

I also missed the 2 times thing. 2 times?? Kabbes is right, you have a whhhooollllleeee lot of rejction coming up. The good news is you kind of get used to it in that you become more calloused and don’t take it as much personally. The other good news is that you can have many, many misses and it only takes one hit :slight_smile:

20

Jumping on WL because of his frustration reminds me of my niece. She confides in me and she has told me that she wants a bf very, very much. She is also very overweight, heading into late 20’s and never had a serious bf. Because of her frustration, she has developed a cynical attitude about men.

So what do people tell her? That if she wants to meet a guy, she must cheer up her attitude! They don’t understand that they have cause and effect backwards.

Blink